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Thread: Advice Please - Hospital Stay in a few Weeks

  1. #1

    Question Advice Please - Hospital Stay in a few Weeks

    Hi friends, a somewhat serious inquiry for you.

    Over the past several months, I have been going through preparations to have surgery for a gastrectomy -- a procedure used for helping people lose weight. My doctor says I'll spend at least 2 nights in the hospital, and probably will need to be in bed most of the time once out of the hospital. I'm excited about how this surgery is going to help me get more healthy -- and about resolving some of my underlying medical issues. But I also feel afraid.

    One of the big things that worries me is my bedwetting. I've shared a bit about this in the past...it started a few years ago when I started using a CPAP machine. It's odd, because usually it goes in the opposite direction for people with sleep apnea (the CPAP typically resolves this issue). Anyways, for quite a while it was happening every night and since then has been far more intermittent. I've gone for several weeks without an episode, then slipped back into times where it'll be every night for week or two. In general, I'd say it happens 3-4x per week. And in some ways, it seems like it's more likely if I'm wearing a diaper -- As in, my wife and I both wonder if my diaper wearing might influence it happening. [And yes, I've been to urologists, neurologists, sleep specialists, therapists etc. -- no one has much of a clue as to why I'm having this problem]

    Ok - so of course, I'm DL. I enjoy diapers; they help me deal with stress and fear, etc, etc. And so other than being kind of embarrassing in terms of our culture, having to wear diapers for bedwetting is fun most of the time. You understand.

    So here's my question. What would you do if you were in my situation: intermittent bedwetting, upcoming surgery w/ at least a couple night stay, and also secretly liking diapers? Should I talk to the hospital staff about it before I get there? Should I ask them how my bedwetting will be accommodated? Should I take my own diapers with me and plan on wearing them (my wife will be with me so she'll help me w/ putting it on if I need it I'm sure)? Should I just not tell the staff at all -- and if it happens, it happens, and I'll just pee in the bed?

    I wear a diaper most nights at home or even when I'm traveling. And in general, it's a necessary and good thing. So that's my normal deal -- it's medically helpful. But because this is also a fetish, I'm sensitive and conscientious about it. I don't want to subject other unsuspecting people to my sexual proclivities. At the same time, I know that my diaper wearing is also something that helps me with anxiety/stress...it's a form of self-care for me in a way.

    My wife thinks I should leave diapers home and not tell the hospital about bedwetting at all. She says the staff will laugh at me and make fun of me behind my back -- and that it'll affect my level of care because they'll think I'm a weirdo and want to stay away from my room as much as possible. She thinks it'd be a huge oddity for a 30-something guy wearing a diaper in the hospital if he's ambulatory and otherwise continent.

    So yeah, I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. I have an appointment (the final one before surgery) in the coming week and so It seems like this is the opportunity to bring it up with the doctor/nurse and ask for their opinion on it.

    Thanks for your help/advice (more serious replies would be particularly helpful)....If this fits better in the incontinence section, by all means, move it.

  2. #2

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    I am sure that the staff would much rather that you wore a diaper than wet the bed. If they laugh behind your back that would be unprofessional, but hey, you won't see them again, so what does it matter?

    You have a genuine medical reason to wear, so go ahead and do it. It's not like some posters on here who want to just because they are DL's only (which I disagree with, but each to their own)

  3. #3

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    As long as you have a real incontinence problem bring it up with the Dr when you see him. I'm sure this is not the first time they have had to deal with this.
    Above all you must be honest with him. After all you are placing your health in his hands and he must be aware of everything.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by cm90210 View Post
    My wife thinks I should leave diapers home and not tell the hospital about bedwetting at all. She says the staff will laugh at me and make fun of me behind my back -- and that it'll affect my level of care because they'll think I'm a weirdo and want to stay away from my room as much as possible. She thinks it'd be a huge oddity for a 30-something guy wearing a diaper in the hospital if he's ambulatory and otherwise continent.
    Urinary incontinence of one kind or another affects between 3 and 11% of the male population, according to one study I read, escalating with age. The medical profession has been trying to de-stigmatise it for years. Nocturnal enuresis in a mid-30's man may be rare, but not so rare that the staff of a reasonable-size hospital won't have dealt with it before. For them to behave in a manner such as your wife suggests would be grossly unprofessional, and for them to allow it to affect the care that they offer would leave them open to claims of negligence.

    Besides, you have to go back to the age old argument - you can have wet nappies, or wet sheets, which do you prefer? There is no evidence that wearing nappies actually causes incontinence, so basic consideration for the hospital staff should dictate that if you have good reason to believe that you might have an accident, then you should take appropriate precautions. Based on your reported nightly rate of incidence of roughly 50% on average, the probability of you having an accident during a two-day stay is pretty high, especially if you take the effects of drugs, stress and anxiety into account. Besides, if you think that they'll mock you for wearing nappies, how much worse would it be if you actually wet the bed?

    So long as you are actually IC, any guilt you may feel about also being DL is utterly irrelevant. You aren't involving other people in your fetish, because you have a demonstrated need for nappies. Being so ashamed of your fetish that you actually end up leaving the hospital staff with extra work isn't reasonable behaviour either.

    Bottom line, incontinence is a recognised medical condition, and you should not be concealing a condition which might potentially impact your care from the hospital staff. Ever watch House? In a significant proportion of the episodes, the illness ends up being resolved by identifying a variable that the patient deliberately withheld. You are not qualified to determine what the hospital staff need to know. So tell them.
    Last edited by Akastus; 10-Nov-2015 at 05:27.

  5. #5

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    Yes tell them they may just cath you any way .
    I wish you luck if your gut is telling you wrong you mite lisson.
    I had a friend it messed up he could not eat after it all up to the one doing the surgery how good is he.
    He is on a feeding tube now.

  6. #6

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    To mimic what others have said, yes tellthe docs. Legitimate incontinence cases are nothing to be shy around docs with. Took me two years to learn that. No matter how embarrassing it is for you they have heard or seen it. Loaded my diaper while talking to a doc that was a bit skeptical. Needless to say after seeing it happen he beleived me.

    Also bringing your own is a good idea. The ones they have are over priced and mediocre quality at best. It will help to keep the bill down a couple extra bucks and most likely leak less if you use a premium diaper like Abena or dry 24/7. That way you don't have to worry about a leak and the embarrassment that comes with one.

  7. #7

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    You have the right to refuse the catheter, as long as it's not a life-saving medical procedure, which it would be if a patient had massive abdominal injuries and was peeing blood, but in most surgeries, the Foley catheter is there to keep the patient from peeing the operating table. A diaper works just as well, but urine samples are easier for nurses to obtain with catheters, nurses would rather empty a cath bag than change a diaper, and diapers hurt most toilet trained patients feelings, so, most patients get cathed.


    Quote Originally Posted by cm90210 View Post
    My wife thinks I should leave diapers home
    Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry! Don't leave them at home. Bring your own; bring your own; bring your own. Hopsicle diapers are crap!

    Quote Originally Posted by cm90210 View Post
    and not tell the hospital about bedwetting at all.
    Yes, they need to know, but you can tell the nurse when you get there.

    Quote Originally Posted by cm90210 View Post
    She says the staff will laugh at me and make fun of me behind my back
    Anyone in the medical field should have the emotional quotient never to laugh at a patient. Still, some have had bad experiences. If they give you ish, educate them. If that doesn't work, report them.

    Quote Originally Posted by cm90210 View Post
    -- and that it'll affect my level of care because they'll think I'm a weirdo and want to stay away from my room as much as possible.
    They know that to let it effect you level of care could get them reported, at best, and at worst, sued or thrown in jail.

    Quote Originally Posted by cm90210 View Post
    She thinks it'd be a huge oddity for a 30-something guy wearing a diaper in the hospital if he's ambulatory and otherwise continent.
    She thinks those things, does she? You said it right at the end there. Did you catch it? Nocturnal enuresis is a form of incontinence, and medical pros know it. No one should give you ish about it. They see it all the time. Seriously, like daily. So, is the problem their opinion of you, or. . .? I'm just asking.
    Last edited by SpAzpieSweeTot; 11-Nov-2015 at 17:25.

  8. #8

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    Ok, if they are printed then your wife may be right, but if not, take them. Who in there right mind would expect someone who just had surgery to be healthy enough not to need protection? I would think the standard procedure would be to provide you with something unless the two nights are before the surgery. Do they even make hospital beds without padding in case of accidents? I got protection as a healthy ambulatory 20 something person when I was in the hospital.

  9. #9

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    Just to add to all the good advice above, the hospital; mattresses are covered in a washable material and they always put a mattress pad down, a really absorbent one. Wear you diapers and tell the staff. Maybe it will be exciting to have a nurse change you?

  10. #10

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    I have to agree with all the others. Your wife is really wrong about the nurses and staff. They see incontinence all the time. I had my back operated on a couple of years ago. During surgery, they hang a saline bag and all of that is going into you. After surgery, you're going to have to pee big time. For that reason, I would bring your own diapers as they will be a better quality, and if your wife is there, she can help you change. The nurses wouldn't be involved.

    My concern with my back surgery was that I wouldn't be able to urinate. After my first surgery, because of where it was located in the spine, I had to catheterize myself for six weeks until things kicked in and started working. The anesthesia they use will tend to anesthetize your bladder and other systemic muscles, but they will come to life and start working big time, like your bladder. That was my case after the second surgery. At first it was difficult to urinate, but I had to go many times in several hours, and things worked very well indeed.

    Our daughter-in-law is a surgical RN and she told me about the anesthesia and how it works on the body, so I would bring the diapers. You're going to be sore from the surgery, so give yourself a break.

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