Rather it was domestic abuse or child abuse or whatever abuse you have encountered why does it take so long to get over it?
Now I know why I have resented my ex and why I had all these triggers and anger, he was abusive and emotional and I just found out he was a narcissistic. It means I am not crazy or too sensitive or a loser or holding a grudge. Even a short relationship with an abuser can cause you harm and damage, it doesn't take long at all
I have been dealing with it by going to narcissistic forums and blogs and reading stories about it by victims and gosh I can relate which is why I strongly believe he was one and it is a spectrum so every narc is different and not all of them are attention seekers or have high self esteem or think highly of themselves. There are actually misconceptions about narcissism like they don't have low self esteem or that they all love themselves or that they don't really care what others think of them. I had no idea stereotypes existed about it which is why I never even guess my ex was one. The type he had is called covert narcissism and it's not really recognized by doctors. Narcs with that type tend to be shy and awkward, shy in social situations or socially awkward, they are loyal and nice and act nice to others you wouldn't even guess they are one. They are also very sensitive and emotional, it's easy to hurt their feelings so they cry. This was all him and they are considered low functioning on the narcissism spectrum and the worst kind. They are considered vulnerable and they tend to have anxiety or depression and vulnerable to stress, also him. Also they may not have relationship or never had one before and. He has only had one when we met so I was his second.
I do remember a post here by a member about having autism and being over sensitive so he also cried a lot so I talked about my ex about why it's bad to be too sensitive and why it's toxic and he told me he thinks my ex used his emotions as an excuse to get his way. That was part of the eye opener for I didn't even know what being too sensitive meant and very emotional. I only knew about it from my ex and his was inaccurate because he was a manipulator. But it still wasn't enough for me then to start doing some research until I came across a blog called Lucky Otter's Heaven and she often blogs about narcissism and cluster B personality disorders and sometimes Asperger's so I started to read about it and then I looked it up and then I learned the term covert narcissism from the blogger and I looked that term up too and that is when it all clicked. I had made the discover about my ex. He was more than an asshole, more than a jerk and more than just having issues that needed to be sorted through therapy. And my mom said she thinks he was beyond help and she could be right because I have read that it's very tough to treat personality disorders and narcissism and most narcs don't change or recover because they don't see anything wrong or don't have the self awareness so I wonder if my mom already knew about him, she also told me he was just crazy. She just never labeled him as a narcissist. I once saw on another board by one of my former online friends that she felt sorry for me because I don't even know I get abused. She was right. I didn't know. Now I have made the discovery and it's been the hard truth but also a relief because it meant it wasn't my fault and it included good news with it too.
I have started to think about going into counseling again because of this. At least it will be someone I can talk to and not worry about bothering them with my obsessive thinking when it's something I ever talk about only. They are paid for those things. Lot of people would not want to deal with this but them.
But why is this so difficult to get over?