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Thread: Is suicide ALWAYS selfish? (Kind of long rant, sorry)

  1. #1

    Default Is suicide ALWAYS selfish? (Kind of long rant, sorry)

    I don't think it is. In fact...I find it doubly selfish when people blame the suicidal for being selfish.

    If a person is having such thoughts, the LAST thing they need is to be blamed or accused of selfishness.

    Mental pain IS pain. It may not be a an open wound gushing blood or a broken bone. But it is still pain felt. Pain, after all, is highly subjective. What one person can weather, another can not. So to judge a suicidal person is in fact...selfish. Those that judge suicide are simply trying to avoid pain themselves. They don't want to have to deal with loss and judgement from friends, family or community. They're judgement is in fact an act of self preservation.

    But isn't that what suicide is too? An act of self preservation for the person choosing it? By contemplating suicide...a person is choosing to self preserve any dignity they feel they have left. They're choosing to "get out while the getting is good"

    If a person truly feels there can never be any improvement, that suicide NOW is the best option, before things get worse; how is that selfish? They want out. They're done. Life is too much. Why continue with meaningless relationships, fake interactions and shallow existence?

    Now...if you've read this far, comes the juicy meat.

    I post this because I am such a person. I hate my life. It has no meaning. I'm practically 30. I live at home. I have no family of my own. I have debt. I've had two DUI convictions. I have no skills or talents. I have no place in the world. I can't keep a relationship because I turn into a psychotic 17yr old girl, jealous, clingy, needy and high maintenance. Same with friendships...I push everybody away. I'm 29 btw, and male.

    I'm most likely considered depressed. I've never been on my own or been able to experience life for myself. And being 30, I realize doors are closing fast. I don't know what to do.

    My friends are all incredibly fake. I have no-one or nothing. And currently with a suspended license and on probation...I can't go out, meet people or have fun. I honestly just want to die. And I've given much thought to various routs as well. My parents are the only thing keeping me here. I couldn't put them through burying a child. But as soon as they go...I won't be far behind.

  2. #2

    Default

    Always? No. That's oversimplifying an infinitely complex thing. And this is coming from someone who's dealt with severe depression for much of his life and has to take meds to deal with it. I've been depressed, and I've been suicidal. And I've seen people who genuinely might be better off dead. By the sound of things, you're not there yet. Yes, you've screwed up, but you can still get your life back on track. You first should seek out some mental help or therapy. Then you might consider a trade school, which will get you the skills you need to have a job.

    Everyone makes mistakes. How we choose to deal with those mistakes is what makes us who we are.

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Boopa View Post
    If a person truly feels there can never be any improvement, that suicide NOW is the best option, before things get worse; how is that selfish? They want out. They're done. Life is too much. Why continue with meaningless relationships, fake interactions and shallow existence?
    That's the fallacy. Change IS always possible, more so at such a young age. Not easy, not all of the path will be pleasant, but nothing worthwhile is.

    Typical to have such thoughts at zero dark thirty on Christmas. As far as I'm concerned, 90% of what goes on between Thanksgiving and Christmas sucks. I'd just as soon hibernate and miss it.

    EXCEPT. Every Christmas for the last decade or so, I've gotten up at 3am and gone for a walk through town. Most everybody leaves the lights on, some neighborhoods have luminaria all up and down the sidewalks. No traffic at all. Nobody out to disturb the peace and silence. Sometimes there's snow, sometimes not (this year). Regardless of the other b.s. going on in my life, those couple hours of peace, quiet, and beauty are worth sticking around for. And walking 8 or 10 miles relieves any possible guilt over cookies in advance.

    You may need some external help to find your path, but its there if you look for it. Others here can direct you to resources better than I.... I'm more the internally driven sort.

    A peaceful Christmas and New Year to you.

  4. #4

    Default

    I think a better point is this: suicide is frequently a permanent solution to a temporary, soluble problem.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Traemo View Post
    I think a better point is this: suicide is frequently a permanent solution to a temporary, soluble problem.
    I am in love with this statement.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Boopa View Post
    I don't think it is. In fact...I find it doubly selfish when people blame the suicidal for being selfish.

    If a person is having such thoughts, the LAST thing they need is to be blamed or accused of selfishness.

    Mental pain IS pain. It may not be a an open wound gushing blood or a broken bone. But it is still pain felt. Pain, after all, is highly subjective. What one person can weather, another can not. So to judge a suicidal person is in fact...selfish. Those that judge suicide are simply trying to avoid pain themselves. They don't want to have to deal with loss and judgement from friends, family or community. They're judgement is in fact an act of self preservation.

    But isn't that what suicide is too? An act of self preservation for the person choosing it? By contemplating suicide...a person is choosing to self preserve any dignity they feel they have left. They're choosing to "get out while the getting is good"

    If a person truly feels there can never be any improvement, that suicide NOW is the best option, before things get worse; how is that selfish? They want out. They're done. Life is too much. Why continue with meaningless relationships, fake interactions and shallow existence?

    Now...if you've read this far, comes the juicy meat.

    I post this because I am such a person. I hate my life. It has no meaning. I'm practically 30. I live at home. I have no family of my own. I have debt. I've had two DUI convictions. I have no skills or talents. I have no place in the world. I can't keep a relationship because I turn into a psychotic 17yr old girl, jealous, clingy, needy and high maintenance. Same with friendships...I push everybody away. I'm 29 btw, and male.

    I'm most likely considered depressed. I've never been on my own or been able to experience life for myself. And being 30, I realize doors are closing fast. I don't know what to do.

    My friends are all incredibly fake. I have no-one or nothing. And currently with a suspended license and on probation...I can't go out, meet people or have fun. I honestly just want to die. And I've given much thought to various routs as well. My parents are the only thing keeping me here. I couldn't put them through burying a child. But as soon as they go...I won't be far behind.
    Everyone feels hopeless at one time or another but there is always hope. Starrunner has a great thread. Please read it. God Bless.

  7. #7
    MarchinBunny

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Traemo View Post
    I think a better point is this: suicide is frequently a permanent solution to a temporary, soluble problem.
    Yes, this is the way I see it as well. Very well said.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Boopa View Post
    I don't think it is. In fact...I find it doubly selfish when people blame the suicidal for being selfish.

    If a person is having such thoughts, the LAST thing they need is to be blamed or accused of selfishness.

    Mental pain IS pain. It may not be a an open wound gushing blood or a broken bone. But it is still pain felt. Pain, after all, is highly subjective. What one person can weather, another can not. So to judge a suicidal person is in fact...selfish. Those that judge suicide are simply trying to avoid pain themselves. They don't want to have to deal with loss and judgement from friends, family or community. They're judgement is in fact an act of self preservation.

    But isn't that what suicide is too? An act of self preservation for the person choosing it? By contemplating suicide...a person is choosing to self preserve any dignity they feel they have left. They're choosing to "get out while the getting is good"

    If a person truly feels there can never be any improvement, that suicide NOW is the best option, before things get worse; how is that selfish? They want out. They're done. Life is too much. Why continue with meaningless relationships, fake interactions and shallow existence?

    Now...if you've read this far, comes the juicy meat.

    I post this because I am such a person. I hate my life. It has no meaning. I'm practically 30. I live at home. I have no family of my own. I have debt. I've had two DUI convictions. I have no skills or talents. I have no place in the world. I can't keep a relationship because I turn into a psychotic 17yr old girl, jealous, clingy, needy and high maintenance. Same with friendships...I push everybody away. I'm 29 btw, and male.

    I'm most likely considered depressed. I've never been on my own or been able to experience life for myself. And being 30, I realize doors are closing fast. I don't know what to do.

    My friends are all incredibly fake. I have no-one or nothing. And currently with a suspended license and on probation...I can't go out, meet people or have fun. I honestly just want to die. And I've given much thought to various routs as well. My parents are the only thing keeping me here. I couldn't put them through burying a child. But as soon as they go...I won't be far behind.
    Hello Boopa.

    I understand what you are saying at the start of this thread.

    I personally have been there three times in my life.

    You even gave the Correct answer at the end: it is depression.

    That is what my issues where then and still is.
    By asking for help from professionals I have been able to learn how to deal with the depression issue using coping mechanisms and mediations.
    The combinations of the two make life bearable and then I was able to make changes in my life to overcome the "issues" that life had developed. Then I was able to move on from there.

    Zipperless gave you the link to an excellent article on suicide prevention and it will give you the start to the help that I was able to get.

  9. #9

  10. #10

    Default

    So as a 21 year old I haven't felt some of the same things you have. And my heart breaks for you (I am a highly empathetic person sorry.) I however have been to the point of contemplating and even failing at trying to commit suicide (I was a dumb kid don't judge). When this was happening at age 16 to 20 I was a mess but I eventually moved out of my parents oh trust me I know how it feels to think you have no talents no real nitche (misspelled) in life. No real job inability (in my head) to hold down an actual job. If you want someone to talk to I WILL listen.

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