Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 23

Thread: People claiming to be non judgmental when they actually are

  1. #1

    Default People claiming to be non judgmental when they actually are

    Has anyone noticed that every time someone claims to be non judgmental, they actually are? Why is this?

    I think we might not all even realize how judgmental we are until we learn something new or experience that actual situation but all it takes is an open mind and not always believing you are right.

    My mom thinks I am taking this way too literal and they just mean they are flexible in their thinking and they don't judge lot of things people do if it's not hurting anyone and they try to gather all the facts first before forming an opinion. It doesn't mean they don't ever judge. An online friend told me when people claim to be non judgmental, they mean they accept LGBT and their rights.

    But yeah claiming to be non judgmental means nothing to me because for all I know, you can still think bad of AB/DLs or think bad of me for a bad situation I have been in at 16 so therefore you would still be judgmental in my eyes, especially if you read me wrong and think bad of me or make the wrong assumptions of me that are bad. Everyone judges and we are all judgmental about certain things and we all draw lines to certain areas rather it's homophobia, pedophilia, child abuse, and of course thinking Hitler was a great person and there was never genocide and none of the Jews had ever been hauled off to concentration camps and killed. We all misjudge too so IMO there is no such thing as being non judgmental. No one is non judgmental.

  2. #2

    Default

    I like the people who are hesitant to talk about the subject of being judgmental, i find they are the ones who are the most accepting of things they don't know, don't understand and just let it be. Anytime someone tells me they aren't judgmental i'm ready to run as fast as i can.

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Sihcara View Post
    I like the people who are hesitant to talk about the subject of being judgmental, i find they are the ones who are the most accepting of things they don't know, don't understand and just let it be. Anytime someone tells me they aren't judgmental i'm ready to run as fast as i can.
    Yeah same here, I have learned that anyone who claims to be non judgemental are normally judgmental. Just my personal experience and from what I have seen.

  4. #4

    Default

    I'm wondering if this is a thought that has come up because of thanksgiving? Not that it matters.

    Anyway, yeah, I think when somebody says, "I'm not judgmental, BUT..." then it kinda defeats their purpose.

    I'm sure that there are plenty of people who are non-judgmental, and talk about it to condemn it, however, I think I agree with you on that, if somebody says, "I'm not judgemental," then it likely is that they are. It is so burned into our nature to make judgments to evaluate our circumstances that it I don't think it is very likely for anybody to actually eliminate it entirely. I think the best somebody can say is, "I try not to be judgmental." If somebody says that, then I can believe them, because they are saying that they actively check themselves on that. To say that you completely defeated judging people, makes me think that you either haven't been paying attention to yourself, or you are a cyborg.

  5. #5

    Default

    I've spent a life time building up what I hope is good judgement, so it seems a shame not to use it. At the same time, I don't wish to be unfair. A lot of the things we get immediately worked up about don't really affect us personally but if someone is up to something that really does me harm, I'm going to be judging it and the consequences and likely more. I try to leave the other stuff alone.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    I'm wondering if this is a thought that has come up because of thanksgiving? Not that it matters.

    Anyway, yeah, I think when somebody says, "I'm not judgmental, BUT..." then it kinda defeats their purpose.

    I'm sure that there are plenty of people who are non-judgmental, and talk about it to condemn it, however, I think I agree with you on that, if somebody says, "I'm not judgemental," then it likely is that they are. It is so burned into our nature to make judgments to evaluate our circumstances that it I don't think it is very likely for anybody to actually eliminate it entirely. I think the best somebody can say is, "I try not to be judgmental." If somebody says that, then I can believe them, because they are saying that they actively check themselves on that. To say that you completely defeated judging people, makes me think that you either haven't been paying attention to yourself, or you are a cyborg.


    Nope nothing to do with Thanksgiving.

    Someone has also given me the "I am not judgmental but.." yes you are judgmental because what you just said to me was all wrong about me.

    I also say I try to not be judgmental. That means I do tend to judge but I try not to. I look at if it's harming me? Is it affecting me? Does it harm anyone else what they are doing or the choices they are making? Are other people happy with it? I will also say I try to be opened minded and I apply those same questions. Is it harming me?....

  7. #7

    Default

    I don't know. "Non-judgmental"? What does that even mean? Sounds like a pretty boring, frustrating thing to be, really. There are too many stupid people out there for me to possibly restrain myself! But anyway... The best we can hope for, I think, is that the always-judgmental people we run into will either be too lazy to judge us, or will strategically withhold judgment because they think it will harm the relationship.

    So, basically, if anybody ever declares themselves to you as "non-judgmental", you should judge them to be a liar, but you should probably keep that to yourself. Like the police officer watching people drive past at five miles-per-hour over the speed limit, you can be fairly certain that you'll see some even bigger idiots go by, so save your breath, and be happy that the people you're with are only somewhat lacking in self-awareness or integrity. One can have worse family and friends.



    Quote Originally Posted by Calico
    ...thinking Hitler was a great person and there was never genocide and none of the Jews had ever been hauled off to concentration camps and killed...
    The people who actually believe that are suffering from some sort of psychosis. The much larger group of people who say they believe are that just looking for attention. Only the latter group is (probably) exercising any real judgement, and they're not judging Hitler.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Cottontail View Post
    I don't know. "Non-judgmental"? What does that even mean? Sounds like a pretty boring, frustrating thing to be, really. There are too many stupid people out there for me to possibly restrain myself! But anyway... The best we can hope for, I think, is that the always-judgmental people we run into will either be too lazy to judge us, or will strategically withhold judgment because they think it will harm the relationship.

    So, basically, if anybody ever declares themselves to you as "non-judgmental", you should judge them to be a liar, but you should probably keep that to yourself. Like the police officer watching people drive past at five miles-per-hour over the speed limit, you can be fairly certain that you'll see some even bigger idiots go by, so save your breath, and be happy that the people you're with are only somewhat lacking in self-awareness or integrity. One can have worse family and friends.



    The people who actually believe that are suffering from some sort of psychosis. The much larger group of people who say they believe are that just looking for attention. Only the latter group is (probably) exercising any real judgement, and they're not judging Hitler.

    I've known someone online who thought Hitler was innocent and he was posting all these links about "evidence" to how he didn't do any of that stuff and he called us all closed minded because none of us wanted to click the links to read about it. He had been banned from another forum for "trolling." Then he had been banned from other places for the same BS. but that was when I learned that there were people out there who actually didn't believe Hitler killed over 6,000,000 Jews or else there wouldn't be websites about it. And yes I did click some of the links because I was curious. I had learned that you can find anything online to support any argument/claim you have to prove you are "right" which we might call justification.


    I liked what you said about judgmental people being too lazy to judge. So true. I often don't care about things to even form an opinion so it's impossible for me to judge. For example, people wearing sleep bottoms in public. Okay that is weird because I had been taught you only wear pajamas at home. Then online I see people were actually judgmental about it because they were judging them as people, not about the action. They were saying how they think people are lazy or dumb or stupid and I thought what does intelligence have to do with wearing pajama bottoms in public? I also couldn't believe that actually bothered some people that they have to think badly of them about it and make suspicions/assumptions. My husband will sometimes say to me "That's because you're non judgmental." I decided it's up for people to decide if you are judgmental or non judgmental because everyone has their own view on what is non judgmental and judgmental. I have been called judgmental for asking questions, questions, just so I will get the whole story before I form any opinion or understand something or know the reason why so I had learned I am supposed to be ignorant then and not try to understand or else that makes me judgmental? Mmmm. My husband said it's the way I ask them and that tells me my social skills are still bad then if I don't know how to approach people correctly and it makes me even more afraid to communicate and socialize with people because I don't know how they will interpret me or interpret what I say and it just justifies my social anxiety. At least when you are a child, they are all seen as innocent questions but when you are an adult, that all changes.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    Has anyone noticed that every time someone claims to be non judgmental, they actually are? Why is this?

    I think we might not all even realize how judgmental we are until we learn something new or experience that actual situation but all it takes is an open mind and not always believing you are right.

    My mom thinks I am taking this way too literal and they just mean they are flexible in their thinking and they don't judge lot of things people do if it's not hurting anyone and they try to gather all the facts first before forming an opinion. It doesn't mean they don't ever judge. An online friend told me when people claim to be non judgmental, they mean they accept LGBT and their rights.

    But yeah claiming to be non judgmental means nothing to me because for all I know, you can still think bad of AB/DLs or think bad of me for a bad situation I have been in at 16 so therefore you would still be judgmental in my eyes, especially if you read me wrong and think bad of me or make the wrong assumptions of me that are bad. Everyone judges and we are all judgmental about certain things and we all draw lines to certain areas rather it's homophobia, pedophilia, child abuse, and of course thinking Hitler was a great person and there was never genocide and none of the Jews had ever been hauled off to concentration camps and killed. We all misjudge too so IMO there is no such thing as being non judgmental. No one is non judgmental.
    People often use the term "non-judgmental" as if it means the same thing as "tolerant" or "accepting" even though it doesn't. People have also heard it being used as a positive about other people, so some will claim it for themselves whether or not they deserve it. It's become a cliche that someone will start a sentence "I'm not racist but..." and then say something racist - the same with saying "you know me, I'm not judgmental but..." before proceeding to trash someone. In a situation like that, there's a little pricking in your brain that you might be doing something bad, so you want to pre-emptively justify yourself.

    Myself I will admit, I'm pretty judgemental. I have a little file in my head of the worst things I've ever seen the people I know do or say.... but I try to be merciful, and I don't condemn people lightly.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    I've known someone online who thought Hitler was innocent and he was posting all these links about "evidence" to how he didn't do any of that stuff and he called us all closed minded because none of us wanted to click the links to read about it. He had been banned from another forum for "trolling." Then he had been banned from other places for the same BS. but that was when I learned that there were people out there who actually didn't believe Hitler killed over 6,000,000 Jews or else there wouldn't be websites about it. And yes I did click some of the links because I was curious. I had learned that you can find anything online to support any argument/claim you have to prove you are "right" which we might call justification.
    I really don't get those guys... especially since they're mainly people who would have been happier if it was 12 million instead of 6 million Jews dead.



    I liked what you said about judgmental people being too lazy to judge. So true. I often don't care about things to even form an opinion so it's impossible for me to judge. For example, people wearing sleep bottoms in public. Okay that is weird because I had been taught you only wear pajamas at home. Then online I see people were actually judgmental about it because they were judging them as people, not about the action. They were saying how they think people are lazy or dumb or stupid and I thought what does intelligence have to do with wearing pajama bottoms in public? I also couldn't believe that actually bothered some people that they have to think badly of them about it and make suspicions/assumptions.
    It can be fun to judge people of course... especially over things like that. If you decide that someone else doing something like that is evidence that they are lazy and stupid, the fact that you don't do it becomes evidence of your own intelligence and hard working nature. Of course you get into a kind of cycle with that, because I can look at people being snobs and feel self satisfied about not being a snob... in a way that's a little bit snobby, to be honest. But I am a liberal man...



    My husband will sometimes say to me "That's because you're non judgmental." I decided it's up for people to decide if you are judgmental or non judgmental because everyone has their own view on what is non judgmental and judgmental. I have been called judgmental for asking questions, questions, just so I will get the whole story before I form any opinion or understand something or know the reason why so I had learned I am supposed to be ignorant then and not try to understand or else that makes me judgmental? Mmmm. My husband said it's the way I ask them and that tells me my social skills are still bad then if I don't know how to approach people correctly and it makes me even more afraid to communicate and socialize with people because I don't know how they will interpret me or interpret what I say and it just justifies my social anxiety. At least when you are a child, they are all seen as innocent questions but when you are an adult, that all changes.
    Perhaps try putting your questions in a less specific way? If you ask people directly about details, or say "but how do you know that..." or "how do you it wasn't..." but if you ask in a more general way "tell me more about that, I want to know" you can often get the details out of people.

  10. #10

    Default

    Yes, I was going to say that everyone is judgmental in that we make judgments. ClaraRiddle is right in that there's a world of difference from being judgmental and tolerant. And I have to agree with Trevor in that we educate ourselves and gather information so that we can make intelligent decisions or judgments. To not make judgments would be irresponsible as we have to weigh and balance one thing against another all the time.

    Being intolerant toward those who are different from ourselves is different and is problematic in that it fosters bigotry and in extreme cases, can lead to violence.

Similar Threads

  1. Nintendo claiming revenue from Let's Play videos of their own games
    By MokatheGroundhog in forum Computers & Gaming
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 19-May-2013, 00:46
  2. Judgmental?
    By MorbidAngel in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 12-Feb-2013, 10:16
  3. Someone is Claiming My Work as Their Own
    By Dr_J in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 31-Jan-2011, 05:29
  4. Do you find AB/DLs to be judgmental?
    By rog05002 in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 11-Oct-2010, 22:10
  5. Overcoming shyness and how to approach people/talk to people?
    By timmahtherebel in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 30-May-2010, 05:53

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.