Okay, so, lately I've been finding myself more and more attracted to messy diapers. It's a comfort thing, but I think a little bit more than that, it turns me on. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I know that I enjoy it....I really enjoy it....but at the same time, I just don't know how to feel. And I don't understand why I get turned on by it. Could it be something psychological? From childhood experiences, perhaps?
My girlfriend and I will do these online roleplays when we both want to..erm...you know...masturbate. (She lives in Scotland, while I'm in the US.) The roleplays almost always have to do with me messing my diaper, hiding and in a squat...y'know, like a real toddler, and getting caught. The otherwise, cringe-worthy (to me) word "poopy" starts to become an incredible turn-on. Literally, when I'm turned on like that, all I want to do, all I want to think about, is making my diaper good and full. I don't understand why I find the word(s), the act, and the roleplay's scenario, to be so erotic for me.
As soon as the "deed" has been done, and I am sitting there, feeling sweaty and exhausted, I start to feel pretty disgusted with myself. Sometimes, I tell myself, "Okay, I'm not going to do that again." But sometimes, even the next day, I'll be wanting to go back to it. We've probably done a hundred of these RPs, by now. I've gotten my girlfriend quite into it, as well.
I sometimes feel so babyish, that I will find a messy diaper to feel comforting, it'll help me feel more like a real baby. And I think that's okay, but babies certainly don't masturbate, and I'm a little concerned. I don't want to become aroused by every future messy diaper I make. I feel like a really weird person (not the good weird.)
So I guess my question would be: Why do you think I have these feelings? Do you think they're just like normal (on the contrary!) healthy fantasies, that most humans get?