Warning: For those who fear infinity, more specifically, the concept thereof (like me), you may not want to read this.
It's about 1:00 now, and I'm having my usual night-time thoughs, where my brain seems to speed up by ridiculous amounts, and makes me think waay to much. One thing I think about is, the theory of infinity. So, here goes.
People, are born. Where we come from, we do not know. Not our bodies, those are simple earthen compounds. Our minds. Where do our minds come from? Where do they go? After we die, our bodies decompose into what they came from. But, what of our minds? What becomes of those? Do we die, and then cease to be? That would mean our minds do not think, and therein, we do not know that we do not think, since we do not exist. Do we die, and then exist into eternity? Then, we think forever... I cannot bear to type anymore, I'm already freaking out... My mind is like "screaming" at me, my heart is racing, tears are running down my face, it's too scary for me to handle... I do not want to exist forever, yet I do not want to not exist forever... There seems no reason to... I cannot do anything but to ignore the fact, yet ignorance is not always bliss... I have these issues quite frequently, and it hurts me, both mentally and physically, the same every time, just as it did the first time... It makes me want to apologize for all the stupid, ridiculous things I've ever done, all the times I've ever let anybody down. It makes me want to make peace with my family, and makes me wish I could get along with them... Most of all, it hurts me that, I'll never be able to get along with my mother, I'll have to exist for eternity, knowing that I'm always going to have a mother, a mother that I cannot get along with, a mother that feels about me as she does... This is one of the roots of many of my mental conflicts, wanting to love my mother, but being unable to... And the fact that I will have to exist for eternity, unable to make peace with my mother, living what I now see to be the best years of my life in a pointless feud with her, simply because of some unknown reason she has for all this... Kinda makes me wonder if these are my best years, where my life is going.
I know that I need somebody, somebody to talk to, somebody to make infinity a thing to appreciate, someone to exist forever for, yet I feel destined for this to never be... I fear day after day that I will never find that person, the one that I need, to make existing for all eternity worthwhile, to essentially, to exist for...
And now here I am, a whole post typed up, going insane, no direction on where this topic was even going, or if there ever was, way off topic... I guess all I can end this with is, discuss.