Can a 'vanilla' partner please an AB/DL?

I have been dating my SO for about a month and a half, and he just came out to me as AB/DL. I am doing my best to support him. I have been reading up about the fetish and trying to educate myself as much as possible. The problem is, I am not interested in doing age play with my SO. I also do not want him to go to someone else for a 'Mommy' relationship he has been looking for. He has told me that our relationship comes before his AB/DL side, but I am still worried that our differences might come between us. Does anyone else have a 'vanilla' partner and makes it work for them?

That totally depends on the persons dealing with this, their desires and their limits.
A way to work this out is to have each do small steps towards the other. You don't have to go for the mommy way head on. You can please your SO in small ways that might not disturb you but still shows that you care.
Both of you propably will have to make sacrifices.
Your acception of this quirk was the first one and it is great what you are doing right now.
His first step would propably be to accept that you can't be his full time mommy.

I can't ephasize enough to anyone that communication is of utmost importance. Of course it is in any relationship, but especially now where both of you are trying to make this work.

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My wife had the same worry about me fulfilling my needs somewhere else. This is something both of you have to work on. Trust and reassurance from both parties. Word it out.

We see reports that it can be good but both parties have to work together. If your SO wants someone involved in his AB play and you're not willing to provide that, and not willing to allow someone else to, that's an inherent stress. It isn't necessarily a critical one but it depends on information we don't have (how important is it really to your SO, now and in the future).

Clearly, you have misgivings and this is new to you but I'd encourage you to look for ways that you can be involved in this. I know I'm biased as a nearly lifelong ABDL but I got involved in caregiving without any significant pre-existing desire to take care of another ABDL. I found that it was really enjoyable to be able to do something for a friend I cared about. Eventually, I came to enjoy it in its own right. This experience tells me that if I was in a relationship with someone who had some other desires that I found odd, I'd make every effort to stretch myself to see if there was a way I could be involved because it's ultimately just so much fun to share that something special and strange with someone you care about.

First of all, I think it's great that you're taking an open minded approach and trying to learn about his interest. As Not said, this fetish really isn't for everyone and no one can blame you for not wanting to participate in it. To answer your question, I think it all depends on the person. Many I know are perfectly capable of and satisfied by vanilla sex but others are much more dependent on the abdl fantasy. That's probably something you should discuss more in depth with your partner. Speaking from experience, I've only been in one serious relationship in my life, and sexual stuff was really never an issue, even though there was no ageplay or anything involved. If you ever get to a point where you feel comfortable trying to indulge his fantasies a bit, I think you SO would really love that, but don't ever feel like you have to do something you're uncomfortable with. For now, I think the best thing you can do is allow him to be open with you. Let him talk to you about this side of him and feel free to ask questions yourself. You seem to be very supportive given that you came to this site, so just keep doing what you're doing. Hope I helped a little bit. Good luck

It is important that you feel like you are safe in a relationship, and it is also important to try to go out of your comfort zone a little too. Comfort zone and safe zones don't have to be the same thing. My mom doesn't like camping, but she still does it to hang out with my dad, my dad likes classic rock, and my mom hates music with very much of a beat, so he doesn't listen to it much around her. Relationships are a place of give and take.

This is my opinion on the matter. You shouldn't feel like you have to be his mommy, that is a very involved role, and I imagine it can be mentally confusing. If you felt like you have had a good day, or he has been very kind to you, it might be nice of you to try out some care-taking roles, like bottle feeding him, or just cuddling him when he is diapered. That obviously though is out of the comfort zone and really shouldn't be expected.

As for how I think it would be good of you to give to him, would be acceptance on the level, that you are willing to let him wear diapers when he feels that it is necessary for him due to stress, or its been a while, so long that it isn't constant and interfering with your and his intimacy and interaction. It would probably be a really kind way to show acceptance by allowing him to wear an exposed diaper around you, regardless that you will not be interacting with him, however, I think at the least, he will eventually come to feel the need to have a safe zone, even if on his own, that he can be freely diapered, even if it has to be while you are out at the store or something.

Here is the fact of the matter. I know how it feels to think to myself, "maybe I could have the strength to stop wearing diapers for this girl, I love her, I want her to be happy," however, it isn't really being honest with myself. I, and most Adult Babies, and probably him, are naturally this way, it isn't a hobby that we just picked up, it is something that most of us were born with, or wired to think. Asking him to give it up entirely, would be like asking Da Vinci to never paint or make any form of art, he might have been an interesting guy still, but it would take away a key aspect of his personality.

Have you seen inside out? If not you should really see it. Imagine the Hockey island, as it drops into the abyss, that would be kind of what would be happening if he just ups and quits, it is kind of a key part of his personality, whether you see it immediately or not. some of his core sensitivities and kindness is probably tied back to his desire to be little.

Anyway, best of luck at sorting things out. I hope something that I had to say was helpful.

There are quite a few things you can do for him still, such as being the bigger spoon while cuddling, humming songs in your quiet times, maybe telling him he looks " Cute" or "Adorable" occasionally.

You may also want to give him his "AB time" , let him chill and do what he likes. Discuss what this may be with him. And if you're comfortable with it, let him bring this time out of privacy and sit in the same room with him. Read or web surf as you like.

Note said:

Just so you know, ABDL is not a fetish for everyone, for some, it is more of a way of life. It is important to find out where your partner stands with ABDL. Because between the former and the latter it's a whole new ballgame.

Good luck with your partner.

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I can't agree more! if someone tried to be sexual with me while I was in a little mode it would be pretty upsetting and traumatizing to be honest

Hi LadyLoki!

I'm going to piggyback on what others have been saying: a lot of what you need to do depends on what his AB/DL needs are.

For some, ageplay is a sexual fetish and kink. When that's the case, it oftentimes involves some form of humiliation. This does not mean you have to parade him around in public on a leash with a pacigag in his mouth (although he might enjoy that idea) but you might want to find some ways to incorporate some of his "little" props into intimate time. For example -- teasing him about wearing diapers, telling him if he's acting like a baby then he should be treated like one, making fun of his bottle etc.

Kink AB/DL can also have a focus on the diaper fetish. You can incorporate a diaper into intimate time in dozens of ways, so this is something you should discuss with him. Diapers are versatile props and many times couples can meet "in the middle" to include diapers in various roleplay scenes. For example: if he likes the feeling of "used" diapers but you're totally squicked out by urine, you can simulate the feeling for him by pouring warm water into his diaper.

And of course, even if it does turn out his AB/DL needs are mostly sexual, you probably won't have to create these scenes every time you're intimate together. Once every few times should be enough for him.

For others, AB/DL is a comfort thing. It's a way for people to let go and experience the simple freedom of being young again. Even if you don't want to take on a mommy role, there are still some ways to appease your boyfriend's little side -- cuddling, occasionally preparing "childish" foods for dinner like chicken nuggets with mac and cheese, watching an animated movie together, things like that.

For many people, AB/DL extends into both sexual and nonsexual territory. Again, you really have to talk with him about what his needs are and the kinds of things he'd like you to do, even if he knows you won't do them.

Note said:

That's not entirely what I meant. I was speaking more along the lines in the sense that some can just turn it off while others are very OCD about it and have to live it out as often as possible. I mentioned the two because with the latter the OP's partner most likely (and probably will) go though depressive states if not being able to fully express that side of him if he sees ABDL as more of a way of life, a compulsion that needs to be lived out.

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this is very true i agree there too

I maybe should have added as a third thing though that it isnt a fetish for all and for some of use where it isn't fetish sexual stuff can't be combined with it as well as it would be upsetting