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Thread: Having Serious Doubts...

  1. #1

    Default Having Serious Doubts...

    For the last few, months really, I haven't been the same. That trip down to Texas with my family in June just, changed something in me, almost like I feel numb to the world. But with that said, never before has my anxiety been this bad. There isn't a day I go without worrying about the same thing to the point where I almost feel like vomiting. If I was more sensitive then I could probably cry, but my heart is as cold as ice. Things in the last month have especially been going badly, moreso something that happened the other day. I posted a thread about this earlier, but my girlfriend has major depression. And suffice to say, it hasn't gotten any better. In fact, I think it's gotten worse. And as much as it pains me to say it, almost all of my anxiety comes from when she gets really depressed. Every time she is down and wants to just give it all up; my stomach and psyche take a huge hit and I feel like I want to throw up and I won't eat for the entire day. It's just...part of me doesn't want to do this anymore...and I hate myself for even thinking that! I do care about her, more than ANYthing in the entire world! And yet...this thought has plagued my mind for the last month. Almost every day there's a part of me that says "I wish things could go back to how they were before all of this." or "I never wish I had even gotten into a relationship.". I fucking hate having these thoughts on my mind on a daily basis, but I can't stop thinking about it! Moreso in the last 2 days because of something she told me. Long story short, I wasn't gonna dress up for Halloween cause I was a lazyass and didn't get a costume ready, big whoop right? Well, she puts on the crocodile tears and depressive mopyness that she always has when she's feeling depressed, except that she outright told me that it was all to get me to change my mind about not dressing up. And you know what? It actually hurt. I felt betrayed...lied to. And now I can't help but think, in the back of my mind, "What if it's all an act? Is any of this actually real? What has she been lying to me about all this time? What's really the truth anymore?". And you have no idea how much I hate myself for even THINKING that! But it's constantly been nagging me since she said that. If anything, I guess I'm more confused and just kinda saddened by it.

    Sorry for the depressive bullshit, seems like a lotta people on here have been feeling like this recently. This year has just been horrible. But yeah, feels a little better actually typing all of this out rather than running through it over and over again in my head.

  2. #2


    Time to break out. Try something completely different. Go to the library. Ride your bicycle to the next state. Go skydiving.

  3. #3


    I agree with Maxx, it's time to try something new. Pick something you've always wanted to do and go do it. Even if it ends up not being fun, it will distract you from the normalcy of life and break the "circle think" you're experiencing.

    Also, and I may be off base here, but make sure to set weekly, monthly, and yearly goals. They don't have to be complex, just something to work towards that give a sense of progress and keep you from getting stuck in a rut. It's amazing just how much all of the little wins add up when you are feeling down.

  4. #4


    I have to say though, you really need to work out whatever is happening with your relationship. For you and her, you keeping on feeling this way is a bad idea. If trying to entertain yourself and improve your mood in general does nothing, you two might need to work out whatever issues you had.

    The situation you described, I feel like you should pull back from your feelings and hurt for the moment. I understand you feel lied to, but I feel like these feelings are a bit of a trap. A sort of trap where you dismiss the greater context of the stiuation and focus entirely on the hurt of being lied to. Being lied to a serious problem, Still, I urge you to think about her perspective on the situation, why does she feel the need to do that? Why does she feel you wouldn't take her feelings and desires seriously unless she played up her depression? How is this person you say you love more than anything feeling? I'm sure she didn't do it without feeling a deep need to do so.

    Basically, the fact that she is at the point of needing to lie, I would feel like there is something that I am doing wrong as well. When my partner starts hiding the truth from me, I also think about what I'm doing to make her want to do that.

  5. #5


    You have to be strong for her, for the both of you. If her depression is as bad as you say, she needs to seek help. Real help. Counselling or therapy. Depression is an illness, an infestation of the mind. It won't go away and it won't get easier. Take a break by all means, you need to gather your strength and your thoughts. But I think you feel resentful towards her for her depression.

    People do strange things when they're that upset; something as little as not wanting to dress up for Halloween can trigger it. You must not blame her for those things; more often than not it is her illness. take it seriously and make her seek help. If she doesn't want it, try and be there no matter what. Maybe she needs a break from it all too.

  6. #6


    I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time. No one should have to go through those sorts of feelings.

    While it's obviously easy for me to say since I'm uninvolved in the situation, I truly feel that there comes a point when you need to think about your own health first. Yes, relationships are about being there for your other half, but they are also about give and take. If this relationship is sucking you dry and causing you that much upset, it may be time to take a step back from it. You need to take care of yourself as well as other people.

    All the best.

  7. #7


    I am my wife's caregiver. She is a type A diabetic and has been diabetic since she was 20. She had her right leg amputated a year ago, below the knee. She also is on kidney dialysis and I am her dialysis partner as we do home dialysis. She is on the machine as I type this. I say this to illustrate a point. When we go to the dialysis center, there's a big bulletin board which gives pointers to the caregiver, the first being to take care of yourself. Have some time for yourself and do something you enjoy doing. They suggest this so that you can maintain your sanity, because one can suffer PTSD from situations other than war or being shot at.

    Living with someone who suffers from significant depression can and most likely will cause the same kind of stress that caregivers suffer from. I have several male friends who are on very successful second marriages because their first marriage was to someone who was bi-polar. Those marriages ended in divorce. It can be very difficult to endure for the long haul, so something to think about. You won't be able to endure this forever without talking this out and for your girlfriend to seek professional help. One person's mental illness can become very manipulative toward the ones they love, and that can be damaging to both of you. Somewhere down the line, something must change. Just something to think about.

  8. #8

  9. #9


    Hello Blackwing

    I have been thing about this for several days now and the has been a lot of good feed back given to you so far.

    First: The posting of this thread is a good move.

    I do the same thing in the blogs when I am having issues, and it is a good grounding practice.

    Second: What was said in the other thread still applies.

    She needs to get professional help. Only she an do anything for herself to help address the issues and come out of it.

    Third: and the most important is TAKE ARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!!!!!!!

    Like you pointed out there was a very hard time last month, when several people were having issues and asking for help here.
    I offered as much advice as I could and felt like I was being ignored.
    IT started me down a path that I had no need to go down, and one of my TRUE friends here made on simple comment; "put your oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else".

    THe other thought is that you may be right about what is going on. (and it fits into a personal situation I was in)

    The story as I read it is the passive aggressive situation that I was in that lead me to my first crisis. IT leads back to the third point and the suggestions that have been made.

    Take some time for yourself. Communicate your needs using I statements and step away for a period of time, be it a walk (brief), short trip (a few days) or more so that you can get yourself taken are of. Then come back and offer help to her.

    From there follow your gut instinct and see what will work.

    If she responds then give her all of the love and support she needs.

    IF things do not change then look at it from several different points of view and again follow your gut feelings.

    IF it is the passive aggressive response then you need to look hard at what is best for you and "put your oxygen mask on first, before helping others".

    I hope this helps.


  10. #10

    Default "I wish there was an "upvote" option"

    Quote Originally Posted by PetiteAbeille View Post
    I wish there was an "upvote" option. This was very well put.
    There is, of sorts... Down towards the lower-left of the text box, right between the "Blog this Post" and, the little black triangle with the exclamation mark... you see something like * Rep +/-

    Click that then, select the appropriate Subject of commentary (i.e. Positive Plus Rep, Neutral/Anonymous comment or, Neg Rep which is usually an ADISC violation and/or, you found the post to be quite offensive)

    When you reach the (I believe) "EC" -Established Contributor, or above levels; you will then be able to see when Plus Reps are attributed to a post...

    Now, the official construct of the Reputation System as outlined from our fearless leader's AI robot, known as ADISC

    Follow this link, please

    Happy motoring!
    And, a belated welcome to ADISC!

    p.s. The reason we put the literal or, proverbial oxygen mask on ourselves first; is so we are preserved and remain in a condition to help others... otherwise, we risk loosing consciousness... and, we become useless to anyone... including ourselves... Self-preservation, is not selfish in a hierarchical sense... It's just good for business... Thank you!

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