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Thread: I want to stop

  1. #1

    Default I want to stop

    I'm really not liking this, but I can't quit. I don't feel sexually liberated. I want to quit. deep down I want to quit. Why do I do this thing... everytime its the same circle, hopeful change, anxiety for a few days, morph to cravings, purge wonder wtf happened. I can't take this anymore this isn't me. It isn't who I want to be there has to be some way. It's my actions I should be able to do things I like and not do things I don't. so why does this keep happening to me...

    If I could just sate these feelings some other way. without diaper sex or baby stuff.

  2. #2

    Default

    I'm gonna be very philosophical and buddhist about this , it's your intense desire to stop it as well as your intense desire to indulge in it that is making you feel this way.

    I as well as most here understand that feeling. There has been many times in the past that I wondered why I kept doing it if it didn't seem to serve any purpose and instead is making me have to hide it from others. I believe that right there is the reason because society, including us, perceive it as something that is bad and embarassing and we should all feel ashamed of ourselves.

    Now, it maybe not be immediate or easy but if you focus on the fact that being abdl, interested in diapers and being a baby or whatever it's really not that big of a deal. If you can come to this realization that it's just an aspect of who you are, in the same way that maybe you like eating potato chips or have a bubble bath once in a while. We perceive it to be different from those kind of things but it really isn't, if you realize it you'll see that there is nothing to be liberated from really.

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by HugMuffees View Post
    I'm really not liking this, but I can't quit. I don't feel sexually liberated. I want to quit. deep down I want to quit. Why do I do this thing... everytime its the same circle, hopeful change, anxiety for a few days, morph to cravings, purge wonder wtf happened. I can't take this anymore this isn't me. It isn't who I want to be there has to be some way. It's my actions I should be able to do things I like and not do things I don't. so why does this keep happening to me...

    If I could just sate these feelings some other way. without diaper sex or baby stuff.
    Hello HugMuffees.

    This is all part of the Paraphilia Infantilism and through help in understanding the condition you gain control.

    What you are going through is the Binge and Purge Cycle.

    There is several good sites to get the basic understanding. I would suggest that you google "Bitter Gray and Paraphilia Infantilism".
    He has some real good articles describing the why and where it comes from.

    Then here you get the support to deal with it.

    Once you gain an understanding then you get the ability to control it and set the boundaries to have a relative normal life.

    For me personally IT took about six months here to gain a complete understanding and along with talking to my therapist we turned it around and made it into a coping mechanism.
    I do not remember who said it, but I have turned the emotional wreck of binge and purge into a ebb and flow cycle. The cycle is a lot longer now and the NEED to wear a diaper is very rear now. When the need arises it last for only a day or two and then goes away for months on end.

    You are not alone and we are here to help support this aspect of your life and give you the skills to control it and not the other way around.

    Egor

  4. #4

    Default

    When I have the desire to stop, I stop, if I start to think and get made about it I do something healthy to preoccupy myself, that usually includeds going to the gym or a heavy dose of yard work or a nice building project.? I keep doing this as a self reward and it makes me feel better about everything.

  5. #5

    Default

    I would submit that you have it backwards: deep down you want to do this. It's your conscious, everyday persona that has the problem. You can stop doing it easily enough, but not thinking about it is very hard. I struggled with it for years, until I realized how silly the self-denial was. It's a weird urge and it's not the sort of thing anyone would expect from me (or from most of us, I'll wager). Learning to accept and enjoy these disparate parts of ourselves, is funnily enough part of growing up.

    You can always try to stop. See what embracing it is like. I don't mean just put on a diaper and fap (not that there's anything wrong with that). Make some friends in the community. Do something that you've always wanted to do and be okay with how ridiculous it is. This is your weird kink. You get to express it in your unique fashion and that's pretty neat compared to just pretending you're the same as everyone else appears.*

    *I say appears because it's all a big put-on. We all have our secrets and strangeness.

  6. #6

    Default

    My goal is to be at the point where I can wear if I want to and not wear when i don't want to, and accept myself without embarrassment or self deprecation.

    I think I've accepted that this is never going to go away. So I need to find a way to make it healthy instead of unhealthy, if that makes sense. I hope that is a place you can get to as well, because I've figured out the hard way that beating myself up over it was doing me much more harm than accepting myself would.

  7. #7

    Default

    The only thing that I have to add to what has been said already by most of the posts here, is this:

    Again, most likely you are going through the binge/purge cycles that many of us have gone through, and there is likely a deep part of you that actually really wants this life style.

    So where is the part of you coming from that is telling you, that you don't want this lifestyle? Since wearing diapers isn't unhealthy on your body, it isn't immoral (or provably depending on if your religious leader is a nut who thinks wearing diapers is evil [example: my old one]), and it doesn't harm anybody, then why do you think that you have such a distaste for diapers, while also really wanting them? If you are anything like me, then the hate is sourced from socialization. Really ask yourself why you hate diapers, and think about if it could be because you have been socially conditioned to dislike them, even though personally, you still like them anyway.

    For instance:

    1. The fact is, most of everybody gets told, "Diapers are for babies," when they grow up, as an effort to encourage potty training. There is also a lot of other tactics that are intended to encourage potty training, that basically create a negative association with diapers. Sometimes, children are encouraged to potty train earlier than they are even ready, in order to save money by not having to buy diapers. Things like that can cause a bit of trauma in a child to develop inadequacy, or on the other end, a deep need to appear super adult.

    2. Also, diapers could be discouraged in your mind socially because of religious expectations. Growing up in an environment where alternative lifestyles are frowned on, such as bondage, or homosexuality, or fetishes of many kinds. It is easy for a religious group to look at these types of things and deem them all as bad, even though they don't harm anybody, and can be contained within a honorable relationship.

    3. Then there is the aspect of social fear, fear of being discovered, or fear of never finding somebody who accepts you for who you are. So far, I did go through a lot of trouble with my parents for coming out as an Adult baby, but since that has cooled down, however, the rest of my family was pretty accepting, especially one of my sisters and her husband. As well, all of my friends have been very accepting of it. Most of the current 'young' generation has grown up to be fairly accepting of others, and it isn't really that big of a deal to find out. Finding a life partner is difficult, but would it really be worth living with somebody for your whole life who you weren't capable of sharing your deepest secrets with? You might find that you are happy with somebody who accepts you, but doesn't really want to participate, or you might find that you want to be with somebody who is a part of your little side. Either way, it is totally possible to find somebody when you look for people who are open minded.

    4. The fear that people might interpret your liking of diapers as a form of pedophilia. This is just straight up ignorance, and isn't true. Anybody who can't get past that notion and realize it is false, is somebody that you probably wouldn't want to associate with much anyway.

    So:

    I would assume that one of these 4 reasons, or some, or all of them, are why you are feeling anxious about wearing diapers, and even finding sexual gratification out of them. The reason why I suspect that you hate them for social reasons, is because it just doesn't make sense why you would both personally love diapers, and personally hate them. Also, it isn't sensible to think that you socially love diapers, so that wouldn't explain it.

    So do you want to live a "normal" life? Or do you want to live a Genuine life. The thing about being normal, is that it isn't a real thing. There is no such thing as normal, normal is fluid, it changes whenever culture changes.

    The best thing you can do for yourself, is to start finding a balance, make sure you aren't throwing away stuff, that just makes your life more frustrating. Tell yourself, "I get to wear diapers on such and such days at such and such times," and be consistent. By giving yourself a schedule when you can let the little out, you can have less anxiety.

    Also, if it is available to you for cheap, consider going to a liberal minded therapist if you start getting depressed over this 'battle.' A therapist would easily point out that, yeah this is an unusual lifestyle, but no, there isn't really a reason to be ashamed of it or afraid.

    Life is so much better when you can just let yourself be yourself.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by HugMuffees View Post
    I'm really not liking this, but I can't quit. I don't feel sexually liberated. I want to quit. deep down I want to quit. Why do I do this thing... everytime its the same circle, hopeful change, anxiety for a few days, morph to cravings, purge wonder wtf happened. I can't take this anymore this isn't me. It isn't who I want to be there has to be some way. It's my actions I should be able to do things I like and not do things I don't. so why does this keep happening to me...

    If I could just sate these feelings some other way. without diaper sex or baby stuff.
    Yes.
    You are experiencing a "Binge & Purge" cycle.
    I have had a number of them over the years.
    Finally, I accepted this part of myself.
    It takes time.

  9. #9

    Lightbulb

    One thing you could consider, if you are really having trouble accepting yourself, is going to a therapist. A therapist can help you stop being ashamed, which can then reduce the intensity of the Binge part of the cycle (as well as the purge part). Any shame you feel can make it worse, and harder for you to stop when you want to.

  10. #10

    Default

    All, or almost all ABDLs will at one time or another reach the point where they feel stuck between a rock and a hard place - namely between desperately wanting to be rid of these tendencies, and not being able to suppress their ABDL behaviours and desires without it causing sadness or resentment.

    Nonetheless, whilst it's pretty normal to wish these desires would disappear forever, it's not healthy to try and battle with anxiety and self-identity problems alone, so I'd echo those who recommend seeing a therapist. It's not a miracle cure, but the therapy of discussing, understanding and hopefully accepting this side of you can be extremely helpful. It might not be what you want to hear, but for most of us, these desires are there for life. What isn't there for life, though, is the sense of unhappiness or unease relating to ABDL urges.

    Instead of trying to change your desires, it might be beneficial in the meantime to change your routine, to help you lessen the feeling of being trapped in a cycle. Try out a new hobby. Meet up with friends. Take a few day trips to somewhere that seems fun and interesting to you. Don't deny your ABDL urges when they arise, but try to give your life other focuses and experiences whilst you're going through what feels like something of an identity crisis.

    Oh yeah, and a big from me.

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