I suffer from OCD, I would not wish it on my worst enemy. The worst thing are the thoughts, the intrusive, unwanted, unceasing thoughts that will rear their ugly head at the worst possible time.
Thoughts of murder, rape, or worse, child molestation. The kind of thing I would NEVER actually do, I end up thinking and obsessing over.
I just want the torment to end. I don't want to feel like I have to make it up to somebody for something I never did. I feel like I have to go above and beyond to prove that I am not a monster, as if I had already committed an unspeakable deed.
It sometimes gets so bad that I legitimately wished I could down a bunch of my pills, or put a gun to my head. I end up sobbing over it.
I'm legitimately tormented, particularly about my fiance's niece, the sweetest, most wonderful 6 year old you could ever meet. I love her to death and would NEVER hurt her or violate her or defile her in any way, but I just have these horrible thoughts, unspeakable thoughts. I feel like I have to exonerate myself for a crime I've never committed.
Please help me.