I am writing this mainly to sort out what is on my mind and the conversation I just had. My girlfriend and I just had another deep conversation about my ABDL. As some of you know already I just started delving into the ABDL life, not really understanding it. I have been trying to find my place in ABDL and what it is that I am looking for.
I just tried to explain to her that I have finally accepted myself as ABDL and that I am happy with who I am. I explained to her that the things I thought I wanted when we had our first talk have changed, as I am no longer in the Binge Purge cycle. That is one thing I learned here and tried to explain to her. Now that I know that this isn't going away and I have embraced myself as ABDL, I want this more than I originally thought.
When we first discussed all this I was expecting to wear diapers for a few weeks or says and then expected my urges to go away, but now I know they wont. I am accepting this and I wont feel the guild and shame of it anymore. I originally told her that it was only going to be a few days here and there, but it has grown much more. Not because I was lying to her but because I didn't understand it myself.
This last conversation we had tonight did not go so well. She started second guessing things, me. Said I wasn't the same person. If I'm wearing diapers, we cant talk or joke or make funny sexual jokes/comments. This is something that we don't want to be sexual, but from what I can tell right now, it might just be destroying what we have. I don't want it to. I love her with all my heart. We are going to try to work through this but we are both scared because we don't know what is going to happen in the future. What if she decides she isn't comfortable with me wearing diapers all the time like I said I wanted. I told her that I would be able to compromise, but as expected, she said she would only feel guilty because I wouldn't be happy.
I would be happy. As long as she is there with me though it all. I don't want to let this become something that will tear us apart, but at the same time, I don't think I want to give it up.
After a long hour of talking, crying, nerves and being scared we ended on happier notes. We told each other 'I love you' and sat there holding each other.