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Thread: I really need some advice from the fellow ab/dl community.

  1. #1

    Unhappy I really need some advice from the fellow ab/dl community.

    So I live with my boyfriend and daughter. We are both fairly young parents, in our early 20's trying to figure out life. He knows about my secret about being a DL and he is not into it, but he plays with me and lets me wear them. We have been fighting often recently and every time that I bring up leaving him, he says that he is just going to bring up the fact that I like to wear diapers so he can get full custody of our child. I understand that probably that alone would not be grounds to prove me an unfit parent, but I know that being a DL is looked at badly and can give off the wrong ideas. A lot of people associate it with being a pedophile, or having something mentally wrong with you. Neither of these things are true at all in my case, but I am just wondering that if the situation ever occurred and it was brought up somewhere that I enjoy wearing diapers, would that effect my custody of my daughter? He has pictures of me wearing and text messages playing around that involve diapers. I don't know what to do or if I should be worried about leaving him and losing my daughter.

  2. #2

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    Well, I'm no legal professional, but isn't that... blackmail? I guess my first question would be: Are you serious about leaving him? If the answer is "yes", and if you believe he is also serious about building some sort of custody case on your being a DL, then seek legal advice. Simple as that.

  3. #3

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    It most defiantly is blackmail. I don't have the money right now for a lawyer or the will power to deal with the emotional struggle that he is going to put me through when I do actually get the courage to leave him...It was so hard for me to come out to him as a DL, it took me 3 years of living with him and lying about it and telling him that I have a wetting problem when I actually just wanted to wear. He is the only one in my life that knows about my secret, and believe me, being in this situation really hurts me. I thought I could trust him, even with my deepest secret. Boy was I wrong...

  4. #4

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    I've read enough help advice columns, Dear Abby, Caroline Hax, etc. and they would say that you should talk to a lawyer. If you can't afford one, bide your time and save up the money. If you aren't working, get a job so that you can become independent. You'll need a job if you separate. Their might be some sort of inexpensive legal aid agency where you live. Try Googling it, putting in your town/city or zip code. Something may come up.

    My gut feeling is that the child would go to the parent who can provide the most stable home situation, both in income, but also parenting. I'm not sure that a judge would be able to understand infantalism which is why you need real, legal council.

  5. #5

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    Regardless of your financial situation, male an appointment with an attorney. Sometimes they do free (pro bono) work. Also here where I live, there is a place with college and recent law school grads who, under the advice of attorneys, will take your case for little or no fee.

  6. #6

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    Is he the biological father? I can't see how he would ever get custody if you aren't married to him.

    As other's have said, you probably should consult a lawyer if you are able.

    That is really sad that he would use something like that against you. I wouldn't say that he is at all worth hanging onto if he is going to be manipulative like that.

    Something else that might be helpful is to visit a psychologist, namely so you can have a medically licensed doctor who can stand as a witness that you are perfectly capable of maintaining your child and that this is not related to pedophilia.

    In the end, if you can't do either of those, I think that you might be able to appeal to the jury just by saying that 1 in 3 women experience incontinence. Your boyfriend may have proof that you like to wear diapers, but he doesn't have proof why. If you are able to convince the court that you like diapers because they provide you with safety, and what is wrong with enjoying something that makes you feel safe, then you might not even have to make a fib about being incontinent. Lying in court isn't a good thing to do, but it is a battle for the hearts of the people. If you are able to convince them that you might have had experiences of incontinence without actually saying so, then it might just fall in line for them to see that:

    "of course I like wearing diapers, they make me feel safe," followed with, "advertisements such as the underawareness campaign from depends is telling society that people should not be ashamed of wearing diapers, so why should I be ashamed? Is it only right to wear diapers if I am disgusted by them? Or am I allowed to enjoy them? Do any of you enjoy your own underwear? Your lingerie? Your superhero boxer shorts? It is despicable that my intimate relationship with my boyfriend and my choice of underwear is being put against me to determine my ability to be a mother. Should we take away children from parents who are into BDSM? Should we take away children from parents who are Gay? Should we take away children from parents who wear a g-strap thong? It is shameful that my boyfriend should ever have exposed my underwear and intimate behaviors in public, and if anything, has displayed by his lack of respect towards his partner, that he is probably no more capable of showing respect towards his own child."

    That is how I would play it. Just turn it on him and make it seem absurd that he ever brought it up in public.

  7. #7

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    This is kinda like like getting medical advice from random idiots on the internet. If this ever ends up in front of a judge, there are lots of factors to be considered most of which we don't know about. All I can say is the child is the only innocent party in all of this. Try to do what's best for the child.

    Even if it means giving up your own diapers for a while.

  8. #8

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    Also, I would threaten to charge him for defamation of character if he goes and starts claiming that you are a pedophile. That IS defamation of character. If you can find that he has talked to anybody about your diaper wearing, ask them what he told them, and if your state allows un-announced audio recording, record the conversation. In fact, you should probably start recording a lot of your conversations with him, if you are allowed to by state law. Cell phones are great tools.

    I hope my suggestions haven't been too outlandish.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    Also, I would threaten to charge him for defamation of character if he goes and starts claiming that you are a pedophile.
    ...You can't CHARGE someone with defamation of character, it isn't a violation of CRIMINAL law, it's a violation of CIVIL law, you can only SUE them in CIVIL COURT. You'll need a lawyer and a lot of stuff and you won't be getting anything but cash, assuming one has the cash upfront to float such legal proceedings to start with.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by AshleyAshes View Post
    ...You can't CHARGE someone with defamation of character, it isn't a violation of CRIMINAL law, it's a violation of CIVIL law, you can only SUE them in CIVIL COURT. You'll need a lawyer and a lot of stuff and you won't be getting anything but cash, assuming one has the cash upfront to float such legal proceedings to start with.
    Ah, Well, maybe the boyfriend doesn't know that.

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