Hello everyone, I am interested in learning more about AB/DL so if anyone has advice or links to helpful information I would really appreciate it. And bear with me because I've never heard of this before and am still trying to understand it.
I got married a few months ago to a wonderful man, "E". We are very happy together, we have disagreements like any normal couple, but nothing major. Anyway, the other day I was cleaning out our closet, when I discovered a large stash of diapers..all different kinds. Some were plain white, others had little cutesy animals on them which really freaked me out. And they were large, made for an adult and not a child. I have never seen my husband wear them before so I knew they weren't for a medical reason. I really started to worry it meant he was a pedophile or something. I started looking around on google and that is how I discovered it's a fetish called diaper lover. Every website I found was adamant it had nothing to do with children, except for one Yahoo answer post which said her DL husband said the same thing, but then she caught him looking and pictures and videos of diapered babies online so now I'm unsure...
For a few days I had trouble looking at him, he knew something was wrong but I told him I was just stressed out from work and not to worry about me. Finally one night I got the courage to ask him about it. He was mortified. He even started crying, he was so embarrassed. I told him how much I loved him and that I just wanted to understand this side of him that he never told me about.
He didn't tell me much, I think because he is still so ashamed. He said he hates himself for this fetish, and he's tried to get rid of it but can't. He said he isn't interested in the AB lifestyle but just likes the diapers. He didn't go into detail about what exactly likes about them. My assumption is that maybe he goes to the bathroom in them? Masturbates in them? I really don't know. I don't know how he's hid it from me this long (we dated for 2 years before he proposed, but we didn't move in together until after we were married). I'm very hurt that he kept this secret from me, but I think I understand why because he is so embarrassed about it and wasn't sure how I would take it.
I love him and accept that this is a part of him. But I don't feel comfortable participating. At the same time, I know he can't control this because of the nature of fetishes, and i don't want him to feel like he has to be ashamed or hide who he is. I am very conflicted. We have a wonderful sex life already, experimenting with some bondage (another fetish of his, not mine, but I do enjoy it) and I think this would be a turn-off for me. I don't want to see him as a child. I want him to be a man that takes care of me (and he does, I'm just worried this will change my perception). And I fear when we have a baby someday, that he will become aroused when changing its diaper.
I think a large part of my anxiety is because he won't really talk to me about it, and I don't understand it, but I want to. Can somebody please help set me straight? I love E so much and I don't want this to come between us.