I refuse to be scared of who I am anymore. I also refuse to let other people's judgments bother me. I live in fear, afraid to admit what I really want or need and the truth is I need a mommy's love.
I've never been close with my mom mostly because I hardly remember anything sentimental from my childhood, and I honestly cant even remember the last time I "cuddled" with her, let anyone in my family. I've spent most of my life past middle school talking to my dad because my mom will pass the phone to my dad. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, it just reaffirms the gaping hole in my heart that I truly just want and need the love from a mommy's heart.
I should clarify something...I have been angry at my parents, pointing out their flaws lately because I've realized I am 25 years old and still living without any form of unconditional present in my life. It upsets to look back on my life and relive some of the harsh memories, and it would be a completely different story if LOVE had been present - but it was all conditional. I don't wish revenge, spite, or resentment against my parents I just wish I could fill the voids of love in my heart with pure unconditional love from an accepting partner.
The truth is I want and need to regress - it's like the ultimate coping mechanism for me. Life isn't about keeping score, but I have been through so much and regressing allows me to let it all go. There's so much about my past I wish I could just forget and move on - regressing allows me to create new memories.
I crave and desire someone who can control me totally, and is accepting enough to regress me into a baby. I would love to be regressed long enough so that the "honey moon" phase wears off and I'm left in a dirty diaper. I already feel little in my everyday life but I want to be little. I know this might sound crazy to some, but it's part of my dna makeup I truly believe.
Curious how many others out there would consider regressing past the point of the honey moon stage. Granted, that's assuming you've found someone who keeps you there that long.
I need to preface this by saying...I can live and maintain a healthy lifestyle. WHen and if the day comes I find an accepting partner who actually sticks by my side through the thick and thin...I would never pressure them to "be in charge that long." I understand these are unrealistic expectations but its still fun to imagine.