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Thread: Help me...

  1. #1

    Default Help me...

    I'm going through a lot. My fighting was all in vain. My heart is in pieces, my mind in shambles. I don't know what to do with myself. My mate has basically left me for my best friend. I'm in ruin, I can't hold myself together. I love her so much, but I wasn't good enough for her. I have to move in with them too because I have nowhere else to go. I need help, I need advice, reassurance, something. I don't know what I need, but I want this pain to stop, it hurts so much.

  2. #2


    I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say. I know it hurts, but you will survive. Hang in there.

  3. #3


    I'm sorry that you are going through this, that is really terrible that it hit so close to home that it was your friend that was involved.

    It is strange that you are living with them after what they did to you, but I guess it is at least considerate, and the least they can do for what they did to you. I guess depending on the level of commitment that you and your mate had, really kind of reflects what kind of response I would see as appropriate, but I certainly suggest that getting independent from them should be your first goal. Living in a situation where somebody you loved has left you and still is in the same house, is not psychologically recommendable as far as I understand. The sooner you can distance yourself from them, the easier it will be to move on. If you still want them in your life, that is up to you, if you were not in a marriage, then it would probably be easier to deal with, but if you had at least an exclusive relationship with your mate and he/she broke that trust without first talking to you, then I would personally want to break contact. The fact too that your best friend was involved makes it even more difficult, because even though there is no actual 'Bro-Code' (or Sister-Code), the fact still stands that in most friendships, you expect your friend to not go after your own mate, otherwise it is difficult to trust them.

    Don't go making yourself homeless by leaving when they offered you a place, but certainly start looking for elsewhere to go. Otherwise every day will be a constant reminder, and hey, when it is time, you will find somebody who is better, and loves you for you.

  4. #4


    Take a deep breath. exhale. Take another one.

    You're going to have to put up with some distasteful things for a while... try not to do anything rash or irrational until you've had some time to sort out options and come up with a plan for YOU.

  5. #5


    I'm just....I'm so torn to pieces. We where engaged at one point, but my depression screwed things up. I hate this so much, I'm in so much pain

  6. #6


    Quote Originally Posted by VallenTheFireFox View Post
    I'm just....I'm so torn to pieces. We where engaged at one point, but my depression screwed things up. I hate this so much, I'm in so much pain
    I think, that it's too soon to say this now... However, I think you hit the nail on the head... Your depression, has not been perhaps properly attended to...

    That may be more difficult and, likely more paramount to address now...

    In depression, we often do carry out self-fulfilling acts... Our fear drives us to set up realizations, of exactly what we fear...

    We obsess, and ignore... rather selectively; what we believe from this distorted view... to be a fact for action...

    We place contingencies of our worthiness, etc... on something or someone else...

    You've got to get help for the depression... now more than ever!

    I'm sure that some of you are tired or confused by me and others saying this... However... call these places now!

    If you live in the United States and you need someone to speak to about your suicidal feelings, please call one of the following national suicide prevention HELP lines:
    1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

    1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
    I'm not ignoring the friend or significant other... past, present or future... I'm placing priority on getting the depression (and anxiety) on the mend... first and foremost... Without that, I can only conclude for myself, that you will continue to suffer as you do now...

    I'm not at all without sympathy, empathy, or kindness... I know, all too well from my own experiences... how terribly painful this likely is...

    I'm also convinced of the utmost importance of addressing the depression as a priority as the single most important thing for you to concentrate on...

    My best to you, Keep talking,

  7. #7


    The best thing what you'd do is retake something to do. It'd not be related with your initial problem. Hope it'd work, but I can't say "What to do..."

    Ever worst thing is enter into vicous circle when you're over and over again thinking "Wtf I've done wrong ?"/"Why this ?" etc. Lot of times I realized the "How," but mostly without knowing the "Why," so the best thing is don't think in that. And search for some activity.

  8. #8


    I knew you were going through hell but I didn't know you and your partner broke up.

    I echo the advice above, namely Marka. You need to find a way to help yourself before you can move on and commit to anything else. Maybe a change in cultural interests and environment might help, not sure, anything is worth a shot.

    Good luck.

  9. #9


    I'm very sorry you are going through this. I don't know the full situation as to why you have nowhere else to go, but I suggest you do whatever it takes to find somewhere else to live, being in the same space as those two will not be healthy for you.

    Good Luck.


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