Men Are Seen As Sick But Women Are Seen As Cute

My wife has mentioned several times recently, about me wearing my Donald Duck onsie, but our relationship is not typical of most American relationships, as she accepts me, diapers and all. There's no doubt that there are double standards for a lot of things in our society. Boys wear blue and have to be tough. Girls wear pink and are cute and soft. Much of this is changing and has changed a lot in the last twenty years. It just takes time for society to accept new things like gay marriage.

I'm gonna skip the other comments and throw in my two cents here.

From what I did read, there were a lot of assumptions and some sexism going around. The reason has more to do with toxic masculinity than anything a woman directly thinks or feels. Societally we're conditioned to think that men will be MEN, dammit! Boys are pushed into growing up before they're 5 and warped ideas aboput being a man stuffed into their head by the time they're taking their first steps. Male entitlement, male dominance, violence as a means of problem-solving, DON'T CRY YOU LITTLE PUSSY!!! All those toxic imprints to varying degrees also affect how women see men. It's a culture that breeds an idea that sex is somehow shameful and offensive and yet violence is perfectly fine, and why?

Because being seen as vulnerable is tantamount to weakness, and what's more vulnerable than someone in a diaper, or someone regressing to an age where they were dependent upon someone else? It's more acceptable for a woman to be cutesy and little and child-like because men are taught that we must protect and save women. The other way around? Not so much.

Toxic masculinity perpetuates these false gender roles. It's not only the root of sexism but also of homophobia and transphobia. Men simply are not allowed to show vulnerability and that comes not from women, but from other men and the male-dominated culture we live in.

I feel like everybody has their own problems...
Maybe male ABDLs get a (relatively) harder time with coming out and/or finding acceptance in a partner, but there are a whole lot of other issues that men don't have to deal with much, like wage discrimination or sexual harassment.

I mean, really, I just don't know what the whole point of this thread is... There really isn't anything we can do as individuals to change these double standards.

MattiKins said:

I'm gonna skip the other comments and throw in my two cents here.

From what I did read, there were a lot of assumptions and some sexism going around. The reason has more to do with toxic masculinity than anything a woman directly thinks or feels. Societally we're conditioned to think that men will be MEN, dammit! Boys are pushed into growing up before they're 5 and warped ideas aboput being a man stuffed into their head by the time they're taking their first steps. Male entitlement, male dominance, violence as a means of problem-solving, DON'T CRY YOU LITTLE PUSSY!!! All those toxic imprints to varying degrees also affect how women see men. It's a culture that breeds an idea that sex is somehow shameful and offensive and yet violence is perfectly fine, and why?

Because being seen as vulnerable is tantamount to weakness, and what's more vulnerable than someone in a diaper, or someone regressing to an age where they were dependent upon someone else? It's more acceptable for a woman to be cutesy and little and child-like because men are taught that we must protect and save women. The other way around? Not so much.

Toxic masculinity perpetuates these false gender roles. It's not only the root of sexism but also of homophobia and transphobia. Men simply are not allowed to show vulnerability and that comes not from women, but from other men and the male-dominated culture we live in.

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While not disagreeing that this is a bad thing, it's hard to deny that similar situations established themselves in most cultures across the globe. You can look at isolated tribes who've had minimal contact with the rest of the world and you'll see these same kind of male rituals and dominant male attitudes. You'll also see this kind of behaviour in the animal kingdom. Society may some day advance enough to overcome this, but it's definitely woven deeply into our genes.

winnerchickendinner said:

There really isn't anything we can do as individuals to change these double standards.

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Bingo. We can only change ourselves.

Personally speaking, my fellow men- if you broach this topic to women as if it's something shameful and horrible, you're going to elicit a similar reaction. Nobody likes to pity another person, so don't treat it like you have diaper cancer. Own it. Yes, I like to wear diapers. Yes, I like to regress and enjoy children's movies and books and toys. Yes, this is fun and cute and I cuddle way better when I'm little. Yes, I can still adult. No, I will not treat you as a life support system for my diaper fetish. This is a part of who I am and I'm not going to pretend it's not there.

MattiKins said:

Bingo. We can only change ourselves.

Personally speaking, my fellow men- if you broach this topic to women as if it's something shameful and horrible, you're going to elicit a similar reaction. Nobody likes to pity another person, so don't treat it like you have diaper cancer. Own it. Yes, I like to wear diapers. Yes, I like to regress and enjoy children's movies and books and toys. Yes, this is fun and cute and I cuddle way better when I'm little. Yes, I can still adult. No, I will not treat you as a life support system for my diaper fetish. This is a part of who I am and I'm not going to pretend it's not there.

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Go MattiKins that rocks with acceptance

BoundCoder said:

While not disagreeing that this is a bad thing, it's hard to deny that similar situations established themselves in most cultures across the globe. You can look at isolated tribes who've had minimal contact with the rest of the world and you'll see these same kind of male rituals and dominant male attitudes. You'll also see this kind of behaviour in the animal kingdom. Society may some day advance enough to overcome this, but it's definitely woven deeply into our genes.

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Woven into our social fabric, yes. I'm not so sure it's genetic, though. Learned *from* observing the animal kingdom by homo sapiens over the millennia? Perhaps. But even then, which animals? With lions, for example, the females hunt. I'd say it's learned and repeatedly socialized and reinforced through male-dominated cultures over the years. We're not at all removed from warlike barbarism that we think was long in the past. I do agree it's going to take a lot of time before we purge the toxic masculinity from our species. We might not even live to that point at the rate we're going.

MattiKins said:

Woven into our social fabric, yes. I'm not so sure it's genetic, though. Learned *from* observing the animal kingdom by homo sapiens over the millennia? Perhaps. But even then, which animals? With lions, for example, the females hunt. I'd say it's learned and repeatedly socialized and reinforced through male-dominated cultures over the years. We're not at all removed from warlike barbarism that we think was long in the past. I do agree it's going to take a lot of time before we purge the toxic masculinity from our species. We might not even live to that point at the rate we're going.

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There are of course exceptions, just as there has been the occasional female dominated culture (usually from the amazon, or so pornographydocumentaties would have us believe), but I'd say the majority of species are male dominated. At the very minimum, chimpanzees and orangutans are male dominated.

To me the learned social behaviour argument falls apart when you see isolated groups developing the same general behaviours all on their own. Within the group it definitely perpetuates and amplifies the bahaviour, but I don't think it's the root of it.

I wanna chime in. As someone new to the AB/DL community, I see nothing wrong with wearing diapers for need, or just because you want to. I, too, would love nothing more than having a mate that accepts this side of me. For me, it is a matter of when and where. I only indulge at home. But, everyone's free to their own choices, and if I see an AB/DL, might strike up a friendly conversation with them!

MattiKins said:

I'm gonna skip the other comments and throw in my two cents here.

From what I did read, there were a lot of assumptions and some sexism going around. The reason has more to do with toxic masculinity than anything a woman directly thinks or feels. Societally we're conditioned to think that men will be MEN, dammit! Boys are pushed into growing up before they're 5 and warped ideas aboput being a man stuffed into their head by the time they're taking their first steps. Male entitlement, male dominance, violence as a means of problem-solving, DON'T CRY YOU LITTLE PUSSY!!! All those toxic imprints to varying degrees also affect how women see men. It's a culture that breeds an idea that sex is somehow shameful and offensive and yet violence is perfectly fine, and why?

Because being seen as vulnerable is tantamount to weakness, and what's more vulnerable than someone in a diaper, or someone regressing to an age where they were dependent upon someone else? It's more acceptable for a woman to be cutesy and little and child-like because men are taught that we must protect and save women. The other way around? Not so much.

Toxic masculinity perpetuates these false gender roles. It's not only the root of sexism but also of homophobia and transphobia. Men simply are not allowed to show vulnerability and that comes not from women, but from other men and the male-dominated culture we live in.

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Yes.
Toxic Masculinity is the root cause of Homophobia.
Like it or not, toxic masculinity is enshrined as immutable and correct for all time by religion.
Torah, Bible, Quran all state that there is only one correct version of "how to be a man".
All pretty-much enshrine all-out genocidal violence against men who are not the correct version of "being a man".
Unfortunately, not all men can ever live up to the religious model of masculinity.

I see it as instinctive behavior that is reinforced by culture. Cultures vary but the basic pattern of male behavior is the same.

I had seen a documentary on a South American tribe where the women dominated and made all the rules (no - not the Amazons). The political power structure was exclusively female. A young man was allowed to dabble in sex with young women up until he was selected as a mate by whichever woman was in a position to acquire him. From that point on, if he engaged in sex with anyone other than the woman who claimed him he would be executed. But even in that tribe the men were the hunters and the women were the gatherers. The only time the female leadership deferred to male judgement was in times of war with other tribes. The men were still the soldiers and military tacticians.

I don't claim to be totally proficient on the subject, but I concur with both sides.

From what I have seen, many male ABDLs have been rejected for opening up; which is for the exact reason Drifter mentions above -- cultural expectation and types. I remember reading on understanding.infantilism.org (which I know there are very mixed views on!) about the princess-dragon effect, or whatever they call it... and how men in most cultures have an expectation of being in firm stead, taking on the traditional traits of "manliness"... which aren't terribly synonymous with wearing diapers.

Indeed, in this day and age, no man should be pegged with those traits; in Western Society in particular we've learnt to see past that somewhat narrow-minded view. The issue comes into play I believe because many women have that "traditional" expectation of men -- particularly if it's their partner, wife, etc. who should be the person to look after, nurture and protect them; not the other way round, which would be the connotation brought up by an ABDL lifestyle. Not saying that's always the case, but the first perception probably is to do with which sex "should" be more likely to assume that role being in a position requiring care and attention.

And that's why it works the other way; because sadly that is still the expectation society has of men, and of women :-(

Based on my own personal experience, it comes down to personality first and foremost. I wouldn't have told my other half unless I was even a little bit sure that she might understand; or rather, accept it without it affecting our relationship. It took me to know her lifestyle, her story, the way she deals with situations, with people... and ultimately her general feeling on the subject, before I could judge how she would take it. But that took a lot of persuasion on her part as well, to let me know that there was nothing that could phase her feelings for me.

That's the crux of life. Everyone is different, and to say that every girl is cute and every guy is weird for being into diapers is a matter of singular perception.
Don't let it put you off being yourself... you can't please everyone

I used to think of it that way where it's not fair that guys can't act cute! Sometimes I still do! I want to sometimes act cute like a little kid in footed pajamas and diapers but I want someone to like me for it a lot! And I want to meet a girl like that too! I love it when they have a pacifier in their footed pj's and when they still have their smart mature side! It's just so cute and awesome!

So after skimming through a lot of what has been said in this thread, I do need to add to what some people are saying and also make some corrections.

1. Males are the dominate gender when it comes to humans, and it isn't simply learned, it is a part of our species. Males are usually the dominate gender in most species. It's the way we evolved and no amount of social intervening will change this.
2. Male lions are still dominate even though they typically do not hunt. They are the protectors, so they are omitted from hunting. Males also eat first and leave the scraps for the females. Males also do hunt sometimes though. You can read a lot more about it here http://blog.londolozi.com/2014/04/do-male-lions-hunt/

3. Females are always going to be seen as cute, and so when they do something cute .. it's a lot more likely to be accepted. In this case, acting like a baby is seen as cute. Wearing a diaper ... not nearly as much, but it's likely to still be a whole lot more accepted than a male wearing a diaper. The reason why diapers tend to be stepping over the line a bit is because humans typically are also hard wired to stay away from waste. In fact most animals are like that, besides certain species of rodents. Also this is excluding insects, as I don't know much about them. However, since babies tend to be associated with diapers and babies are seen as cute, that is why sometimes women can get away with it. It can supersede the bad.

Males on the other hand, are not typically associated with being cute. In fact, their physical appearance drifts away from that as they mature. So when a male wears a diaper there isn't anything to supersede the hard wiring. For most, it just doesn't look appealing. Then when you think about the actual diaper that possibly could be dirty ... most people will just see it as gross as they should based on how we typically would react to waste.

This is also similarly why a female wetting them self can be seen as attractive and cute and possibly followed by laughter, while a male wetting them self likely will be seen as gross and will likely be followed by dirty looks.


Now, just to be clear ... there will always be exceptions to the rules. There always are. It's why we are filled with such diversity to begin with, because nature / evolution doesn't adhere to those rules. If nature was strict ... none of us would be here today because none of us would be AB/DLs to begin with. But this also does mean that these exception are just that, exceptions. Meaning they are abnormalities when compared to what we would consider the usual. That is why you have more males accepting female AB/DLs and less females, accepting male AB/DLs.

Well at least these are my view points on the matter. I do try to take a very scientific and logical approach to these sort of things, less based on opinion, but considering I do not have any actual data on this .. I can't claim it as factual.

I think about this issue all the time. For me, I expose myself to the community through Instagram and Tumblr. All the time I this occur and not just in the relationship aspect. I see girls make a single post and their likes and comments get blown up with "oh so cute" and even some creepier comments but as a guy, when I post, I get a lot of hate or "eww that's creepy" from females". Seems like a double standard almost even within the community. Guys can't be cute? It's why I don't post all that much anymore and my "friend's" list often gets cleaned out.

BinkyBoi said:

I think about this issue all the time. For me, I expose myself to the community through Instagram and Tumblr. All the time I this occur and not just in the relationship aspect. I see girls make a single post and their likes and comments get blown up with "oh so cute" and even some creepier comments but as a guy, when I post, I get a lot of hate or "eww that's creepy" from females". Seems like a double standard almost even within the community. Guys can't be cute? It's why I don't post all that much anymore and my "friend's" list often gets cleaned out.

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Yeah on Instagram I always see tons of comments saying that a girl is cute but for me I get like one saying I look nice and then I get random people who give me grief, I block them however

I admit that I did have a problem with a FTM transgender autistic a while back, who's PCA trashed me online about my AB/DL lifestyle, when this particular Autistic FTM transgender person is a full-blown AB/DL.
Needless to say, this person betrayed my trust.
Her AB/DL behavior was seen as cute and adorable for a 33 year old, but my being an AB/DL was seen as sick and diseased.
Damn "double standard".

Well lets think about why Woman are more cute in diapers Is it the fact that they shave there legs after all does that have a little something to do with the appearance .
And just think, What do all of you think of men in Diapers look like with harry legs this could be a turn off. But I know I am still game if I could find A Woman with similar interest as me,
Living life well diapered in disposables and living life to as cute as we can make it forever.