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Thread: Could There Be Any Benefits in Telling?

  1. #1

    Default Could There Be Any Benefits in Telling?

    I kinda already know that this is a questionable idea, and I'm not really seriously considering it. But gathering up some opinions is harmless, right?

    So... if you're familiar with me, you might know I live in a kind of weird family dynamic. To make a long story short, I grew up homeschooled, pretty much always around my overprotective, not-very-social mother. To this day my parents are still rather overbearing.

    Being an ab/dl living at home is not always the easiest. For all intents and purposes, I will probably never move out, not on my own anyway. Getting diapers and other baby stuff is kinda difficult because I don't drive and my parents are nosy.

    Sometimes I think about how much easier things would be if my mother knew and was accepting of this side of me. For reference, she knows I suck my thumb and pacifiers, and sleep with stuffed animals, and wear footie pajamas, and she's alright with that. If she knew, I could order stuff like diapers and toys and not be questioned. I guess I just want that freedom to be myself.

    So could telling possibly come out in my favor? Like I said, I'm not really really considering this, but anyway... It's late and I'm running on little sleep, so discuss.

  2. #2
    MarchinBunny

    Default

    It could. The possibility is always there. It's really something though you have to figure out on your own, because I don't think anyone here knows your family as well as you do. However, just a word of warning ... sometimes even if you are sure your parents will be ok with something, doesn't always make that the case. So ... the possibility of it going bad is also there. The severity of how bad depends on your family.

    For me, my entire family didn't want to have anything to do with me knowing I was AB/DL and also Transgender. So finding a place to go became increasingly hard as my life went on and due to that, it has put me in bad positions .. even to this day.

  3. #3

    Default

    Not considering it? I'm not sure I believe you.

    But sure, I mean... you alluded to some of the benefits yourself: Not having to be so secretive about buying supplies; not having to fear discovery, even when you're playing privately in your bedroom, etc. Even if you plan on keeping it to yourself, there are some benefits to being "out"--as long as "out" means "accepted", or at least "not rejected". That's the catch, of course. If coming out will likely welcome ridicule and lead to closer scrutiny of your private activities, then it's hard to recommend, 'cause that's a major anti-benefit!

    And, naturally, I have no clear sense of whether that would be the case for you. I could suggest that, because she's already "accepted" (to some extent?) your use of a pacifier, your mom might be able to get over the diaper usage, especially if you're being reasonably private about it. Of course, there are other angles. You've several times mentioned that your dad is after you to get a job and be independent in other ways. And you do live with them--not that that's a bad thing by itself; lots of people live with their parents into adulthood. But if your parents are already in a sort of "hurry up and grow up!" mode, it's easy to imagine how your coming out--in effect, seeking approval to "grow down"--could hit a nerve.

    I hope that didn't come off in any way offensive!

  4. #4

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    I dunno. I had to bring up the topic once or twice with my family (most of them). It didn't exactly go amazingly well... but it wasn't too bad, and it could have been much worse. I think I could have become more open about it (within reason!) if I were confident enough. I guess you can do anything with confidence, almost... but it can feel impossible to build confidence. So.... instead... I just felt embarrassed and continued mostly hiding it. So I'm not sure if they think it was a "phase" or something. I also brought up the transgender topic with my mom, and that went a similar way, sort of.... not terrible, kind of well, but definitely not great either. It sadly didn't lead to anything, and I sometimes wonder if she remembers or blocked it out.

  5. #5

    Default

    the answer to your question, is Yes and No,

    firstly, the yes, if after comming out your family are accepting then yes, the benefits would be greater, as you yourself said, with regards to buying stuff..

    however, if your comming out to your family is not taken well, it could make things a lot worse.

    It all depends on your family and how you would approach the subject and of course what you are willing to risk.

    BabyLea

  6. #6

    Default

    Well, I guess I am going to go against the tide of the other commenters here and throw my own controversial two cents in.

    I see this type of post all the time, and I want to contribute my opinion, which you are free to completely ignore if you want.

    I do not see any reason for any ABDL to ever tell his parents about the fetish/lifestyle (I know I threw a lot of absolutes into that sentence, I mostly did it for dramatic effect).

    Let me give you an example. Let's talk about John Smith, alright? John is an 18 year old male living with his parents. He has always been incredibly close with his parents, more than you can even possibly imagine. John also wants to try anal with his girlfriend. Do you think that John should go and tell his parents? What is John has already done anal, and now he loves it and does it once a week, should he tell his parents?

    No, absolutely not! How would you feel if every single time your parents had sex, your dad came into your room and told you about it? What about if your dad told you that he was actually a submissive crossdresser turned on when your mom punches your dog in the face? The point is that it is simply inappropriate, regardless of how close one is with one's parents, to be discussing kinks and fetishes.

    And of course, many view the ABDL as relaxing rather than sexual, or some mix of the two. However, I stand by my opinion. You wouldn't want to know if your dad wore your mom's thongs to relax, and I don't think your dad wants to know if you wear diapers to relax.

    Trust me, I am incredibly close with both of my parents. I told them when I wanted to try weed for the first time, when I kissed a girl for the first time, and about every fight I've ever had with my friends. I have, just like every other ABDL out there, thought about telling them at some point. But, I realized that it is inappropriate, and in a way, pointless.

    What could telling your parents possibly do for you?
    1. Secrets suck, and you're tired of hiding the truth. Telling them will let you wear your diapers in the open, without a care in the world who sees or knows! Okay, well I don't want to sound mean here, but telling for that reason is a terrible, terrible idea. First of all, you wouldn't like it if you dad had a buttplug while walking around the house, so you'd want to show him the same courtesy and not do anything related to ABDL out in the open. Second of all, this secret is for you and your significant others only. It feels good to get things off of your chest, but there are also appropriate times to do so. You wouldn't tell your math teacher that you wet the bed, just as you shouldn't tell your parents about this. One day, you'll have a significant other worthy of this secret. Until then, wait.
    2. Buying blows, and you should definitely get your parents to pay for your diapers. While I do realize that money is hard to acquire, you're 18+, get a job, make some extra cash, and buy your own diapers. Even if you did tell your parents, they wouldn't buy them for you. You're an adult. Just as your dad's parents didn't buy him any sex toys, he won't be buying you any diapers. I was 15 when I bought my first diaper, and I did so with money I had saved up from being a soccer ref. You do not need your parents to buy your diapers.
    3. Changes are cool, and I want to be a momma's boy. This is the most cringeworthy reason I have even seen for wanting to tell one's parents. You think, against all better judgement, that your parents are going to indulge you, maybe even baby you. They won't. That only happens in poorly written ABDL fiction.


    On top of all of that, you need to think of everything that can go wrong telling your parents. You could completely ruin your relationship with them if they view you as some kind of freaky pedophile, or be sent to therapy. These are your parents, and you need to maintain a good, appropriate relationship with them.

    Now, some may disagree with me, and I am always open to a discussion. But, I do not see any reason for an ABDL to tell his parents about the fetish, and I hope that I successfully convinced you to not.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by RussyRonny View Post
    Well, I guess I am going to go against the tide of the other commenters here and throw my own controversial two cents in.

    I see this type of post all the time, and I want to contribute my opinion, which you are free to completely ignore if you want.

    I do not see any reason for any ABDL to ever tell his parents about the fetish/lifestyle (I know I threw a lot of absolutes into that sentence, I mostly did it for dramatic effect).

    Let me give you an example. Let's talk about John Smith, alright? John is an 18 year old male living with his parents. He has always been incredibly close with his parents, more than you can even possibly imagine. John also wants to try anal with his girlfriend. Do you think that John should go and tell his parents? What is John has already done anal, and now he loves it and does it once a week, should he tell his parents?

    No, absolutely not! How would you feel if every single time your parents had sex, your dad came into your room and told you about it? What about if your dad told you that he was actually a submissive crossdresser turned on when your mom punches your dog in the face? The point is that it is simply inappropriate, regardless of how close one is with one's parents, to be discussing kinks and fetishes.

    And of course, many view the ABDL as relaxing rather than sexual, or some mix of the two. However, I stand by my opinion. You wouldn't want to know if your dad wore your mom's thongs to relax, and I don't think your dad wants to know if you wear diapers to relax.

    Trust me, I am incredibly close with both of my parents. I told them when I wanted to try weed for the first time, when I kissed a girl for the first time, and about every fight I've ever had with my friends. I have, just like every other ABDL out there, thought about telling them at some point. But, I realized that it is inappropriate, and in a way, pointless.

    What could telling your parents possibly do for you?
    1. Secrets suck, and you're tired of hiding the truth. Telling them will let you wear your diapers in the open, without a care in the world who sees or knows! Okay, well I don't want to sound mean here, but telling for that reason is a terrible, terrible idea. First of all, you wouldn't like it if you dad had a buttplug while walking around the house, so you'd want to show him the same courtesy and not do anything related to ABDL out in the open. Second of all, this secret is for you and your significant others only. It feels good to get things off of your chest, but there are also appropriate times to do so. You wouldn't tell your math teacher that you wet the bed, just as you shouldn't tell your parents about this. One day, you'll have a significant other worthy of this secret. Until then, wait.
    2. Buying blows, and you should definitely get your parents to pay for your diapers. While I do realize that money is hard to acquire, you're 18+, get a job, make some extra cash, and buy your own diapers. Even if you did tell your parents, they wouldn't buy them for you. You're an adult. Just as your dad's parents didn't buy him any sex toys, he won't be buying you any diapers. I was 15 when I bought my first diaper, and I did so with money I had saved up from being a soccer ref. You do not need your parents to buy your diapers.
    3. Changes are cool, and I want to be a momma's boy. This is the most cringeworthy reason I have even seen for wanting to tell one's parents. You think, against all better judgement, that your parents are going to indulge you, maybe even baby you. They won't. That only happens in poorly written ABDL fiction.


    On top of all of that, you need to think of everything that can go wrong telling your parents. You could completely ruin your relationship with them if they view you as some kind of freaky pedophile, or be sent to therapy. These are your parents, and you need to maintain a good, appropriate relationship with them.

    Now, some may disagree with me, and I am always open to a discussion. But, I do not see any reason for an ABDL to tell his parents about the fetish, and I hope that I successfully convinced you to not.
    I understand what you're saying, but I just want to clear up a few points:

    I don't want my parents to buy me diapers. My father provides me with a weekly allowance - he does the same for my mom, as she doesn't work either. And I don't consider pulling the ''get a job'' card completely helpful - I can't find work, and I hear it enough from my father.

    I wouldn't be asking my mother to baby me. Basically, I just want to be able to get diapers and other things in the house easier, and enjoy a bottle more freely. (Which doesn't seem like asking too much, as I already suck my thumb and sometimes a pacifier around my mother anyway.)

    Frankly, I probably need therapy, for other issues. I doubt my parents - and I would only be telling my mother, never my father - would ''send'' me there though.

    Lastly, not to nitpick because it's not a big deal, but you seem under the impression that I am male - I'm female (though pretty androgynous).

  8. #8

    Default

    I'm a guy first off, a mamas boy in the fact that my dad and I don't really enjoy the same things.

    I am 38 now, but when I was 18 I decided that I was going to get diapers. I had tried a sample here and there and makeshifted a couple of times and decided that once and fr all while my mom was out at a meeting that I would ride my bike to Revco and buy a bag.

    I got home and put one on and wet it, felt great and I loved it. I changed and put another on before she got home and then put my sweatpants back on and waited for her to come home.

    "Mom, there is something I need to talk to you about, it's nothing you did or didn't do at all so don't think that..... But I like wearing adult diapers"

    WHAT!!

    "I like wearing adult diapers" then I lowered my sweats and showed her.

    We talked about some ground rules, I did not want others to know, especially dad (who by then had moved out). I agreed to wear only at home, always covered when not in my room, she would not ever change me, etc

    That was in 1996

    I still share he house with her, pay the bills too. This morning I was walking around in a diaper and onsie drinking coffee and I changed into a dry diaper and walked around in just my diaper while I tried on the new shirts she got me for Christmas.

    I know that it s hard to believe and I know that I am freaking lucky too

  9. #9

    Default

    Greatly snipped. My apologies for that.

    Quote Originally Posted by RussyRonny View Post
    You're 18+, get a job, make some extra cash, and buy your own diapers.
    We've no idea who Kimba is, or if for some reason Kimba isn't employable. I think we can assume that kimba isn't itching for unhealthy parental involvement. I could be wrong, but it doesn't happen much. I assume Kimba has no problem buying her own stuff, and just wants the parental units to respect the fact that what Kimba buys with her birthday, saturnalia, or other money, belongs to Kimba.

    I think what Kimba wants is similar to what I'm after. Everything in me wants to buy a baby-pants, hold it up in view of the ones I want knowing, and say, "See this? Know what it is? Good, it's mine. I bought it. It, and other cutesy personal property, will be in this spot, so no fair ripping my room apart. Get rid of it, and you and I will have problems, because I'm grown now, and I've a right to property. I promise that you're the only ones I'll use everything but the padding in front of, unless you're uncomfortable with it. I do hope you get comfortable with use when I'm in pain. No grandmas or strangers will see me use my comfort objects. Me having them isn't evidence of pedophilia. Here, read this.

    You don't care what my underwear look like, as they're hidden under clothes. I also know that laundry is a pain in the ass for Mom on incontinence flair up days, and I'm tired of staining my clothes every time Aunt Flow shows up. Instead of bladder pads, I'm switching to these, (and hold up a picture of whatever brand, probably something cute, as for me, cuteness takes the sting out of both the incontinence and Aunt Flow.) I don't expect you to buy them for me, or change me. I also don't want major coronary events upon delivery. Shrink me if you must. I've my documents together. I'm okay with my identity, but adding someone else to my team is nothing but good. I've the right to choose my therapist. If my therapist can't accept what I say, I'll find another. I also have the right to stop going if and when I see fit.

    Do I need to move out, or may I still live here?
    Last edited by SpAzpieSweeTot; 26-Dec-2015 at 20:10.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by KimbaStarshine View Post
    Frankly, I probably need therapy, for other issues. I doubt my parents - and I would only be telling my mother, never my father - would ''send'' me there though.
    Only telling your mother--about your want of therapy, or about AB/DL in general?

    I can see where, if your aim is to get help with something, you might go for the parent you consider most able to help and console you. If you're also talking about the coming out, I would wonder if coming out to only one parent would really make things better for you. Like RussyRonny, my usual thinking on coming-outs is to avoid them unless all or most of the likely outcomes are positive. If your father is going to remain in the dark about it all, then it's not clear to me that you've made things much easier on yourself in terms of your ability to engage in AB/DL activities without fear--again, even if you mean to keep these activities private, which seems like a good idea regardless. I didn't mean to spur the whole 'job' discussion, so I apologize for that. I brought it up simply because I can imagine how your dad might be predisposed to doing battle with anything he sees as running counter to his own hopes for you. That's not me being judgmental of you, but rather simply interpreting things you've brought up previously.

    Anyway... You've been here for a couple of years, Kimba, so you've surely seen these "should I come out?" threads plenty of times. The "don't tell" advice is usually good advice, because outcomes are often rather less amazing than hoped. Setting that aside for a moment, as you seem slightly determined to tell at some point: I think it's natural for a person on the receiving end of a coming-out to wonder what it is that the come-outer wants from them. Your aim in this case should be to, as quickly as possible, ensure that your mom and dad know that you are looking only to abate your constant fear of getting caught, and to relieve the emotional strain that fear is causing you on a regular basis. Reassure them that you absolutely do not mean to involve them directly in any of it, and that you intend to keep your AB/DL activities private. Tell them that, despite this seeming like a regression, it's been a painfully-suppressed part of you for many years, and that their knowing, even if they don't actively support it, will allow you to devote more of your energies to advancing yourself rather than wasting them on maintaining the secrecy of an embarrassing-yet-immutable personality trait. Finally, tell them that you understand how this admission might disappoint and concern them, and stress that you intend to reward their enduring faith in you, proving that coming out was not a means to some selfish end, but was a necessary emotional hurdle on the path to getting your life together.

    Or something like that.

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