yeah I know, this isn't a brony forum but I'm just posting this as both a life update and a general stream of thoughts. Please excuse the slight rubbishness of this post as I'm just writing things down as them come into my mind.
Firstly (I literally spent the first paragraph explaining how unstructured this post is and now I'm ordering it ), I'm SO SORRY for pretty much wasting everyone's time by constantly asking for help and clearly never following it. This isn't a post of excuses but I just want to reinforce how hard it was for my to bring myself to talk to people and how I always felt like people wanted and cared about me when they posted positive comments. And then VaultDweller came,
I'm not sure how I can excuse my ghastly language but I just was so hurt and taken aback that VaultDweller said something like that. At the time, I couldn't take a step back and see how repetative my posts were and how rude I seemed but I was so consumed by my negative thoughts I just went off at anyone who was mean to me. I'm still angry at you vaultdweller and I don't really want to talk to you again.
But before my laptop burns any more of my legs let me explain a few things. About 3 weeks ago I had to go to hospital because of irritation on the lining around my heart. When I was at the hospital I talked to one of the doctors about depression and how I always felt that nobody ever wanted me around. He talked to my mum about it and yeah. Still nothing really happened on that string but we'll see what materialises.
A few days ago I was watching some comedy videos on youtube about becoming a brony. I was curious about it and decided to watch and episode.. And about a week later I can safely say that I'm officially a brony
For some reason, the show always makes me feel so happy when I'm watching it. Maybe it's Pinkie Pie's crazy energy and randomness, maybe it's a relation I seem to have with fluttershy's behaviour and shyness. Whatever the reason I love the show now and it's all pretty rad
I really don't care who knows about my my little pony addiction and my sister found out because she saw my rainbowdash wallpaper on my computer when I was showing her a home network I'm building. She just laughed and straight away asked if I was a brony and I just said yes and we both laughed.
I still have periods of depression frequently and not a whole lot had improved since I was last on to be honest but I hope that'll change.
I'm gradually becoming more happy with who I am and I'm starting to better accept what my mind says I like and who I want to be.
we're not out of the rough seas yet but only time will tell. Keep you guys updated with how things go. Oh and I built a computer
GASP!! Okay, I won't take up any more of your time. Catch you guys later or in the comments I'm open to any questions any of you may have.