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Thread: Confused - Is there something wrong with me?

  1. #1

    Default Confused - Is there something wrong with me?

    Hi all, I've lurked on the forum for a while but finally thought I should set up an account. I was wondering if I could ask for some advice about an issue that has been troubling for many years but has seemed to escalate in recent years as I get older.

    I've been a DL since I was quite young and I've always been very cautious of embracing this side of my life. I've always felt very guility for being a DL however I've slowly come to accept it as part of my life, albeit privately.

    I am very confused about my sexuality which is really causing me great issues in my life. I've never had any interest in having sex so I recently came to the conclusion that I must be asexual. I have always however had a sexual interest in diapers and have fantasised about the idea of my male friends being put back in diapers and regressed to 'babyhood'.

    What is deeply concerning me is that I have no interest in a relationship of any sort and I get aroused by the idea of friends (both older and younger than me) getting put back into diapers. I tend to prefer fantasising about my friends when they were younger (pre-16) as it feels more realistic and I get aroused by the idea of someone being forced back into diapers. My huge concern is that this isn't healthy as I'm worried that it's bordering on pedophilic thoughts. Quite frankly, if that was the case then I would be unable to live with myself. I can just able cope with being an AB and Asexual but I couldn't cope with having those sort of thoughts.

    I've never got aroused by anyone (without thinking of them in diapers) so my hope is that I'm aroused by the diapers aspect and the idea of younger people in diapers is purely just because i like to imagine 'realistic' scenarios which is why I fantasise about that. Another reason I worry is that that I enjoy spending time with children as there's no pressure with them and the conversation is about 'carefree' issues and there is no talk of relationships, sex, etc. I also think being around children takes me back to a time in my life where I was happy and secure (I'm almost envious of them and want to swap places with them!)

    I used to consider myself a pretty successful and popular guy (Working in a very good job and very sporty) but lately I'm getting more and more withdrawn as I think there's something wrong with me due to the reasons above. As I haven't been able to talk about it with anyone, I think I just get more and more paranoid that there is something wrong with me. This whole idea in my head that something was wrong with me came around as I've always loved working with kids to inspire them and coach football so while working, I decided to start coaching a youth football team. My friends always used to joke that I was a 'pedophile' as I was always with the kids which started to put seeds of doubt in my mind about whether there was some truth in it as I did enjoy coaching the kids and spending time with them. In some ways, I prefered their company to that of my friends. With the combination of being asexual and the thoughts I have as a AB, I was so worried that there might be some truth in my friends jokes that I have totally given up coaching just in case they are right. It's also totally freaks me out that they could be right.

    For the record, I would never ever do anything to a child (I'd kill myself first!) but I'm now crazily scared that there is something wrong with me. Does anyone have any advice? Is there something wrong with me for having those thoughts or is it quite common for an DL to fantasise about the sort of things I am.

    Would be very grateful for some reassurance or some advice as I'm going out of mind with worry. Thank you.

  2. #2

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    What kinds of feelings do you have about real children or adolescents? To me, this seems like the key. For your own piece of mind, you might want to focus more on adult fantasies but I don't necessarily see a fantasy as having a tangible connection to reality. There are any number of things that turn me or others on that wouldn't be pleasant in the real world.

    As a related question: have you spent much time with other ABDLs? If not, you might find that the introduction of diapers into some kind of intimacy might make that all more appealing.

  3. #3

    Default

    Hi Trevor, thank you very much for getting back to me. No huge feelings about adolescents other than when fantasising about a regression type scenario. That's my hope and my thoughts - I think I've just got myself paranoid about the situation but keen to get external thoughts as obviously others may have different views.

    I never have met another ABDL in all honesty. It's something that I have considered but I've never had the guts to do. Certainly might look into that.

    Thank you again for replying - it's much appreciated.

  4. #4

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    I don't think you seem to be a pedophile. Your only sexual interest are with the diapers and not the people themselves. I'm assuming you don't fantasize about doing anything sexual with the children at all.

    I'd say about 60-70% of what you describe is how I feel about myself from time to time. I think what you have is more of a desire to be a parent. You want to take care of children but because of your interests, diapers are involved.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by gp123 View Post
    Hi Trevor, thank you very much for getting back to me. No huge feelings about adolescents other than when fantasising about a regression type scenario. That's my hope and my thoughts - I think I've just got myself paranoid about the situation but keen to get external thoughts as obviously others may have different views.

    I never have met another ABDL in all honesty. It's something that I have considered but I've never had the guts to do. Certainly might look into that.

    Thank you again for replying - it's much appreciated.
    I think it makes sense to be cautious and guarded about this one when the potential harm is so great. When the attraction to real adolescents and children isn't there, I think you're okay. I'd encourage you to look seriously at socializing with other ABDLs. I was about as inwardly focused in this as they come but it has had what I consider a very healthy socializing influence on me. If you found friends you like and trust, you could play some of these things out in ways that might be more enjoyable than just doing them in your head (not that that isn't fun).

  6. #6

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    I think Trevor makes a good point. By socializing with people with similar interests in diapers, I think you might get some much needed support, and in that, you can make peace with liking diapers. I think that if you were sexually attracted to children, you would definitely know it. I don't think there's a murky, middle ground, but I suppose I could be wrong. It it's really troubling you, you might seek some sort of psychological help, only because it might be helpful to talk through this. I think that in a short while, a psychologist would put a lot of your fears to rest.

  7. #7

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    Honestly, I could've been the one writing about 3/4 of what you said. Everything you described is eerily similar to my experience so far. I too have never really been attracted to anyone as well as having a bit of an aversion to sex, and have recently concluded I must be asexual. This fetish has always been my only sexual outlet. I can also strongly relate to everything you said about enjoying spending time around children as well. My friends like to make pedophile jokes about me as well which gets a bit irritating. Unfortunately, I've also known the kind of fantasies you're talking about and I know how much stress and fear they can cause. In my case the fantasies usually involved myself at a young age but some of them involved others and those really scared me. There was a point when I was about 14 where I was obsessively scared that I was a pedophile to the point that I tried to just rid myself of this fetish completely.

    Then I looked at it a bit more realistically. You're not fantasizing about children sexually, and as dogboy said, if you were sexually attracted to kids, you'd know it. So there's really not much cause for concern. I know exactly how you feel and I know how much it can suck. Luckily for me, my fantasies seemed to grow up with me to an extent over the last couple years. I'd say take the advice everyone has given and socialize with other abdl's if possible, as that could be very therapeutic. And lastly; Don't worry dude, I think you're all good

  8. #8

    Default

    Thank you all for your support and words of advice. It's really helpful to hear from people who have been in my situation.

    Out of interest, how did you guys tend to meet people in the AB community? Was it through ADISC or are there other ways to meet?

    Thanks again

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by gp123 View Post
    Thank you all for your support and words of advice. It's really helpful to hear from people who have been in my situation.

    Out of interest, how did you guys tend to meet people in the AB community? Was it through ADISC or are there other ways to meet?

    Thanks again
    My first best meets were friends from here. I didn't set out to meet anyone, I just made friends and opportunities eventually arose where we could manage to meet. These days, I have a fair number of chances to meet other ABDLs (Seattle is a good spot for it) and it's less of a production. Twitter and friends of friends are my main methods of connection that now, but I don't think it would have worked as well for me right off as it does now. I'm much more comfortable with the community and the occasional curveballs I get served.

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