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Thread: At a crisis point - am I too far down the rabbit hole?

  1. #1

    Default At a crisis point - am I too far down the rabbit hole?

    Hello folks! I wanted to start off by thanking y'all for the thoughtful threads I've been reading as a longtime lurker.

    I'm in a situation that is probably familiar to some of you. Presuming most of you haven't read my intro, here's my deal: I wore goodnites well into grade school and vividly remember wearing them. Eventually I stopped wetting but my parents didn't throw out the bags. Within a year after stopping I was sneaking into the closet at night to put one on. At that time I had no idea why I liked it but eventually my parents noticed and got rid of the lot. I couldn't wear again until I "rediscovered" my fetish in college and realized what it was.

    (Adult content warning, my apologies if this is out of bounds)
    Prior to the point where I began buying diapers for myself, I'd had two healthy heterosexual relationships which included non-penatrative sexual activity. My diaper buying began after a bout with mono which knocked me down for almost a month. As a consequence of being "out of the game" and with my previous relationship broken up, I had no issues for a while.

    Then, during my college's spring fling I had an abortive hookup with a long time crush (neither of us was drunk don't worry). I had been wearing diapers for several weeks during the nighttime before this event. Lying in bed with the two of us near naked, I found I was completely unable to gain and maintain an erection even though I felt totally aroused. We decided to break off our little escapade becuase she said she had nothing to "work with". It was one of the worst experiences of my life because of how it dug into my sense of being a man.

    I have two questions. One, is it possible that this was caused by a permanant shift in sexual conditioning by the diapers? Two, am I not so far down the rabbit hole that I could regain my heteronormative sexual function? How? Would I need to totally give up diapers to do so?

    Thank you in advance for sharing your thoughts. I realize this is heavy stuff but I've seen the kind of maturity on this forum before.

  2. #2


    Forgive me for a personal question, but how often if at all do you masturbate?

  3. #3


    Believe it or not, this has come up before, so you're not the only one. I remember responding with this thought. There was a case on Law and Order, SVU where a guy became so hooked on masturbating to porn, that he couldn't have sex with a girl unless he was looking at porn. My guess is that this story was based on true, documented cases. I think it is possible to associate sex with diapers, that it might be psychologically difficult to become aroused where diapers are not involved.

    I don't believe that you are down a rabbit's hole or that it can't be reversed, but I also had another thought. You said you had been sick for a long time with mono. Is it possible that the illness had an effect on your overall health and your ability to get an erection? Mono can affect a lot of the body in different ways as I'm sure you know.

    I think you need to get back into the girl and dating game. I think if you try more dating and less diapers, you'll be back to where you want. If not, it might be time to seek some sort of professional help.

  4. #4


    Erections are a complex psychological topic. The physical part is simple: increased blood flow and pressure makes it erect. Getting the signal from one head to the other correctly is not so simple. Physical sickness like mono can weaken the body and make it more difficult to perform for a while. Anxiety, worry, or stress can also wreck performance. Personal desires also influence it. Ever hear of stage fright? Even this can happen.

    Regarding your questions, there is no permanent conditioning. Please remove this from your thinking. There is present conditioning and past experience. Anything that may be learned may be learned differently later. Granted, the longer one practices one way, the harder it becomes to learn another. With sex like anything else, there is no reason to assume that practicing one way means you may only do it that one way. People can be ambidextrous, play both football and baseball, be a rugged outdoorsman and President (Teddy Roosevelt), and do a number of other things that require opposite skills. One simply must develope both skills. With sex, keeping diapers at a healthy balance in your life will keep you normal and healthy. Nothing else required.

    One failed performance in front of a woman does not spell disaster. She was a long-time crush. Just worrying about not performing for her could have caused you to not perform. As stated earlier, there are a number of reasons why you may have not performed. Questioning your manhood or thinking about bad experiences will instantly kill the mood. Next time, be sure to focus on the woman in front of you and not on the erection, negative thoughts, or doubts. It will pop up on its own when it's ready. If not, see a doctor.

    It is so good for us that there is no rabbit hole. We may condition our bodies how we want. We can even have multiple interests, parallel paths, and relatively equal desires. A person can desire both women and diapers either at seperate times or together. This can be what you want. Hope you enjoy your diapers, find a good girlfriend, and have fun.

  5. #5


    You've fooled around previously and it worked, right? One failure in a row doesn't mean anything. Performance anxiety. Extremely unlikely diapers had anything to do with it .... unless... is it possible you were paranoid that she might see your stash through the partially open closet door?

  6. #6


    Honestly, the first question I have, similar to Kashi is whether you had masturbated recently (like that morning or the previous night). There are some physical limitations if you're tired. Take a couple days off and try things again there. I'm thinking it is a physical issue because you said you felt aroused and the mechanics simply weren't working. It would be different if you said that you were with the woman and didn't feel any attraction.

    That said, good practice for that kind of situation is to take a few days off of all the sexual stuff and let yourself recover. Then you can see if things work better and how you're feeling the next time around.

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