Imprinting & Fetishism

Hi Everyone,

I'd rather not have this fetish—that is a stigmatized object-fetish—and I believe that it effects my well-being. The alternative (I presume) would being just a normal guy minus the fetish, which would be far less stigmatizing and would undoubtedly mean a greater chance of being in a relationship. Not being in a relationship might lead to reduced social well-being, isolation, or loneliness. Of course, I could find a partner, but when these garments offer the same experience, where's the incentive to search for a partner? Moreover, even if one finds a partner, how does the fetish and partner/marriage balance?

Basically, I believe that my father induced this object fetish through imprinting. This seems very far fetched, but by the way that he interacts with his dog (who also has a fetish for stuffed animals) I'm certain that this was the result of imprinting that took place early in my life course and would not have taken place in the absence of his behaviour. I feel very angry that this may have happened, since I incur the costs of his behaviour in the form of reduced well-being. How bizarre is this thought process?

Any insight? If you believed that someone gave you this fetish, what would come of it?

Best wishes,

Toaster

You won't shed this fetish easily, and, if you manage, you might not exactly like who/what you will become, though you could probably deal with those changes through therapy. Will it make you a better person? Not likely. Will it make it easier to find love? Maybe. Will it rear its' ugly head in your new relationship/marriage? Probably.

Bottom line is, learn to love yourself, and your weirdness first (doesn't sound like you currently do), then keep yourself available (get out more!), and participate in life. Love will find you. Also, stop blaming others for your fetish. That's just an escape mechanism, as if somehow you're not in control of it, when you are.

Lastly, if you manage to actually stop wearing diapers, do you just think the thoughts and urges will go away??? And be replaced by what?? Nothing??? Not likely at all. You might just become a very sad person, wearing normal underpants, and resenting yourself, and your own actions, when you realize that the diaper fetish wasn't/isn't stopping you from finding love; you are/were...

I can understand what you are talking about with the imprinting aspect. Although that is a bit hard considering that we still don't have an exact understanding as to how this kind of behaviour may be imprinted. I only say this because everyone in life starts out wearing diapers. And yet, not everyone is an ABDL. I am curious to ask why you think that your father might be the cause of your imprinting?

But i guess you are right on one aspect about it. If it is simply a matter of imprinting, then it is a bit unfair that you are the one that has to deal with that kind of fallout from such things. However, i would try to avoid mulling on that aspect considering that things can change if that is what you truly want. It is never an easy path (and yes, it does mean you would have to deal with the consequences of something that wasn't your fault/in your control), but that is all part of growing up/living. We all have our own "issues" that may have been caused from any number of things that our parents have done/other people have done to us. But it is our responsibility to be the best person we can be. And as far as I'm concerned, if being the best person means i have absorbent underwear and perhaps like being a little bit babyish when I'm feeling stressed, well, it isn't exactly the worst thing.

Ive resented my parents forever over this too. It may or may not be their fault. Many years of trying to figure out the cause has led to nothing. I remember first urges at four years old and think of all the other things going on at that time. It could be anything, and i wish it wasnt a part of me either. But it is and its not going away. Maybe i will talk with my mom about it, but she would blame herself and nothing would be accomplished.
In my twenties i went through my longest diaperless period. In that time I substituted diapers for sex with one nighters from clubs or online. The excitement and danger worked as a sub. But, it was distructive behavior that led to getting sick a lot and messing with drugs. i went back to the diapers and pretty much embraced them. Sleep in them every night. Many years later, told my best friend and he was accepting. He told me of his kinks (probably just to help normalize mine). Then we started a relationship and he moved in about 7 years ago. Not saying everything is perfect, but there are many people who will accept your diaper desires expecially if they got a kink of their own.

Ok, thanks for your responses. With regards to the idea that a fetish shouldn't hinder one's ability to find a partner and 'love will find you' (as mentioned by the first response)—I thought that if one's attention is on an object, then one has less incentive to find a reward outside of that object. I'll be honest I have not yet had a partner. I thought this was because I have a fetish for these garments that is more rewarding than finding one. How many 'DLs' have the same frequency and quality of relationships with romantic partners as people with vanilla preferences?

Also, regarding family, I just get a sense my father caused this fetish. I suppose it's an advantage when it comes to analyzing this issue, but seeing family films I think I know the antecedents of the imprinting on diapers was through a kind of careless (but not morally corrupt) play. It just feels like a wrong, and I feel that someone should get away with essentially misleading someone like that, in spite of ignorance of imprinting in general. I don't mean to be arrogant but I think I have good attributes, and I feel that having this fetish has caused me problems. Also, I have had some form of OCD for a while I think that the common conflation that the public makes between diaper fetishes with criminality makes me feel contaminated (which is the reason I prefer to refer to a diaper fetish as a garment fetish, since the latter make it clear that being attracted by garments should not be seen as morally wrong).

Part of me would want to just deliver justice to my father for imprinting this garment fetish onto me, although I doubt anything would come of that sentiment. Maybe I'll speak to him about this, and lay forth my accusation, although I just don't think is a good idea from a practical point of view. I just feel like this mistake, that effected me so profoundly, should not be quietly swept away for me to deal with alone for the rest of my life.

First I have to say that I definitely can live in with your questions. Allow to give me my thoughts by using 'cocktail party English (since I do not originally come from the US nor the UK :sweatdrop

As other members here already mentioned: Many many thoughts about the reason *why* I like to wear diapers and other 'weird' fetish things (like plastic pants etcetera). This aspect by itself is rather complex and for lots of people it is complex to manage this from a logistical point of view too. Never found the answer, nor a solution. For the latter point I did: Learned a very good profession and became independent to live a good life where -as a result- money is not an issue. (= I can buy any nappy I want )

While discovering internet > 20 years ago (!) I stumbled over 'The Den of Bittergrey' website. Here -at least- I found a bit of an explanation of what 'Diaper Lovers' and/or 'Adult Babys' are. :detective3

'The Den' explained about the spectrum of our fetish, and that we are not alone. OK, I realize that for people with an IQ of less than 90 or so, we will be cornered quickly as 'weirdo's' and this thing with kids where I really would like scream 'NÓÓÓÓÓÓ Thats NOT it !! But hey, what is the use? Some people simply are stupid. (Later I found out it has nothing to do with IQ anyway, it is just about how open you are for 'other thoughts'. I have met numerous painters, directors, managers and a wood worker having the same hobby as we do here.) I researched psychology books, red articles, did quite some research about the inner secrets of myself, but I did not find an answer. Anyway, I believe that imprinting never can be the case *if* the diapers by themselves did not play a role in the past.

On the other hand I believe that younger people (14 to 25 or so) may experience the biggest trouble of finding their sexual self. (One trivial example is finding out for oneself if he/she is gay) In todays world this seach can lead a person in, eventually, the ABDL world. Then, maybe that person is in for it to try to live in it for a bit, gets frustrated 'it's not my thing', and passes on for the next found to other experiments & clubs. For most of us here, being longer on ADISC this stage has been solved over time and we know who we are. Of course everybody's development does not stand still: The search for 'new stuff' is a good example for that. The brain needs it to keep itself in a sort of 'awake state'. For myself I see these developments within the AB/DL world, so for me it is clear that I can be put 'in a drawer' so to speak: I am a DL, that's it, point, no discussion, close the drawer. :sweatdrop:

In history certainly some events can be pointed at as 'triggers' that started all off. These had to do with bed wetting, and other things. (You can find many many examples from people's stories in this forum) But imprinting… I have to say no. I can not blame anyone for my weird fetish, exept for my brains. Ok, in childhood there were 'stress times' and 'fights' between parents. I could have become extremely violent or criminal because of that, but that did not happen (fortunately). The reason is that it was not always bad times, there were good times, like Xmas, good friends to play with, birthdays, holidays, etc.

The way I solved it for myself and to be able to 'step over' my problem is to learn an extremely valid profession. Once learned and worked for 10 years I felt confident to go to find a partner. If this is the correct route? I have no clue, but I did it. The only issues were that I certainly had my ups and downs, and that I was later in life for this, but yes, the 'hobby' with diapers fulfilled my needs in the meanwhile. I was simply uncertain: Living with a partner is another ballgame. Will this succeed??

Today we are married. We live for over 15 years together now. Sometimes I try to push my DL side to the background to find out that it acts like a boomerang again and again. I am a DL and that's it. The only, really the only very important thing is to be open about yourself. The truth does not lie. This is exactly what I did at the first day we have met. My partner knows everything about me, all details, even the 'mean' ones from the past. He is accepting, but not participating. I am intelligent enough to do the math: The chance to find a partner & participating & good character & good match & exactly the same AB/DL interests as you? This formula has a limit going to '0'. When you erase the latter out of the formula: You have well enough chance, just as any non AB/DL person in the world! I wish you strength & finding the most loving partner you can imagine.

I am confused about what you think your father did or may have done. You say that you want to "deliver justice," which suggests you think your father did something morally wrong, but then you say his behavior was "not morally corrupt." It's unclear to me whether you have specific evidence that your father is responsible for your fetish (like a concrete memory or something you saw on one of the family films) or whether you are just speculating.

In any case, I'd encourage you to speak with a counselor or therapist before deciding to confront your father about whatever happened. A good counselor might help you to assess the evidence and the memories you have more clearly. A counselor could also help you think through what you might gain from speaking to your father about this, what you might lose, and what would be the best way to proceed. Think hard before disclosing your fetish to your father. Most people prefer not to discuss their sex life, including their kinks and fetishes, with their parents.

Having a diaper fetish (or any fetish) can make dating more complicated. It is necessary to find an open-minded partner, at least someone who is open-minded enough to accept that you will be indulging your fetish on your own sometimes. It is necessary to have a stiff backbone to tell a partner or a potential partner about a fetish. If you don't already have a strong spine, you will need to develop one.

Though a diaper fetish can complicate dating, most diaper lovers find they are able to enjoy sex with a partner. Sex with a partner (in any form) is very different from solo masturbation (with or without padding). It is very possible to desire both and to find a balance between the two. Balancing sex with a partner with masturbation is not just an issue for diaper lovers. It is something most couples need to work out, including vanilla couples.

Remember also that relationships aren't just about sex!

Toasters said:

Also, I have had some form of OCD for a while I think that the common conflation that the public makes between diaper fetishes with criminality makes me feel contaminated (which is the reason I prefer to refer to a diaper fetish as a garment fetish, since the latter make it clear that being attracted by garments should not be seen as morally wrong).

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I think you are exaggerating the public stigma against diaper lovers. Many people have never heard of diaper fetishists or diaper lovers. Of those who have, most understand that there is nothing criminal about a fetish for adult diapers.

Toasters said:

I will discuss this with a therapist at some point, even though I'm a bit sceptical of the risks of doing so.

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If you decide to speak to a therapist, it might help to see if you can find one near you in the Kink Aware Professionals Directory, maintained by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.

https://www.ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals-directory/kap-directory-homepage.html

Have realistic expectations about what therapy can do. It may give you insight into yourself. It may help you deal with feelings that you're finding difficult to deal with. It may help you with dating. It may help you with your relationship with your father. It may not do any of those things...you need to get a counselor who's a good fit for you, and you need to be open to help. But no matter how good a therapist you find, therapy is not going to get rid of your fetish.

Toasters said:

So are fetishists just as likely to have partners and non-fetishists (or even roughly as likely)?

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Yes.

Toasters said:

If that's the case then not having a partner is totally separate from the fetish, and it may just be a matter of living my life and seeing what happens.

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I think that is a healthy attitude.

MattyMax said:

Ive resented my parents forever over this too. It may or may not be their fault. Many years of trying to figure out the cause has led to nothing. I remember first urges at four years old and think of all the other things going on at that time. It could be anything, and i wish it wasnt a part of me either. But it is and its not going away. Maybe i will talk with my mom about it, but she would blame herself and nothing would be accomplished.
In my twenties i went through my longest diaperless period. In that time I substituted diapers for sex with one nighters from clubs or online. The excitement and danger worked as a sub. But, it was distructive behavior that led to getting sick a lot and messing with drugs. i went back to the diapers and pretty much embraced them. Sleep in them every night. Many years later, told my best friend and he was accepting. He told me of his kinks (probably just to help normalize mine). Then we started a relationship and he moved in about 7 years ago. Not saying everything is perfect, but there are many people who will accept your diaper desires expecially if they got a kink of their own.

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I have also blamed my parents who, paradoxically regard my fetish as "disgusting" (their words). I can point to abusive experiences and some non-abusive ones in my childhood that cemented this fetish (along with a spanking fetish). It's odd that the very people who are responsible for inculcating this fetish regard it with such derision! In my (and my parents' case) I think it may be because my parents are at least subconsciously aware of how their treatment of me growing up might have caused or at least encouraged this fetish and so, instead of accepting their responsibility in its formation, would rather project blame onto their offspring who, in cases such as mine, is already a target for their abuse!

I have thought and overthought on this exact specific subject.

And it nice to put things into labels and terms, it really doesn't matter in the end.

One night i went to bed and observed my cat who is quite macho and fights for his territory alot, have his regular snuggle on a micro fiber gown, and kneed and purr like a kitten.
This act is the closest thing to ABDL i will ever see in nature.
That specific fabric, and the cats inclination to micro fibre.
He lay there for an hour and left.
And hour later he was back fighting the neighborhood cats for dominance, and even though he was neutered, the cat is still one tough cookie.
I got my answer.
This fetish or paraphillia, as strange as it may seem to 99% of the population is as natural as normal to my animal and to cats in general.
Does this effect this cat in nature?
Absolutely not, so how do we feel about it?

This is the toughest part for us, as we want to follow what is considered normal in society, and to be different is just plain outcast.
Dont fight the natural ebb and flow of your being.
To do this is a lie to yourself.
We are as natural with liking diapers as any creature on earth and arguably more special, as we unconsciously delve back and enjoy the past while we live into the future.

This epiphany has stuck with me for years, hence the 'why' part doesn't matter anymore to me.

The answer to the question, is that it is both imprinting and fetishism as defined by human 'definitions' or 'labels', and its hardwired into us as an unconscious learned behavior that cannot be undone without losing a significant part of who you are.