Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Serious Issues I Need To Discuss

  1. #1

    Default Serious Issues I Need To Discuss

    So let's get all of my bad stuff out in the open first, because I'm not sure how good a person I am, and I want to talk to someone who can keep that in mind while hopefully trying to help me be a better person.

    Me and my girlfriend are currently taking a 3 month break. She's back home with her family for the holidays, and we're sorting out our personal lives. The ultimate cause of this was me using an online chat site called 'talktome' chatting with other girls anonymously and cheating on her. I'm normally the Dom in the relationship, and supposed to be her daddy, but when I go online I'm switch and play the role of a submissive diaper lover.

    The thing is she was open to an open relationship. She even embraced me switching. The problem from my perspective was that I was wanting to switch more often then be dom, and I didn't know why as this had never happened before in my life. I didn't want to tell her, because she was frustrated by my repeated attempts to make our intimacy about me instead of her, so I rationalized going online and using those sites. Prior to that on occasion I had also used cam sites for a similar thing, and spent hundreds of dollars. We really didn't have the money for that.

    So because I had done these things, and I didn't want her to think I was changing roles I lied to her... She found out, and almost left me, but stayed telling me I couldn't do it anymore. I promised her I wouldn't and broke down almost immediately when left alone and did it again. She found out, and that's the reason we're on this break right now.

    Since then I haven't done any of it... I've kept to myself, worked on my problems, I'm going to therapy, and trying to put my life back together. I'm working a really demanding job, and trying to get rid of debt before I go back to college this winter.

    That said for obvious reasons I had ruined her interest in sexual activities with me initially, and she didn't understand how I could have any sexual desires since she didn't... So for the first few weeks I didn't masturbate, used no porn, didn't even look at images of her. I refrained from all of it... But, as a comfort mechanism I started wearing diapers to bed at night (I used to masturbate to fall asleep occasionally, this caused additional tension since she was usually willing to have sex, honestly I can't rationalize most of my activities aside from saying I was being selfish).

    Well, a couple weeks ago I started having really vivid dreams of be being a little. More importantly I was using diapers, and I woke up having wet a diaper. Initially I told her about it, and we decided maybe it was caused by me using the diapers as a comfort mechanism... So I stopped wearing.. The first night was fine, but the second night I wet the bed again without protection.

    A few days later I went to work, and I wet myself in the daytime. That has never happened before... I'm going into psych, and near positive it's psychological and not physical, but the only thing that matches is a childhood disorder. My girlfriend helped relax that night... She decided she would work with me, and she treated me as a little. I'd been helping her for a few days by role-playing as her daddy, and I still want to do that, over the phone of course since we're away.

    For a few days I had no accidents day or night... But then one night the dreams came back, and this time more lucid, and it was both messing and wetting and manifested in reality... This stuff kept happening for a week or so, and I was wearing diapers to work for fear of having an accident, and thankfully I was wearing since I wet and messed at work just yesterday.

    As a side note, I stopped drinking coke shortly after she left, and started drinking water regularly (For the first time in probably 5 years), in an effort to be more fit and lose weight. I used to be in the Marine Corps, and I was running for a bit too, but while I feel healthier I can tell there's a difference because even when I don't have accidents I'm peeing a lot more, and when I defecate it's been more loose for half a month now too...

    I'm seeing a therapist, but he has no specialty in sexual disorders, and is only a Masters level. I trust him with my general relationship issues, but am too embarrassed to bring up the sexual issues, and thus this... Eventually I plan on bringing it to a more qualified therapist, but I can't afford to right now... Up until now I've been using my girlfriend to talk to.

    She's been really supportive, and helped me a lot. However, both her and I agreed that this is really too close to the line of some of the problems that caused all this to begin with... She needs time to herself, and I still need someone to talk to. I also need to work on being more supportive and loving of her, and not using her for my issues... For that reason she told me I should find someone to talk to about this...

    That's why I'm here... I need someone to talk to, specifically about this issue, but maybe about just my issues in general. I will talk to anyone, but I have to admit up front that I am uncomfortable talking about such personal issues with males (My therapist is a male, and I can't even talk to him about this really)... It's weird and I don't know why but it really just makes me super uncomfortable.

    In a public setting like a forum I'm glad to hear advice. Responses, and I need thoughts from anyone... But... My honest hope was that if there was a girl out there who would just be a friend and let me talk to her about this stuff I would appreciate that a lot. I know it's a weird request, and I'm not the greatest person, and I'd like you to write a message to my girlfriend so she knows you're talking to me, because I need this to be productive... But I honestly do need support...

    I feel extremely depressed.. I'm losing control of my body (And it's not on purpose), I can't get my life on track, I'm worried I'm going to lose my girlfriend... And it's all selfish, but I sincerely do want to be a better person, and not the person that caused all this to happen in the first place.

    Thank you for reading, I hope someone can help.

  2. #2


    I've got nothing to offer here, as pretty much all of it is outside my range of experiences, but I thought you'd like to know that someone is at least looking.

  3. #3


    My concern would be the sudden onset of bladder and bowel incontinence. It could be psychological, as you believe, but you should get some real medical advice and testing to rule out physical problems. This would give you a better foundation for seeking psychological help. There may be people here who are qualified to give psychological advice, but they are not allowed to give specific advice on this site.

  4. #4


    take drifters advice as that could be a serious problem.
    If I may be blunt in this statement , I ask that you read this several times as this message may not be what your looking for but it's something that needs to be said. If I could say this face to face I think it would be better than just writing this down but I say this with nothing but love.


    It's perfectly natural to feel this way. The moment you feel that you can't do anything is the moment you lose!! your feeling guilty and anxious thinking that you need to change yourself in order to please everyone but unless you change for you then what the point. you want to be the one to love someone but at the same time you also want to be the one to feel and receive it. that not your core problem from what I see. your only problem is that you don't really know how to handle this type of new situation with someone you care about. we can go to psychiatrist alone but if you want to truly change you need to ask yourself this on question what do I want to change myselfto be. Get open, be honest and try to think only about what you want and intend to do instead of what should I do.

    A great example would be why did you want to join the Marines. did you want to protect someone or did you just want to do it cause of the benefits.we all have a purpose at one point or another and we loose those for new ones cause they are constantly changing. remember these words ;

    if were not honest with the people around us how can we truly get help when we need it.

    Also from what I can see your perfectly natural your just stressed at how this hole thing has turned out thinking that you have no way to fix this but the only way I can see you winning the good fight is to try but not to fight it. the answers and pieces will come together if you simply take the time and look at it from a new perspective than the on you have now. just relax and think of it not as a chance to change but as a chance to find out who You are.

    I hope I was a little helpful. If not I'm more than happy to keep talking if you want to.

  5. #5


    Thank you for your responses. Regarding the changes, they are in personality traits that make me very bad at communicating, confrontational, overbearing, and deceptive at times. The only other things I'm trying to do is ritualize certain forms of intimacy so I behave more compassionately. I don't feel these are bad changes, and I further feel that while many people hold true the notion that one shouldn't change themselves, people change naturally with time, and these are serious deficits in my personality that would make it hard for anyone to enjoy my company intimately.

    So. I want to change for myself in one sense, namely the sense that what I am now is not adequate to make most people happy.

    Upon reflection I think the primary reason that I prefer talking to women about this, is for me it's much more sexual, if not almost purely, and very little lifestyle. I want to talk about the other issues to, so as soon as I can do private messages I will reply to those who messaged me.

    Thank you again.

  6. #6


    The first step in solving a problem is to recognize and identify the problem, and it seems like you've done that. It reminds me of when I wanted to quit smoking. It eventually had to get to the point where I was disgusted with myself. When that day came, I crumpled up the pack and never had another one. It's like quitting alcohol when you're addicted. You have to reach rock bottom. As another example, I was a pretty heavy drinker until 1985 when I developed a bleeding ulcer. While I was at a medical clinic, I technically died and passed through the tunnel of light. I saw my parents waiting for me, and then there was a rushing sound and I was back in the wheel chair, on my way to the hospital. When I eventually got out of the hospital, and stopped drinking entirely. Death will do that.

    So you know you need to make some radical changes if you want to be happy. There's something to be said for living within the lines, so to speak. I think if you can stay off the sites which are actually making you unhappy, you can reapproach your girlfriend and say, "I was able to stay off this entire time. Please give me another chance." Of course, if you break that trust, the two of you are probably finished, so you must decide which is more important: your life with internet interaction with strangers, or with someone who loves you.

    As for your incontinence, I must second what Drifter said. I wouldn't discount there being a physical component as well as the psychological. If it is entirely psychological, that in itself is quite serious, and it is manifesting in something extreme. I'm not a psychologist but I've had a few classes in college, enough to know that this goes beyond the boundaries of marginal behavior and physical bodily responses. If so, regardless of the expense, you do have to do what's best for you, and that would be to see a psychiatrist. I had to when I was in college because I had a psychotic break. Becoming completely incontinent if you had no childhood history of that is serious, especially if it's psychological.

    The other thing that bothers me is that you've said several times that you don't see yourself as a good enough person to justify having a relationship with another person. I'm assuming this is what you and your counselor are working through. At some point in my life, I tried to evaluate what I was about to say before I said it. I had quite a temper problem when I was young, probably because of abuse, but I did have to get control of it, and that took time. The best thing I can say is, don't give up on yourself, and don't feel that you aren't good enough, or safe enough to be in relationship with someone else. Give yourself some space and remember, none of us are perfect. We typically do a good job hiding our faults.

    The last thing I picked up from what you have said is about the switch from dom to sub. I'm sure this is caused by the same thing that rules all of us here on this site: diapers. It's who we are and it goes hand in hand, especially for those of us who are adult babies, such as myself. You simply have to talk this out with your girlfriend. I think she will understand from from what you've said. We've had other couples on this site with the same problem, and what they've done is to simply take turns with their roles. All relationships are about compromises, even this. I wish you well in all of this, and you can always PM me as well. In fact, most of what I do on this site is through PMs.

  7. #7


    Thank you, I can't PM for about a week, but that gives me some time to get to know the community here which I think is also good. I am a bit of a pragmatist. I know change takes time, and I know all people deserve compassion. However, I think some people psychologically dig themself into a place they need to get out of before exploring deeper and more meaningful relationships is productive or healthy. I'd like to believe I'm not there, but I certainly know people (To be fair they we're all sexual offenders, and not of the slight sort), that could not yet develop healthy relationships.

    In any case, I think I can make the changes necessary, but the pragmatic side of me sincerely does feel that at the moment what I have to offer isn't worth committing one-self to me. It is something I can't shake. I think it comes from the fact that many of my views were rationalizations, and the lies I said were also rationalized, which basically means I lied to myself until I believed it. The problem is when breaking through your own lies you're confronted with the very real prospect of not knowing what other things you've convinced yourself of that ultimately won't be true, and you find self-trust, much less having anyone else trust you a difficult thing to muster.

    Obviously I have a lot to talk about... Details underlie most of this, and are lacking in my general overview of these issues. Thank you for your patience.

  8. #8


    Having a female therapist maybe a bad thing because:

    1 your GF may see it as furtherance of your behaviour previously with the Internet people.

    2 Ethically and under hippo your therapist can not disclose your treatment to anyone who is not part of it ( joint therapy or couples therapy involves both of you so then it would be okay)

    A therapist I had for 8 years would not even acknowledge that he knew me when we would run into each other at the grocery store. Even if I addressed him first.

    Good luck with working on your issues and keep us posted if we can assist you.

Similar Threads

  1. Would you discuss ABDL in the public eye?
    By Sanch in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 64
    Last Post: 25-Sep-2015, 23:04
  2. So I tried to discuss with my Fiance
    By Bjjunior in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 05-Apr-2013, 22:43
  3. Replies: 12
    Last Post: 11-Aug-2011, 16:52
  4. I Want to Discuss This Before I Leave
    By scoo in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 15-Feb-2010, 12:45
  5. Any wrestling fans around here who care to discuss it?
    By WildThing121675 in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 10-Apr-2009, 21:28

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  • - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.