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Thread: Sadness and Confusion

  1. #1

    Default Sadness and Confusion

    I just got out of jail.... my dad bailed me out. All I did was flick my mom on the shoulder but when asked, "Did he hit you?" she said, "Yes." and I wasn't there to defend myself... the cop pressed charges so my mom couldn't do anything. I spent 3 days and a night in Jail all because of a flick. I cannot read analog clocks so I never knew what time it was. I'm having a hard time coping with all this... I don't even know what time it is right now. I look at the numbers for time and they mean nothing to me. Sigh... if ever there was a time to be padded, it'd be now.

  2. #2

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    You're story where you paint yourself as the victim seems to avoid key parts of information. Such as how the police became involved in you assaulting your mother in the first place. I imagine that your mother was forced to call the police as a result of your actions but you're trying to gloss over that part so you can feel sorry for yourself instead.

  3. #3

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    Consider it a lesson learned...Domestic battery is a hot button these days, and rightly so.

    Maybe it was just a flick this time, but once people living under the same roof have crossed that invisible line, its a potentially explosive situation. A couple days in the clink to cool off could have prevented something far worse.

    My daughter started going that way with her mother (20+ years ago). Eventually I had to toss her out, fearing that we'd get our throats cut in our sleep some dark night.

  4. #4

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    Guess the only thing I can offer is to accept that it happened, and try to learn from the experience and dwell on the stuff you can change rather than the stuff you can't. Not beating yourself up over past mistakes is way easier said than done, but at some point you have to come to the realization that you can't change the past, but you can only learn from it, try to repair the damage you've caused, and try not to repeat those bad decisions.

    As to the mistake, I've gotta agree with AshleyAshes... there's obviously a huge scene missing here, and I'm guessing the flick isn't the important part in it. If this is actually how you are internally viewing what happened, you might want to go back over the events more objectively, maybe after you've given yourself some time to cool down.

  5. #5

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    What was the flick for?

    The fact that you Dad bailed you out shows that he does care for you. Getting along with parents when you grow up is difficult, however it is their home (that I'm assuming you are living in), and you do need to be respectful to them while you are there. Something as little as flicking your mom might not be jail material, but obviously it isn't a good thing to do.

    Have you made up with your mom about what I'm assuming was an argument? That really is the best way to start feeling better, is to come to an understanding with your parents at least to a point of respect towards each other.

  6. #6

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    I can empathize with your situation. There is more to the story and the same was true for me.

    It depends on what the state/county laws are also. In the NW if there is any contact what so ever then the person doing the contact will go in for a 24 hr cooling off period. But if some one says I am in fear then it is assault and the whole thing escalates.

    It was ok for my 12 yr old to hit the 3 year old but when I pushed him into the chair and told him to cool off (and there is more details because we had to take him to the ER for observations to get him committed). He said he was scared and I got 3 days in jail, 1 1/2 yrs probation and $5000 in lawyer and court fees. And that was to get it down to misdemeanor assault IV and not 6 yrs federal offence for parental misconduct.

  7. #7

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    At this point, if you know any kind of contact is going to get out of hand, not touching your mother in almost any way would be the way to go.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by AshleyAshes View Post
    You're story where you paint yourself as the victim seems to avoid key parts of information. Such as how the police became involved in you assaulting your mother in the first place. I imagine that your mother was forced to call the police as a result of your actions but you're trying to gloss over that part so you can feel sorry for yourself instead.
    Obviously you don't know anything at all. I see myself as myself not a victim. I didn't 'paint' myself as anything. Good day to you, my mother was not forced to do anything. She said I hit her when I just flicked her in A CHURCH. If it was so bad how come no one reacted when there were people behind me? Think before you type.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maxx View Post
    Consider it a lesson learned...Domestic battery is a hot button these days, and rightly so.

    Maybe it was just a flick this time, but once people living under the same roof have crossed that invisible line, its a potentially explosive situation. A couple days in the clink to cool off could have prevented something far worse.

    My daughter started going that way with her mother (20+ years ago). Eventually I had to toss her out, fearing that we'd get our throats cut in our sleep some dark night.
    If you know me, you'd know I'm not a violent person and if anything I'm getting more and more depressed. I have dealt with depression and I thought I escaped it on my 18th birthday but in jail, I had a thought to kill myself. I was diagnosed with long term depression and suicidal tendencies when I was 15. I have since then escaped at the very least my suicidal tendencies. I DO NOT want pity, I just want people I thought cared... to know..

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    Quote Originally Posted by BoundCoder View Post
    Guess the only thing I can offer is to accept that it happened, and try to learn from the experience and dwell on the stuff you can change rather than the stuff you can't. Not beating yourself up over past mistakes is way easier said than done, but at some point you have to come to the realization that you can't change the past, but you can only learn from it, try to repair the damage you've caused, and try not to repeat those bad decisions.

    As to the mistake, I've gotta agree with AshleyAshes... there's obviously a huge scene missing here, and I'm guessing the flick isn't the important part in it. If this is actually how you are internally viewing what happened, you might want to go back over the events more objectively, maybe after you've given yourself some time to cool down.
    Do you want what was missing? A week before I vented every thought I'd ever had and then the cops got called because somehow they I was a threat even though I kept saying I'm not making sense and I was just really hurt. I'm not a violent person and I have zero priors. I'm extremely senstive so I'm probably going to cry later, I'm not asking for empathy or sympathy, I just thought you all would care. It was just a flick but my mom overreacted.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    What was the flick for?

    The fact that you Dad bailed you out shows that he does care for you. Getting along with parents when you grow up is difficult, however it is their home (that I'm assuming you are living in), and you do need to be respectful to them while you are there. Something as little as flicking your mom might not be jail material, but obviously it isn't a good thing to do.

    Have you made up with your mom about what I'm assuming was an argument? That really is the best way to start feeling better, is to come to an understanding with your parents at least to a point of respect towards each other.
    Funny story.... I cannot even see my mother until the whole thing is either settled or I get falsely convicted and cannot see her for a year. I'm not allowed to speak to my mother directly or indirectly.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    At this point, if you know any kind of contact is going to get out of hand, not touching your mother in almost any way would be the way to go.
    Sigh... all I did was flick her and she blew it out of proportion. Then my aunt got involved and it went all Costa Rica and she verbally assaluted my fiance and forced her out of my house.... not a fun time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by egor View Post
    I can empathize with your situation. There is more to the story and the same was true for me.

    It depends on what the state/county laws are also. In the NW if there is any contact what so ever then the person doing the contact will go in for a 24 hr cooling off period. But if some one says I am in fear then it is assault and the whole thing escalates.

    It was ok for my 12 yr old to hit the 3 year old but when I pushed him into the chair and told him to cool off (and there is more details because we had to take him to the ER for observations to get him committed). He said he was scared and I got 3 days in jail, 1 1/2 yrs probation and $5000 in lawyer and court fees. And that was to get it down to misdemeanor assault IV and not 6 yrs federal offence for parental misconduct.
    Happened in Michigan :v

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    Truth? I told my mom, aunt, and her friend every thought I've ever had. As a depressed suicidal tendency person (diagnosed long term depression I'm no longer suicidal though), those thoughts were scary. I said over and over again, "I don't want to hurt anybody or myself." and then the cops got called. I willingly went to the hospital, they took blood I didn't have (at the time I'd still been recovering from an accident where I'd lost about a pint, then they took a lot) I resisted before they tried to get the blood then I passed out on the floor and had a seizure which... I'd never had. I woke up confused then they took my blood. After waiting hours and hours a lady came from far away to basically tell me my mother didn't need to do any of this and they understand just talk. After that fiasco, I flicked my mom in church barely hard at all because she laughed at my fiance.

  9. #9

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    I am sorry to hear that you are having a rough time right now. We do care and want you to be healthy, happy, and out of jail. Depression, legal troubles, and family feuds will make being happy difficult right now. I understand depression and the confusion you have right now. What can we do to help you?


    Quote Originally Posted by Premetheus View Post
    All I did was flick my mom on the shoulder but when asked, "Did he hit you?" she said, "Yes." and I wasn't there to defend myself... the cop pressed charges so my mom couldn't do anything. I spent 3 days and a night in Jail all because of a flick. I cannot read analog clocks so I never knew what time it was.
    In your opening post, we only got a glimpse of the situation. All we saw was you being depressed for spending 3 days in jail for "a flick" which you felt was nothing. From our perspective, we felt that there was more to the story than what you shared. A person does not normally spend 3 days in jail over nothing. Merely touching another person in anger is assault. Flick, slap, hit, punch, round-house-kick-to-the-head: these all appear to be assault and are treated by police as the same thing. Legally, the accused does not defend themselves until appearing in court. This is the law. It is the judge and jury who decide guilt or inocence under the law. Previous posters were trying to help you better understand the legal system and your rights within it.

    All we know for certain is your current situation is not good and there are some things which will make it worse. Right now, your life is under a legal magnifying glass. Please be very careful with your words and actions right now. Touching another person can easily add another assault charge against you. A poorly worded statement may be reported as a verbal threat. I feel as though you will want to be very careful about what you share with your family right now. Seeking advice from an uninvolved source in real life will be a safer option.

    I have dealt with my own personal version of depression and confusion because of a person causing me health and legal issues. There was no physical contact involved, but I feel as though the person had tried to kill me. Anyway, this caused me to be depressed and confused. The best source of help and advice for me was mental health professionals. It got so bad, I could not sleep and needed to be hospitalized. There, I found a safe place to rest and relax away from the situation troubling me. That was what I felt was necessary and appropriate for me. Please look at your situation and make sure you have the right advice for you and find a place to allow you to rest and relax. A psychologist or psychiatrist may help.


    I feel that I am now more confused about your situation than after the first post. Having a bunch of blood drawn to the point of passing out seems rather extreme. Having your mother and aunt verbally attack your fiancÚ is not right either. Have you asked either one why they disrespect your future spouse? It is sad to hear about how bad your family is acting. Now, legally, you must stay away from your mother. You may want to stay away from that aunt also. Her actions are adding to your confusion, sadness, and anger. Just something to consider.


    At this time, we would like you to be happy. Personally, I want you to find true joy and peace that passes all understanding from the God above the church. May God grant you the strength to endure, give you the wisdom to see through the confusion, and wrap you in a big hug for me. If there ever was a time to be padded, it'd be now.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by AshleyAshes View Post
    You're story where you paint yourself as the victim seems to avoid key parts of information. Such as how the police became involved in you assaulting your mother in the first place. I imagine that your mother was forced to call the police as a result of your actions but you're trying to gloss over that part so you can feel sorry for yourself instead.
    That's a bit harsh Ashley. No actually, that's just plain bloody minded. You don't know the full story.

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