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Thread: My Breakup

  1. #1
    MarchinBunny

    Default My Breakup

    You know, I was wondering what to talk about and I felt like talking about this as the break up happened recently. Roughly about 5 years give or take I met a man named Shawn, online in a game. He started hitting on me, and well ... I actually told him to stop because I felt he would not be interested if he actually knew who I was.

    So he pretty much said try me, and I told him about myself. Being transgender, and an AB/DL. I told him about the difficulties I had been facing with my family, along with all the abuse. I didn't trust him though, I felt I could not because I went through a bad time the last time I hooked up with someone from the internet.

    Anyway, skipping forward. We talked for about a year. On skype and cam. We both decided we loved each other and wanted to be together. We also essentially decided we would likely get engaged. So we started making plans to move in together. I was about to be thrown out, so I decided to move in with him.

    I have been together with him since. It's been a great time. He has been great to me, accepting who I am. His family treats me as family too.

    However, recently he actually broke up with me. He told me he no longer loves me. I found out the reason why is because he learned he is gay. ... He also mentioned he is a furry. I am assuming he mentioned that because he is looking for someone who is also a furry.

    Sooo ya .. that is what happened recently. Since then ... I really have not been sure what to do. Don't really have any place to go. But then again .. it's not like I am being thrown out either. We are still really good friends regardless.

  2. #2

    Default

    Dang, I'm sorry. People trying to understand themselves and figure out what they want in life is a very difficult thing, and very unexpected. I wonder if he was trying to hide who he was inside for a while and then decided to accept himself or something. Culture has been that way for a long time specifically towards being gay. At least you too have kept it cordial from the sounds of it.

  3. #3
    MarchinBunny

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    Dang, I'm sorry. People trying to understand themselves and figure out what they want in life is a very difficult thing, and very unexpected. I wonder if he was trying to hide who he was inside for a while and then decided to accept himself or something. Culture has been that way for a long time specifically towards being gay. At least you too have kept it cordial from the sounds of it.
    I doubt he was hiding it. I just think he really had not decided or understood himself. Considering I am transgender and am biologically a male, I suppose from that perspective it makes sense that he would be attracted to me. I figured he was bi though if anything. But this means he sees me as a girl, regardless of how I look, which in itself makes me pretty happy and relieved. Previously to our break up, I was always constantly worried I wouldn't be able to be the kind of girl he wanted due to being trans. It was really something I feared everyday, that it would be the reason it wouldn't work out.
    Last edited by MarchinBunny; 22-Dec-2015 at 10:23.

  4. #4

    Default

    People change, that's a fact of life. And sometimes it doesn't go as smooth as it went between the two of you, because change and the process of figuring oneself out often brings a lot of misunderstanding and negative feelings in couples. It's a really good thing that - despite breaking up being a very sad thing per se - you managed to have an open communication and not make it rougher than necessary.

    What I have a hard time grasping is how one can "no longer love someone" like that. It may be because I'm asexual, but the sex/gender is not something I'd end a relationship for, although I understand for many people it can be a deal breaker. There is so much more about people that I fall in love with! :3 And, sad to say, but 100% of the times I went through a breakup it was superhard because I can't change my feelings for someone just because all of a sudden we're not dating anymore....

  5. #5
    MarchinBunny

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by quattrus View Post
    People change, that's a fact of life. And sometimes it doesn't go as smooth as it went between the two of you, because change and the process of figuring oneself out often brings a lot of misunderstanding and negative feelings in couples. It's a really good thing that - despite breaking up being a very sad thing per se - you managed to have an open communication and not make it rougher than necessary.

    What I have a hard time grasping is how one can "no longer love someone" like that. It may be because I'm asexual, but the sex/gender is not something I'd end a relationship for, although I understand for many people it can be a deal breaker. There is so much more about people that I fall in love with! :3 And, sad to say, but 100% of the times I went through a breakup it was superhard because I can't change my feelings for someone just because all of a sudden we're not dating anymore....
    Well, for the first week I was devastated. Couldn't even sleep. I felt like I was in a bad nightmare, wondering when I was going to wake up. Truthfully, I think the exact same thing. I don't understand how someone can just no longer love another person like that, so my assumption was he may have never loved me in the first place. It's possible it was just puppy love for him. Honestly, I don't have a clue.

  6. #6

    Default

    That is a pretty rough thing to go through. But as i find with any of these sorts of things (that being and any kind of relationship that is not straight - specifically male/female) tends to have a far higher amount of emotional investment into the relationship. So I'm not surprised that you were pretty upset after the breakup happened. But as you pointed out on the upside was the he didn't break up with you because you were trans. He did it because he felt that his sexuality was different then he initially thought. You will probably find that the relationship that he had with you probably was a little bit of self-discovery for himself (as you already pointed out). But at least he did identify the way that you felt.

    As far as the understanding how someone changes from loving another person and then no longer, its far more complicated. I don't think that there is any easy answer to that. I wouldn't look at the "did he ever love me" side of things. It's too hard to determine fully but the reality is that he wouldn't have been involved like that if he didn't love you (at least to some degree). I think you will find that he wasn't entirely sure of himself and being with you provided some self-awareness as to what it is that he is interested in.

    The other thing is that I'm assuming he was around similar age to you? If that is the case then i could understand the potential for a change. It's not easy to be able to figure out who you are when you are 23. There are plenty of people who are trying to figure it out and don't really know until well into the 40's or 50's. So the change can happen. But matters of the heart and desires are not straight-forward. And i would instead try to focus on the good that you had from that relationship rather then questioning if it was truly a relationship at all. The way i see it is that if it felt like it was a real and honest relationship at the time, it most likely was. Looking back at it and wondering if it was real or not doesn't really do you any good emotionally or mentally.

  7. #7
    MarchinBunny

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Zeek61 View Post
    That is a pretty rough thing to go through. But as i find with any of these sorts of things (that being and any kind of relationship that is not straight - specifically male/female) tends to have a far higher amount of emotional investment into the relationship. So I'm not surprised that you were pretty upset after the breakup happened. But as you pointed out on the upside was the he didn't break up with you because you were trans. He did it because he felt that his sexuality was different then he initially thought. You will probably find that the relationship that he had with you probably was a little bit of self-discovery for himself (as you already pointed out). But at least he did identify the way that you felt.

    As far as the understanding how someone changes from loving another person and then no longer, its far more complicated. I don't think that there is any easy answer to that. I wouldn't look at the "did he ever love me" side of things. It's too hard to determine fully but the reality is that he wouldn't have been involved like that if he didn't love you (at least to some degree). I think you will find that he wasn't entirely sure of himself and being with you provided some self-awareness as to what it is that he is interested in.

    The other thing is that I'm assuming he was around similar age to you? If that is the case then i could understand the potential for a change. It's not easy to be able to figure out who you are when you are 23. There are plenty of people who are trying to figure it out and don't really know until well into the 40's or 50's. So the change can happen. But matters of the heart and desires are not straight-forward. And i would instead try to focus on the good that you had from that relationship rather then questioning if it was truly a relationship at all. The way i see it is that if it felt like it was a real and honest relationship at the time, it most likely was. Looking back at it and wondering if it was real or not doesn't really do you any good emotionally or mentally.
    Very true indeed. Very good post and points =^.^=.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by brabbit1987 View Post
    You know, I was wondering what to talk about and I felt like talking about this as the break up happened recently. Roughly about 5 years give or take I met a man named Shawn, online in a game. He started hitting on me, and well ... I actually told him to stop because I felt he would not be interested if he actually knew who I was.

    So he pretty much said try me, and I told him about myself. Being transgender, and an AB/DL. I told him about the difficulties I had been facing with my family, along with all the abuse. I didn't trust him though, I felt I could not because I went through a bad time the last time I hooked up with someone from the internet.

    Anyway, skipping forward. We talked for about a year. On skype and cam. We both decided we loved each other and wanted to be together. We also essentially decided we would likely get engaged. So we started making plans to move in together. I was about to be thrown out, so I decided to move in with him.

    I have been together with him since. It's been a great time. He has been great to me, accepting who I am. His family treats me as family too.

    However, recently he actually broke up with me. He told me he no longer loves me. I found out the reason why is because he learned he is gay. ... He also mentioned he is a furry. I am assuming he mentioned that because he is looking for someone who is also a furry.

    Sooo ya .. that is what happened recently. Since then ... I really have not been sure what to do. Don't really have any place to go. But then again .. it's not like I am being thrown out either. We are still really good friends regardless.


    Quote Originally Posted by brabbit1987 View Post
    Very true indeed. Very good post and points =^.^=.
    I'm glad your still good friends with him, still that must have been rough. I do wish you luck and I hope you find someone again in the future.

  9. #9
    MarchinBunny

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by KittyninjaW View Post
    I'm glad your still good friends with him, still that must have been rough. I do wish you luck and I hope you find someone again in the future.
    It's weird for me. I, honestly, don't even know if I want to try again. At least not until a pretty long time. I think I may wait till I have figured everything else out, with being transgender and stuff ... as well as getting my own life straight. I am to reliant on others at the moment.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by brabbit1987 View Post
    It's weird for me. I, honestly, don't even know if I want to try again. At least not until a pretty long time. I think I may wait till I have figured everything else out, with being transgender and stuff ... as well as getting my own life straight. I am to reliant on others at the moment.
    It's probably a good Idea to take a short break after a breakup. I'd say though, just make it a break from trying to find somebody, not a break from if somebody finds you. You probably don't want to make it last too long either, otherwise you get in a rut like me.

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