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Thread: Is 18 and 19 too young to get married?

  1. #1

    Default Is 18 and 19 too young to get married?

    I know 90% of you will say yes... but honestly I'm sick of hearing it.. WHY is it too young and what about happy couples that are together for 40+ years and they got married at this age. They say it was harder than they thought but it was so worth not waiting. What I really want to ask is.... what do you do if you are engadged and have been for months but cannot afford to get married? I have been scrapping metal, taking back cans, and even applying for jobs but I get nothing. Everyone tells me to go get a GED... but I don't have the emotional energy to do that or much of anything other than what I'm doing. I feel so useless because my fiance has a job and is getting another job soon... I feel like my manhood has come into question far too often by others even though said manhood is just fine the way it is. Interpret that as you will, but it really (according to most) doesn't matter what you do or what you have, you just have to keep trying to get a GED and/or a job). pisses me off that I am not getting much done. I feel like all my talents are going to waste because of my lack of motivation to do anything. Someone said that isn't how life works and it takes dicipline... if only you knew I had a lot of dicipline just no emotional energy from being drained all the time. My fiance, this site, my friends, my family.... it all just drains me. I cannot take another ruthless comment or sly remark saying I basically am a lazy good for nothing man when it isn't true. I want to do things so badly that I cannot. My dream of being an artist, photographer, video game designer, breeder, and whatever else I have in my head.... is just slowly dying and I feel like I'm fading away in the desert of my mind. I can't find the water that I seek. As a Christian I know that God is the well and I should run to him but everyone just keeps sapping away at my energy and then If I blame them, I'm seen as a jerk or an asinine waste of time... so I always blame myself silently because I have nothing left to give anymore. All I have done is give, give, and give without taking because I want to help everyone else. Any and all advice is appreciated, I apologise for overreacting on my last post that was not right of me. Please... be gentle with your words for I have had enough harshness to last me 3 lifetimes and sadly I wish that were an exaggeration.

  2. #2


    I have known couples who get....

    You know what forget that response. Some will say you're not mature enough to make that choice. Or why rush things.

    But I will ask this. Why? Why do you want to get married now. What will it fix? How will a piece of paper make you fe better about the relationship? Only you can answer that. Some couples are engaged for years before tying the knot.

  3. #3


    To answer the title question: It's not really a matter for simple opinion so much as it is a matter for statistics. If you want to see how age, level of education, and other factors figure in marriage outcome, there are numerous studies. Here's one of them. Not surprisingly, the rate of divorce among young, high school non-graduates is considerably higher than other groups. And it's easy to reason about that, too--more financial stresses, the fact that your awareness of and ability to reason about the world are still developing rapidly, etc.

    Nobody is going to tell you that you haven't found "the one". On the other hand, the simple facts do clearly advise caution.

  4. #4


    18 and 19 year-olds are still adolescents, for all that the law deems them adults, and thus, they still have some growing up to do. They are still prey to the influence of their hormones, make questionable decisions, and hold questionable views. Their conception of the nature and purpose of marriage is one such example. Strip away the legal and religious obligations, and marriage is merely a ceremonial, symbolic demonstration of pre-existing love and commitment for the benefit of the community, not the couple who are at the centre of it (they ought to know for certain that they're committed to one another before they even contemplate marriage). In and of itself, it does not change one single thing about you, your relationship, or your life.

    When you woke up on the morning of your 18th birthday, nothing about you had changed at all - you just had some new legal rights and responsibilities. You didn't level up in intellect or maturity overnight. Similarly, when you wake up on the morning after your wedding, you will still be the same person that you were yesterday, just with a new set of legal (and religious) obligations. You will not love or be committed to your partner any more than you were yesterday, and your life will not suddenly be perfect.

    I apologise if that seems harsh, but I've seen far too many fairy-tale weddings end in acrimonious divorce because the people at the centre of them put more thought and effort into the wedding than the marriage that came after. So the question has to be, why do you want to get married? What is it about your life that you think it will fix? How is it that you think it will motivate you into changing your life? Because the way that you have written your post strongly implies that you believe that marriage will solve your problems.
    Last edited by Akastus; 18-Sep-2015 at 19:04.

  5. #5


    It's not too young. If you really think it's the right thing to do, you can get married at 18 to 19. People advise caution, (and I'm one of the ones who advise caution) because I remember what I was like at age 18 and consider how much my worldview has changed in the intervening years. It also doesn't really fix any other problems, won't improve your finances, and can make it hard to pursue education and career. But again, if you've thought it through, you've got the right person (who also feels the same about you), and you're ready to tackle those challenges, then it can be perfectly fine.

  6. #6


    The human brain keeps developing until about age 25, and the area that's still maturing in your early 20s, the prefrontal cortex, is key for things like impulse control, risk management, and decision making.

    Another way to put this - people become more more risk-adverse, measured, and thoughtful in the first decade of being an adult. The term "fully-baked" sometimes gets kicked around for adults who've reach that mid-20s milestone, and there's definitely a difference. I know I'm certainly more mature in how I approach situations at 25 than I was at 18.

    There are a lot of things that you're legally allowed to do starting at age 18 that may not be the best idea to actually do. Marriage is definitely one of those things. The first few years of adulthood involve rapid change in what your living situation looks like with college and/or an early career - there isn't much stability and a lot of ways things can unravel.

    If you can't really afford to get married yet, then that's as good a sign as any that the conditions aren't yet stable enough to wisely finalize a life-long commitment. Many people stay engaged for years before marriage, and for most committed couples, there isn't a compelling reason that marriage needs to happen immediately.

  7. #7


    No My mother was 17 when she married my father in 1964 he was 22 and they were still married when my father died in 2004 so I would say no

  8. #8


    Maybe the question should be "Why get married at 18 or 19?"

    What is it about marriage that will improve your present situation? (I don't need the answer to that.... you do!) You're of legal age and can certainly do it if you want to, but you should take a hard look at your circumstances and give yourself honest and realistic answers as to the specific things that would be different (and how they would be different...) if you were married: Finances, job prospects, living arrangements...

    Its not that 18 is too young, its that most 18 year olds who get married haven't thought it all the way through beforehand. There's a lot of surprises that come with living on your own and managing your own affairs if you haven't done it before. Its not that different from going away to college. An awful lot of freshman flunk out because there are way too many new things happening all at once for them to deal with.

    Having to negotiate those things with another person add another layer to the stress and complexity. Inevitably, she won't always see eye to eye with you on how to handle the day to day issues.

    If you have thought all these things through, then of course you have my blessing.
    Last edited by Maxx; 18-Sep-2015 at 20:27.

  9. #9


    Hey, I agree with the majority of the wisdom/sentiment here. Technically, no it's not too young. You're 18 and an adult for a bunch of legal purposes. However, there is still a lot of growth and learning with time and everyone is right... I've changed a bunch from 18, am now 30 (and happily married I might add). No one can tell you if you guys really love each other/are right for each other (only you 2 know that answer). Now... in regards to your original questions: "what do you do if you are engaged and have been for months but cannot afford to get married?". Answer: hold off on getting married. If you both know you've found the one, great! You won't lose each other waiting. The reality is waiting will give you time to make sure you're not rushing into anything/spend more time with the person to make sure they're the one/experience life more/and lastly save up. If you're able to pay any portion if not the majority of a wedding by yourself or with what you and your to be bride have saved (that's what makes you an adult). Sure, parents or family may want to help (and more power if they do), but you shouldn't expect someone to foot the bill. If you feel right about everything in your gut and your folks/friends/people you trust approve of the girl than sounds like it's right. But still, take it to God in prayer. He won't lead you wrong. Note: Sometimes things come to us in different times than we want/plan for. Any who, just my 2 cents.

  10. #10


    Everyone is different and while some people are ready at that age, some people aren't and you really have to judge it for yourself.

    But there are things to keep in mind. As someone who did get married at 18 to the person I thought was my soul mate we ende up divorced by 25 and it wasn't because it didn't work but because we were too young.

    Over the years we both grew and changed as people and eventually we found that the people we had become were no longer compatible in a relationship.
    When we first got together I wanted children and by the time I turned 23 I realized that this was NOT something I wanted at all.

    We developed new interests and hobbies that frankly became incomparable with each other and eventually we had to go our separate ways.

    For some people it does work out and I alway hope for the best but I like to remind young people thinking about marriage that the divorce rate these days is extremely high and at 18-19 you haven't yet figured out who you're going to be and a lot can change in one year let alone five or ten.

    Always follow your heart but always as yourself important questions before making that huge step because you want to get married for the right reasons and at the right time and taking time to wait is always good

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