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Thread: Questions after telling my girlfriend i'm an AB/DL

  1. #1

    Default Questions after telling my girlfriend i'm an AB/DL

    Hey everyone hope y'all are doing well. So as the title expresses I am now out to my girlfriend. This isn't a new occurrence, it actually happened after about 4 months of dating, if i remember correctly. As of now we have been going strong for almost 9 months. She is very special to me and I can honestly say I will marry this girl. With that being said she has seemed to take the whole AB/DL thing well. She isn't the vocal type but she immediately refused to leave me after I told her that night in the campus library. However, she hasn't asked many questions or engaged me on the topic. I bring it up every once and a while when talking but never use specific words seeing as we are often out in public on campus. Needless to say there has been a surprising lack of questioning about the matter. The only time we have talked about it was when a friend of mine found my stash in the dorm, and when I was asked by her what was in the package I had received, which was a cloth diaper I had ordered. I guess my main question is how do I engage her in discussions of this matter. Im afraid if I harp on the topic to much she will get annoyed or think in weird and leave. I don't want her to assume this is all I think about or that it is more important to me than her. I love her and just want her to be happy. I want to make sure she is ok with my choices before we are married. This leads me to my second point, how do I eloquently expose her to my ABDL tendencies. The last thing I want is to disgust her. I also don't want her to go into this relationship blind. I want her to be able to make decisions based on truth, if that means she might leave me over this then I will understand. It will be devastating because I love her, but I want her to be happy. As of now she has only seen one cloth diaper and that was because it was in the mail, she has yet to see me wearing one, using a Paci or bottle, or even wearing and infantile onesie or footed pajamas. I am at a total loss as how to bring this up or engage here in these activities which i want her to understand and be comfortable with. Basically, I want her to be happy and informed and I guess I am a little worried because there seems to be a lack of communication on this topic, despite me engaging in regression or diaper wearing on a regular basis. Sorry for the long post and sloppy writing. I appreciate y'all taking the time to read my post and look forward to any comments given. Thanks y'all.

  2. #2

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    I can't help you, but I do wish you luck.
    And look foward to seeing what others reply with.

  3. #3

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    I've been in your situation a couple of times. Ask her to do something with you that requires her involvement; she could give you a bath, or feed you a bottle. The activity on her part will keep her engaged and avoid prolonged thought about the situation. I would not ask her to do anything that involves diapering or adult baby clothes until you know that she is willing to participate. Asking her to give you a bath or a bottle is a very nonthreatening approach.

  4. #4

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    My wife is similar.
    She's accepting but not interested really -- not even curious. So she won't bring it up as s topic even though j have a certain degree of ongoing anxiety about it.

    One way I have been able to lead us into conversations about it has been to talk about sexuality or "love languages" in general. We've done personality tests together, taken a sexual inventory several times (this includes pretty in-detail specifics with regard to preferences and history). In every case, diapers ended up being PART of the conversation. But it was in the context of a bigger talk -- this helped both of us feel like my diaper fetish was kept in balance.

    Any relationship is quid pro quo. And it's just fine to want or need certain affection in certain ways. But part of the deal is learning to understand what our partner needs and wants -- and striving to fulfill THAT.

    Good luck!' Sounds like you've got a good one!

  5. #5
    noahVmiller

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    I feel like I've been in your shoes. Looking back in my last relationship with the girl straight out of my wildest dreams, she dropped so many hints about being a mommy - I just could not even begin to imagine someone would be so accepting - like the thought never crossed my mind. I was always so afraid of monopolizing the limited time we had together (we were LDR) by ageplaying. I felt guilty based on my past for wanting to be a baby more or less during the limited times we had on our visits.

    It absolutely kills me to look back and wonder if I had only been a little more vocal and just ASKED then maybe things would be different. Honestly, I am such a submissive and so accustomed to never getting a chance to regress that it feels weird to ask. I am so used to be denied and rejected regarding everything about this lifestyle that to even think of asking and risking freaking her out or something during the limited time we had just did not seem right. I am also very submissive in that I will put someone else's needs in front of mine, and I felt like her need for us to have "adult" time outweighed by dying desire and need to be little.

    I rarely ever brought anything up about the diapers because based on past relationships, anytime I "stirred" the pot tried to mix in diapers - things went downhill fast.

    My ex used to ask me about limits and the genuine truth I truly have none. I can see it from one extreme to the other and nothing scares me. The fact that I can see the entire spectrum of acceptance allows me to let go of any expectations - because just being accepted and able to form such a close bond with your wife / mommy that's incredible.

    It's sad when I think back on my own childhood, and I can't remember a single time calling my dad - daddy or mom - mommy. I don't just want, I need a mommy's love.

  6. #6

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    Communication is important in any relationship. Here's my advise. If you want to talk about it more then you should ask her questions about it. Ask questions to her like, "How do you feel about it (it being the abdl thing)?" "What questions do you have about me and abdl?" "What do you want to know?" .
    When talking about it, it is really important that you talk in private. That's the only way you'll have good trusting communication. Another way you can potentially talk about it more is by playing the question game. She asks a question, you answer. You ask a question, she answers. And so on and so forth.
    In a relationship communication is key. Abdl is going to be tough to talk about, but it is really important that you do communicate all about it. Maybe she is just uncomfortable with it all right now. The only way to get her to be comfortable about it is to communicate and show her that it is something really special that you two can talk about.

  7. #7

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    Thanks yall for all the advice and helpfull replies. Yes cm902010 she is an amazing woman and I love her to death I am truly blessed. I like your suggestion of direct question runningdl I never thought that to ask them in that manner. I guess with me being secretive for 21 years it is a little difficult for me to say those things outloud. I also like the idea of incorporating a bottle or paci into our time together. I don't know when I will try that but it seems like a good stepping stone. She is off out of state atm but will be back in about a month. Once visitation opens up I look forward to using your suggestions. Also if she has any questions or want to reach out to other do you think this is an appropriate place for her to do so. The last thing I want is for her to be scared away. Also did I mention she loves the fifty shades of gray books. Again thanks and keep the comments coming I always love good advice.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by nightfox320 View Post
    Also if she has any questions or want to reach out to other do you think this is an appropriate place for her to do so.
    Yes. We have several members that are on ADISC simply to learn about ABDL as it relates to their SO. So she can make her own account and ask away!

  9. #9

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    The worst thing you can do is push too hard she has to have time to process the info too.
    What what is it you really want what do you want her to do is it even feasible.
    You must be very honest with yourself what are you willing to live with and what if she says no.
    Now the most important thing what is she willing to live with what are her feelings on this she is an equal partner so her thoughts matter too.

    It's so easy for us to say OK now that's out in the open let's charge forward which can cause a ref in relationship.
    That is why going slow is so important you don't want to overwhelm her.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by foxkits View Post
    The worst thing you can do is push too hard she has to have time to process the info too.
    What what is it you really want what do you want her to do is it even feasible.
    You must be very honest with yourself what are you willing to live with and what if she says no.
    Now the most important thing what is she willing to live with what are her feelings on this she is an equal partner so her thoughts matter too.


    It's so easy for us to say OK now that's out in the open let's charge forward which can cause a ref in relationship.
    That is why going slow is so important you don't want to overwhelm her.
    I agree 100%. A part of me want to move quickly now that I am no longer hiding. It feels good to be accepted and still loved for something I have hidden for so many years. With that being said the other logical adult part of me is nervous of the ramifications and sensitive to my girlfriends feelings. With that being said I definitely want to take it slow. As far as what I can live with is mostly acceptance. I would like for her to be involved to some extent, but I have been cubbing out alone for such a long time it would make little difference if she didn't want to be involved. The only thing that would upset me is if she couldn't accept me wearing diapers. I feel so selfish saying that but I know from my past that if I tried to make concessions and stop wearing it just comes back stronger and I end up hiding things. As I said she doesn't have to be involved all i want is her to allow me or be comfortable with the idea that yeas when she is not around I will possibly be padded and little. Hope all that made sense and didn't sound to self-centered.

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