Transgender thoughts.

Is it strange that I detest looking at pictures of myself from my childhood or pictures of myself without any feminine clothing on? Or that I have taken down any photographs of myself during childhood AND made an effort to suppress any further photographing of myself (like graduation pictures and such?). Whenever I look at them I just feel this sense of dread and disdain. I know, they're just pictures, but to me they're a missing piece of myself that I will never get back. I remember how painful it was to have to sift through pictures of myself to prepare a slideshow for my own graduation party. Looking at the little boy as an adult woman who, despite never transitioning, knows that the person in the picture just doesn't reflect her. These feelings are pretty trivial, and I know they are, but they exist. Do any of you feel something psychological like that, or am I a minority?

I was going to respond to this earlier, so I apologize for this being a little late. But no, it isn't strange. I hate looking at any pictures of myself, as it reminds me of the pain and confusion I was going through. Its even one of the reasons my special somekitty who is far away hasn't seen any real pictures of me as well. Anyways, one way I try and make it beter, is by trying to remember the good things that came with the photographs, like the birthday party, or snuggles with dad, or something like that. Makes it a little more positive.

I'm nonbinary... well, I'm more like genderfulid between demiboy and demigirl, but I was lucky enough to never really experience any sort of physical dysphoria... looking back on those old pictures, it's still me, it's just that I thought I was a full-time girl back then. But I have had trans friends who talk about the same thing you're experiencing. I think it's pretty common.

FeekaDimension said:

I'm nonbinary... well, I'm more like genderfulid between demiboy and demigirl, but I was lucky enough to never really experience any sort of physical dysphoria... looking back on those old pictures, it's still me, it's just that I thought I was a full-time girl back then. But I have had trans friends who talk about the same thing you're experiencing. I think it's pretty common.

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I myself feel rather gender-fluid "internally", despite my male anatomy and "conventional" male way of dressing and going out into the world.
In my own bedroom I mutely play with my dolly friends, as if I were a little girl, yet, I am too fearful to let my little girl side "out" anywhere else but this bedroom.

I am older than most here but , I have been dealing with transgenderism for 50 years since3-4 years old , it does get easlier , it is dealing with people that don't understand what it is.one day you wake up and don't give a shit what others think of you and you go and live your life like you want to, being a TG DL is the greatest thing on earth, what is cuter than a diaper and cute bra together, well thanks for letting me vent

I absolutely feel you. Though I didnt fully realize it until 17, I too am a girl. I absolutely hate all the pictures of me in formal. The slightly emo, trendy kid pics I can deal. I do hate being reminded of what could have been though.