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Thread: Hope or settle?

  1. #1

    Unhappy Hope or settle?

    I'm thinking this is mostly depression talking, but I think I've hit the high point in my life.I'm a crappy manager at a restaurant. The job is boring and stressful. I feed incompetent lazy people. Some of who don't know how to bath correctly. I don't know what to do with my life otherwise. My hometown doesn't offer any other decent jobs. It's this or some job in the oil field. I don't have the strength for something like this. I think I wasted my life working at that restaurant. I feel like I have more to offer the world, but I could be kidding myself. Maybe I'm where I'm meant to be, but how is that so if I hate it so much. I'm honestly doing it for the money at this point. I use to have energy and drive, now I'm sluggish and bored at work. I'm feeling beatdown a little by life at this point.

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by DarkBabyMagicain View Post
    I'm thinking this is mostly depression talking, but I think I've hit the high point in my life.
    Reading this I would agree.
    The trick/coping skill is to find the kernel of truth and look at the positive side of the issue.



    I'm a crappy manager at a restaurant.
    I would just ask this. If this was true then the business would go under. You got there by skills and/or longevity. The owner would not just put anyone in that position because the success rides on you skills.



    The job is boring and stressful.
    I do some catering and I understand the stressful part, but I do not know about the boring. It always seems to me like I am forever "putting out fires" and getting the program back on track.



    I feed incompetent lazy people. Some of who don't know how to bath correctly.
    I am sure it feels like that, but there is been more then one time when I just am tiered and exhausted and need/want someone else to wait on me for a while. When I come out of the field after a hard days work I "clean up" but it may not be "spit and polished" finished. So I would say they might not be Lazy, but hard workers at the end of their limits. Plus incompetent would be a subjective evaluation. I am "incompetent" as a supervisor, but was Technician of the year. My point being is that Peter got the Nobel prize in economics for the "Peter's Principle" and people are promoted to there highest level of incompetence, i.e. a good technician makes a bad supervisor.



    I don't know what to do with my life otherwise. My hometown doesn't offer any other decent jobs. It's this or some job in the oil field. I don't have the strength for something like this. I think I wasted my life working at that restaurant. I feel like I have more to offer the world, but I could be kidding myself. Maybe I'm where I'm meant to be, but how is that so if I hate it so much. I'm honestly doing it for the money at this point. I use to have energy and drive, now I'm sluggish and bored at work. I'm feeling beatdown a little by life at this point.
    This is all of the stuff that one can talk to t therapist about and help over come the depression.
    I know form past threads you have discussed this issue and It takes a long time to "go away", so keep working on things and do not hesitate to vent when feeling frustrated. That is why we are here.

    Hang on and keep peddling.

    I hope this helps

    Egor

  3. #3

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    How small is your town? Less than 1000 people? I lived in a tiny town of less than 500 person mining town so I can understand how little quality work there is around. "Oh, you can work on the mines," they say... Yep. I can. If I want to hate my life but have a nice bank account and get a chance to see my friends.

    I actually found my career change due to my depression. Just one of a few ways my depression actually improved me life (after I beat it of course). If I didn't have depression I wouldn't have done a lot of things that lead to my new job. Quitting my job, running away from my country to travel (again...) and wouldn't have walked into a little bookshop that gave me my idea.

    I went and had a read of your blog. I feel I was in much the same place you were. I put on 15-20kg because I couldn't eat right and didn't go to sleep until late even though I knew I had to. I couldn't look after myself. For me I had to move back in with my parents to get through it.

    For people who are thinking about a career change or feeling bogged down I always recommend volunteering. It gives you a chance to try out different things, get good stuff on your resume, helps your depression, gives new skills and helps you to think outside of yourself. It often is a good self-esteem booster to know you've improved someones life since with my depression I didn't care about my own any more. Importantly, it made me feel like I had a reason in the world.

    Here's some ideas that are available in small towns. (at least in Western Australia)

    Volunteer Fire fighter or fire brigade support - I did this one and still do. It was huge for my self confidence. Wild fires, house fires, car crashes, school education. You learn how to deal with all of them. Just think carefully before doing road crash as it's pretty horrible. Once you've run into a burning building you always can say that to yourself when you feel low and you can keep a running tally of the people and property you've saved. I'm up to 3 people (helped save.. not directly of course since it's a team effort) and $700,000 of property. (at least)
    Volunteer paramedics - This is a difficult one and I wouldn't recommend it if you are really depressed. But it is amazing for your job prospects and some depressed people do really well in this. I couldn't do it but that's my personality.
    Kids sports - Great for leadership, organisation and makes you feel good. Good for small towns as employers recognise you.
    Helping in school - Basically listening to kids read.
    Animal rescue - Makes you feel warm and fuzzy. Good for learning basic medical skills.
    Social work - homelessness, child abuse, war vets .. volunteers usually get the nice stuff such as helping to run the kids programmes or helping clean the gutters of an old war vet. This was one that got me into my new career too and lead me to one of my best business leads so far.

    Also, if you're feeling more and more slugging it could be a clue that your depression is getting worse. Record it all for your doctor. And, as I have said a few times in the last 2 days.. check out "The Walsh Institute."

  4. #4

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    Hey there, I like what the others have said. Also, don't get down on yourself over your job. Hit it with an I can attitude. Do it the very best you can every day. Yes some of your customers might be less desirable than you'd like, but they're the reason you have s job, and you should feel proud that you are providing a service...it maybe the best they know. If you are always looking down you'll miss opportunities. Hold your head high be ready for what life has to offer.

  5. #5

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    Just as a bit of advice ozbub and please don't take offence. I know it was well meaning but saying to hit something with an "I can attitude" and "should feel proud" to someone with depression is kind of like saying to someone with no legs to run it off. It can actually be physically impossible (chemically in the brain) to feel positive about something when you suffer from clinical depression.

    I recommend reading these two comics to understand what he's going through. This is the best explanation of what depression is like and is actually used to explain to psychology students how it feels if they haven't had it.

    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co...epression.html

    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co...-part-two.html

  6. #6

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    I certainly didn't mean to be insensitive, though I get the vibe from this post that he's more frustrated and despondent than clinically depressed. Also, I do try to take care where I have seen a pattern emerging from someone's posts. But I am appreciative of your concern Aidy....thanks for your concern and advice.

    Hey DBM I really do hope you can find enough strength to recognise the valuable contribution your making to your workplace. Also, some of the suggestion that Aidy had made about becoming involved in some other positive ways in the community are really sensible.

  7. #7

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    You can have hope because you can settle for the job you have now. You can be glad to hold the job while looking for something better. The choice is yours. Having joy in your job is a personal decision. It is much harder with depression, but it is still possible. The question is what do you want to do with your life?

    Now, how would you define a decent job? What would you not consider a waste of your life? If your goal is support yourself and support society, your current job does that.

    How would you offer more to the world? This sounds too vague and meaningless to be of any real value. Are you feeling like you want a more important job? A more meaningful job? A more exciting job? These descriptions will bring with them more stressful job requirements. Define what you seek and the path will be easier to find.

    Is it possible that you are spending too much time and energy focused on work right now? Could you be burning out? This can happen to anyone. Perhaps some time off or a hobby may help recharge you. Something worth considering.


    I hope you find your energy and drive again. May you find a source of joy and become content with your job, either this one or the next. Have a good week.

  8. #8

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    You're only 25. When I think back to all the things that have happened since then. Working in a kinda crappy customer service job, between girlfriends, still living in parent's basement.... Things got a lot darker briefly, .... house burned down while I was in the midst of trying to negotiate a better job... imagine trying to do that 30 years before cell phones. The phone number on my resume belongs to a melted piece of plastic somewhere in charred ruins. Wrecked my car, mid-winter, musical phone booths.... Then got a whole lot better. Met my wife, got my own apartment, got the better job...Keep your head up, your eyes and ears open, and keep on truckin'

  9. #9

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    Here's is a part of the problem. I've mastered the job already. That's why it's boring. There is no challenge to it anymore. Now I can't go any higher. The only other spot is my boss's job, and I don't see them leaving anytime soon. I need the push a challenge to be happy and energic. It's what I live for. A challenge. It's simple, I want to push what I'm capable of. I get bored when everything is easy. I tried moving before, but the job offers were slim. I mean most of them were for fast food chains. I hated food related jobs already, so obviously I didn't waste my time on those. I tried a new field. I went to Best Buy for a interview, but never heard back. That was almost a year ago. I've been trying for a good few month to find what I want to do with my life, but I have no answers. My parents give me the same Bull [email protected]#t answer.

    "You'll find it" <--------- This isn't an answer. It's feel good crap. It's no use to me.

    Personally I think I do need to see a therapist, but there isn't one in my hometown. I would have to drive half an hour or more to see one. I don't have the time with my manager job. My boss believes we should always have that building on our minds. I push my people so I can get home. I don't want to be there after so long. The building looks how I feel depressed and sad. Who would what to stay there. On top of that the place is burning hot all day long. "Burnt out" doesn't even define how I feel. I've been looking forward to two things lately. Star Wars The Force Awakens, and the winter video game releases. I don't have much least to look forward to. Oh and before anyone says why not try dating. That's one's hard when you're related to a good part of the town.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by DarkBabyMagicain View Post
    Here's is a part of the problem. I've mastered the job already. That's why it's boring. There is no challenge to it anymore. Now I can't go any higher. The only other spot is my boss's job, and I don't see them leaving anytime soon. I need the push a challenge to be happy and energic. It's what I live for. A challenge. It's simple, I want to push what I'm capable of. I get bored when everything is easy. I tried moving before, but the job offers were slim. I mean most of them were for fast food chains. I hated food related jobs already, so obviously I didn't waste my time on those. I tried a new field. I went to Best Buy for a interview, but never heard back. That was almost a year ago. I've been trying for a good few month to find what I want to do with my life, but I have no answers.
    Thank you for that feed back. This helps make more since out of the issues.




    Personally I think I do need to see a therapist, but there isn't one in my hometown. I would have to drive half an hour or more to see one. I don't have the time with my manager job. My boss believes we should always have that building on our minds. I push my people so I can get home. I don't want to be there after so long. The building looks how I feel depressed and sad. Who would what to stay there. On top of that the place is burning hot all day long. "Burnt out" doesn't even define how I feel. I've been looking forward to two things lately. Star Wars The Force Awakens, and the winter video game releases. I don't have much least to look forward to. Oh and before anyone says why not try dating. That's one's hard when you're related to a good part of the town.
    Again thank you for the feed back.

    I hope these suggestions will help.

    Aidy did hit on one good point, and find something to occupy your time with (grounding therapy).

    Attempt this.
    Compartmentalize your life.

    Put the job in that "got to do to live" file. It only gets put on when you get ready for work and when you leave. (period)

    Then look at the other x number of hours. Be it 16 a day or 168-work a week that is yours. Get your sleep so; 168 hrs. - (work + sleep) = your time.

    Your time find something that would stimulate you.

    You have your video games, but can you add ?????

    A hobby, a help type activity (community, church, ????) or to better yourself with on line classes to pick up skills to get the "H* out of Dodge".

    The other thing (and this is not remembering where you are from) there is some on line or phone health systems that you might look into for therapeutic assistance.

    There again just taking a long drive out of town every so often may do just as good.

    I am sure there is issues to these suggestions I an not privy to, but the intent is to just give you ideas to stimulate your thought of what would interest you.

    That was the big thing I had to deal with when I was "trapped" in a no escape situation and my depression was becoming serious. (not to push it but I had to drive 100 miles to talk to the therapist on a video conference, and the drive alone was more helpful then the meeting)

    So I suddenly realized that there was a craft that I had not done in 15 years. The first kit was $40 but it did help me do grounding skills to clear my mind and be able to deal with real life situations.

    The down side is be prepared to get ridiculed for "sitting on your butt doing that".
    I dealt with it by the truth and told the person that "it is my way of working on my issues and stress and not strangling the shit out of the idiots that cause it!".
    They backed off and did not bring it up unless it was in an argument and they wanted to remind me of how stupid they are!.

    So again I hope this helps.

    We are a support group and we can give you ideas and help to deal with the stress.

    Egor

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