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Thread: Depression and One Mommy

  1. #1

    Default Depression and One Mommy

    Ok so about at the start of last year, I started developing intense feelings of wanting a woman (who used to be an occasional baby sitter, was a family friend and was about 8/9 years older than me) that I had been rejected by (which had plunged me into depression and instances of self harm) and loved/was obsessed with to be my Mommy.

    I initially sought counseling (for the 2nd time, I had previously counseling sessions related to the same issue) specifically to try and work these feelings out. Though I did try hard, I still didn't find anything to do with my relationship with my mother that was amiss. I did discover however that in actual fact I feel remarkably distant from my family. My dad is an alcoholic, my brother is just so different to me and also treats women badly and I don't feel any real strong guilt about not seeing my mum often even though I know she wants to. I don't feel anything strong to them to be honest. A couple of years ago my brother got run over and very nearly escaped death/being a vegetable for the rest of his life. I didn't feel a thing the whole time with perhaps one exception where I visited him at the hospital (I only did this twice I think) and he was very obviously under the effects of his brain damage.

    Through some studies I've recently found it appears having ab/dl desires whilst having no history of abuse/neglect is actually the norm amongst us but my personal case seems to differ in two major ways to the majority.

    1. I have only started to have these desires at the age of 20 whereas most tend to report something like just never 'growing out' of diapers and such when about 9/10.

    2. My desires have stemmed from my love/obsession with one person in particular.

    With regards to no.2, I am still trying to figure out whether my ab/dl desires are exclusive to this one person or whether I would truly like to live out my fantasies with other people that aren't her.

    There is a lot more to tell which I am happy to divulge but I just thought I'd be concise as I can for my first post, seeing as this has been my life story for about 3 years.

    Am I real ab/dl or has my mind just essentially made up a new quality to project onto this woman as a means of resisting getting over her.

  2. #2


    Wow that was a deep first post. First of all, welcome! We are a support group and we help each other the best we can.

    First #1 - Many members here do grow out of diapers and come back to them years later. I did. I had no desire until one day I tried on a child pull up and it felt good. Wearing diapers is a way to regress, a way to cope with stress or sometimes a sexual feeling. Here is one of many links: Infantilism.

    #2 - I don't think wearing has anything to do with being attracted to one person. I think this one is more like a stress reliever for you, imo.

    You have seen and are seeing a professional for you feelings and how to cope with your family. That is a positive step Do not be ashamed to wear diapers - there's no harm to that. Just relax and enjoy them. Keep us posted. We really do care here.

  3. #3


    Except I don't wear diapers. I really don't have any interest in wearing diapers. My main interest is in role play and age play in general, sexual and non sexual. What I mainly think of and fantasise about is having a mommy who loves me and cares for me and who can tell me what to do, structure my life, give me a routine etc, with me being very submissive and sort of worshipping her in a way. But not in a bdsm type sense with bondage and violence and stuff. My mommy would not be calling me a bad boy or humiliating me in anyway.

    - - - Updated - - -

    It's pretty much exclusively an emotional, mental and sexual thing as opposed to any particular fetish objects. With perhaps an exception of a slight curiosity I have with regards to being feminised and by extension wearing female clothing. I wouldn't say I am trans in any way at all but I have this one womens top I bought which is really big and open flowy and has a really deep V which makes me feel little

  4. #4


    Sorry I misunderstood. I still think you have an ab wish. You're looking for a mommy to cuddle with. Not all mommy's are disciplinarians nor are all ABs wishing to be controlled. You sound like a little, being one out of diapers yet longing for the nurturing of a mother.

  5. #5


    Hello and welcome to the site. From what you have revealed, I think it's good that you have a therapist. I would be concerned that you have little or no feelings regarding your family members. If you have been abused by them, then your lack of concern is understandable. I also don't think it's healthy that you are fixated on this one person, but I know it happens. I used to be like that when I was your age, but I too had a psychiatrist and I was in the range of Borderline Personality disorder.

    I think this is something you need to discuss with your therapist and perhaps you already have. I know that the obsessions I had when I was young made me miserable to the point of suicide, and you certainly don't want to become that depressed. I'm glad you found this site and know that we are hear to listen and support you. I wish you well.

  6. #6


    Test post as I don't see the OPs last post. Wondering if the thread broke?

    It still works.
    Last edited by Scaramouche; 05-Sep-2015 at 05:31. Reason: Update of test results

  7. #7

  8. #8


    Quote Originally Posted by warpaintedfawn View Post
    This is a test post
    I see it. Your last post from a few days ago, if you made one, doesn't show up.

  9. #9


    Yeah I really don't know what happened. I was trying to reply and just nothing was showing up. Emailed and pm'd moo to no avail. Left it and then today I got an email saying I got the contributer thing and everything is working again. So time to get on with this reply.

    I stopped voluntarily attending counseling sessions some months ago now. I am generally doing much better and am for the most part pretty close to being over my fixation on this woman (whom I will refer to as 'N' for future reference). The only thing that lingers is the feelings about wanting to her to be mommy.

    Although one acceptance I have come to (and largely the reason why I feel better nowadays) is that I don't really care about knowing specifically why I have this want for a nurturing mother with loads and loads of affection, I am still puzzled about if my little side is exclusive to this one woman or whether it will continue to exist after I am totally over her, and what that means.

    There are a select group of women, all of whom are un attainable for different reasons, who seem to fit the archetype of my mommy figure in my head. I don't know what the 'x factor' is when it comes to these women apart from N who actually was a family friend and babysat me once or twice. I didn't see her often at all but I would always love it when I did. I felt like she understood me, and saw how different I was from my brother, and took me completely seriously. I also just felt like she was the coolest person ever.

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