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Thread: Hatred of affection

  1. #1

    Default Hatred of affection

    For most of us, one of the biggest parts of being an AB is desiring that sort of tender, loving, parental affection that we experienced as babies and young children. That's a generalization, but I'd say it's pretty accurate. Well, I've been thinking all day, that's really funny considering what I was like as a child.

    Around the time I turned 5, I hated, and I mean HATED physical affection (I have no idea what happened, it seemed to just happen over night). Yes, even from my parents. I feel awful saying this, but for most of my childhood, I'd refuse to hug or kiss either one of them. I'd do it if they made me, but they'd really have to make me to do it and I'd be reluctant and very uncomfortable every time. It took a long time to get over it to the point that I can do it without blushing or putting up a fight, but even to this day I'm not very comfortable hugging or showing any affection to my parents, or anyone for that matter. The strange part is I really, really crave affection (both from an AB perspective and a non-AB perspective) but at the same time it makes me uncomfortable.

    Does anyone else have this issue? Isn't this kind of ironic considering the nature of ab desires? I'd love to hear any insight on the topic.

  2. #2

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    I know the feeling. For all of my life I have always hated physical affection, but for some reason I always imagine being cuddled, or hugged. I think for me it's like when you hear about how great something is but when you try it, it isn't as great as you thought it was.

  3. #3

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    I've always been very particular as to who I'm affectionate with. I am with my wife, and there have been others in my life, but they've been very special to me. I'm also somewhat OCD, so the idea of being that close to someone else makes me uncomfortable. If I go out into stores, when I come home, I always wash my hands.

    I enjoy being babied by my wife, but most of it is verbal. Sometimes we'll hug and she'll pat my diapered butt and I like that.

  4. #4

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    Yes, I'm not very comfortable hugging or showing any affection towards others. Never was and probably never will be.

    Receiving affection (of the hugging and kissing type) also bothers me and again, that started when I was much younger.

    I'm pretty shy and thus, showing affection like this is very uncomfortable for me.

  5. #5

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    I hate physical contact. I was the same way in that it took a long time to be able to even hug my parents without pulling away or 'looking for an exit'. To this day, the best I can do is be indifferent and even then I still tense up.

  6. #6

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    Odd man out here. I love physical contact, esp with my wife (of course). Hugs with my lady friends are wonderful and bro hugs are cool as well.

  7. #7

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    I was the same, but I was like that from a very small baby! When my mother hugged me I went like.. no and pushed her away as persistently and hard as a baby could and whined until I was let go. I just wanted to crawl on the floor! I was a very active little one x)! There was also no way I was going to sit in someones lap when I was small enough to do so. My parents came to accept it, and my little sibling was SUPER affectionate so they could concentrate on her.

    Only now that I'm nearing 30 years old I've become more affectionate.

  8. #8

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    I wouldn't say I HATE physical contact, but I'm certanly not the huggy, kissy, pda sort. When I do it, its for a reason. With the wife... well its to get to that magical place. In my younger days, judo, wrestling, etc., it was to put the other guy down as quickly and efficiently as possible. I've never sought physical contact for its own sake.

    I'm very much the same way with talking on the telephone. As far as I'm concerned its a means to convey and/or receive information at a distance, not a pleasurable pastime. If you looked at my usage, you'd find next to nothing over a minute or two.

    My family was much the same way. My dad tried to get chatty and touchy after they moved to Florida, but I think that's because he somehow thought he was supposed to, not because he wanted to.

  9. #9

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    Oh yeah, one thing I forgot to mention. As I've gotten older, I've noticed I have no problem at all being affectionate towards my younger nieces and nephews. It seems like small children (and dogs and cats as well) are the only people/creatures I'm comfortable being affectionate with. Lol it sounds weird when I say it but it's true. Only reason I can think is that there aren't any real "complex" emotions involved if that makes any sense. No real pressure and it feels more playful and less awkward. still find it strange considering how much I hated affection when I was that age. But then if someone older than me tries to touch me in an endearing way, I feel almost violated. Odd.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by theQman View Post
    Oh yeah, one thing I forgot to mention. As I've gotten older, I've noticed I have no problem at all being affectionate towards my younger nieces and nephews. It seems like small children (and dogs and cats as well) are the only people/creatures I'm comfortable being affectionate with. Lol it sounds weird when I say it but it's true. Only reason I can think is that there aren't any real "complex" emotions involved if that makes any sense. No real pressure and it feels more playful and less awkward. But then if someone older than me tries to touch me in an endearing way, I feel almost violated. Odd.
    That is odd. I'm the same way with the granddaughter (approaching 2) and her dog. I think most of it is, they're all over you regardless. You're not offered a choice.

    Its also an expected cultural role. In my grandfather role, playing physically with the kids is expected. Its more awkward NOT to.

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