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Thread: I have depression & anxiety.

  1. #1

    Default I have depression & anxiety.

    Though, I have never been diagnosed with depression, and it runs in my family, I have come to the conclusion that I do indeed suffer from depression, the thoughts and the constant sadness isn't normal, waking up without any energy is not normal, feeling suicidal on a daily basis isn't normal, I hate feeling this way.

    I feel like it won't ever get better, I'm thinking of seeing a doctor soon, I don't wish too because I'm ashamed to feel this way, I hate feeling this way, it's a terrible empty feeling.

    Why the hell are my emotions tearing me apart, physically and emotionally.

    Lately It has caused me physical pain, pulling muscles, chest pain, I feel terrible.

    I feel like I'm the root for everyone issues, I hate being around people, I don't like being hurt emotionally by people who call me there friends.

    Its sad how other people get everything handed to them, and get treated like geniuses, yet they steal my ideas, or steal ideas and code off the internet and clam it as there own.

    If i wasn't as smart as I was, I would be happy, its hard for a intelligent person to be happy, happiness seems to be a illusion :'(

    I feel like everyone hates me, I feel like I'm living in a hell, I cannot trust anyone. It makes me sad.

    Lately I've felt like the world is spinning around me, I have no energy, I feel crap.

    :'(

  2. #2

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    Hey, i know those kinds of feelings you are going through considering i had the exact same thing myself at the beginning of last year.

    The best thing to do is to go and see someone about it. I didn't want to either and was worried that people would judge me (and considering I'm about to be a doctor and know most of the doctors in my town through placements/supervision) it was something i was extremely stressed about and put off for as long as i could. But i got to a point where i just couldn't function correctly and needed some assistance. I woke up without energy (in fact, there were times i would avoid getting out of bed and going into uni because i just wasn't in the right frame of mind). i would put off a lot of my work for as long as possible then the stress would make me get through it but it would also make my depression worse as i was then hating myself for not doing the work earlier. Academically it wasn't that great for me. I somehow managed to be passing stuff but i certainly wasn't doing the work like i should be and i was also stressing about the fact that i felt like i was going to fail my exams. And then my personal life just wasn't great because of it either, my place was a mess and i was actually embarrassed to have anyone over because of how messy it was. Things like dishes not being done for a few days and washing piling up. It wasn't a fun place to be in at all. So i can definitely understand what you are feeling right now.

    The thing is, you will eventually get to a tipping point where things get too much for you, and that is when you will really not have much choice but to see someone about it or let depression cause damage to everything you are doing (including yourself) or worse, you have thoughts that you really feel the urge to act on and can't shake them no matter what you try to do. I got to that tipping point, starting to have some thoughts but feeling like i could mostly manage them and so i did see someone. In fact, things got arranged so that i could see a psychiatrist (doctor that deals with mental health issues) and psychologist (the person that talk about feelings and develops strategies to help you cope on day-to-day life).

    Seeing a doctor was one of the better things i did. I ended up on medication (not always the case for people, it depends on how long/how severe/etc) and i have now been on them for a year now and it has been helping. Im definitely not back to my normal self all the time but I'm definitely functional all the time now. I still have off days here and there but when they happen i can at least have some control over my emotions and thoughts rather then them controlling me. In terms of my recovery back it is still ongoing for me. Part of which is due to social circumstances and other aspects due to family issues. So it is potentially a while before i can get back to my completely normal self (and not have any medication). But at least I'm working my way there which is the main thing.

    For your circumstances it sounds like you have a couple of things going, 1) a family history of depression/anxiety and 2) issues with people passing your work off as their own and not recognising you in any way for your contributions. Both of those things are hard to deal with and there isn't an easy quick fix for it.

    I would suggest you go and see a doctor even though i know you don't want to. But think of it this way, you hate feeling empty inside and having no energy, seeing a doctor will help to resolve some of that. And they will be able to get things in place so that you can feel better about yourself. I know it is embarrassing to admit you are depressed like that to someone else, but by doing so you can work your way out of that hole and back to your normal self.

    Either way, depression isn't fun. It really does sap the energy and life out of you. Its horrible to think that your own brain has turned and is fighting against you. But i guess that is a bit of the reality and why fighting it can be exhausting and difficult. You can't run away from your own brain ... you are stuck with it 24/7 and so if it starts this sort of a thing then you are fighting against yourself the whole way to prevent it from getting worse.

    Ultimately, you need to weigh up feeling embarrassed admitting your depression to a health practitioner and what will happen from that against how things will continue to go if you do things on your own. As someone who has made the decision, for me the right choice was to finally go and see someone to talk about it and get help. Whilst it has solve the majority of my depression I'm not yet back to my normal self. Depression does take a while for things to return to how they were before.

    Hope that helps. Message me if you want to talk more about what its like to get professional help, or to just talk about anything you feel like

  3. #3

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by BluePanda View Post
    Though, I have never been diagnosed with depression [...] I'm thinking of seeing a doctor soon, I don't wish too because I'm ashamed to feel this way[...]

    :'(
    BluePanda,

    Would you feel ashamed, if your conditions were caused by Diabetes or, a heart-defect or, anything else?

    From:Healing From Depression
    Overcoming The Stigma of Depression
    (http://www.healingfromdepression.com/stigma.htm)
    Depression Help, Support and Counseling:


    One of the major challenges of coping with a depressive disorder is dealing with the guilt and shame that one often feels about being depressed.

    Despite the fact that such celebrities as Mike Wallace, William Styron, Patty Duke, Tipper Gore and Ted Turner have publicly shared their battles with depression or manic depression, the stigma of mental illness remains. After my first hospitalization, I remember the dilemma I faced in trying to explain my three-day absence to my employer. If I told the truth-that I was being treated for anxiety and depression-I stood a good chance of losing my job. Instead, I reported that I had been treated for insomnia at a sleep clinic.

    "Clinical depression is a medical condition, similar to diabetes or heart disease," my psychiatrist responded when I confessed how I had concealed my hospitalization. "We need to stop making depression a moral issue. Is the person with a disorder of the pancreas or the circulatory system weak-willed, lazy or defective? Of course not. And neither is the individual who suffers from depression." -Read the Complete Article Here.
    -Marka

  5. #5

    Default

    I'm suffering from similar problems with anxiety and not wanting to go to work or getting to work and saying I can't be @@@@ with it , I've gone through 4 jobs that way this year
    I've got a doctors appointment book for Friday also glad I live in uk so it wont cost me any money apart from pills if prescribed (hope not )
    Also glad I've got a good family around me

  6. #6

    Default

    First a big hug .
    I been there too.
    So it's a day by day like you I dont talk to any one .
    So your not alone .
    You have friends here and are glad to be of help .
    I'm not ashamed of my self there is nothing to be ashamed of we are not all the same .
    I used to take person's to there tharpy appointment's there are so many that go.
    For some there life was better just having some one lisson to your feeling help a lot.
    Some one that will not judge you in what you have to say .
    All the best.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by foxkits View Post
    First a big hug .
    I been there too.
    So it's a day by day like you I dont talk to any one .
    So your not alone .
    You have friends here and are glad to be of help .
    I'm not ashamed of my self there is nothing to be ashamed of we are not all the same .
    I used to take person's to there tharpy appointment's there are so many that go.
    For some there life was better just having some one lisson to your feeling help a lot.
    Some one that will not judge you in what you have to say .
    All the best.
    Thanx I made the mistake of going back to a job I walked out on in the start of the summer plus I've had it off and on for the last 11 years since my dad died of prostrate cancer

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by parcelboy2 View Post
    Thanx I made the mistake of going back to a job I walked out on in the start of the summer plus I've had it off and on for the last 11 years since my dad died of prostrate cancer
    I'm sorry it's the same stuff and reason you left the first time they have not changed been there.
    Can you find a better place that will treat you better.
    Plus you know some of the things persons enjoy now were made by one person google youtube stuff even twitter . Mabey you can do some thing like that in your spare time you still have to live but use that job to boost your own project .
    Think of your own creation you could make wow your smart you know .

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