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Thread: Getting a girlfriend as a DL?

  1. #1

    Default Getting a girlfriend as a DL?

    I think my social anxiety is lowering to a point to where I can find a girlfriend. But, I'm still self-conscious about not only being a DL, but a transsexual DL. I know transsexuals are able to find significant others, but I'm sure being a DL is less common and a lot weirder.

    So, how should I go about telling potential girlfriends that I'm a DL (and trans)? Do I tell them up front on the first date, a few dates in? And what do I do if she doesn't take it well? I really don't know anything about relationships, I've never had a real one.

    I just want someone to be my true self with. Someone that can indulge in my interests with me. I'm just sick of being bottled up and alone.

  2. #2

    Default

    I guess my first question is, how transitioned are you? Would it be obvious to someone you're interested in, that you are transsexual? I was just wondering if some things are self evident, or not. As for being AB/DL, usually most people date first and get to know the other person. If things look like they could get serious, and more so, if they are getting serious, then explaining what it is to be AB/DL is probably the next step, especially if you want to express these desires in a living condition with someone else.

  3. #3

    Default

    I really haven't started transitioning at all yet I can't do so until I move out of my parents' (which I am currently looking into).

    Do you think I'd be able to find a relationship with all my abnormallies?

  4. #4

    Default

    There's always someone out there willing to accept you!

  5. #5
    noahVmiller

    Default

    yeah until they leave you

  6. #6

    Default

    I think that there is definitely someone out there for you that will be ok with both the trans piece and the DL piece.

    Since both of those are not too common it may just be a bit harder to find someone, but when you do I am certain the love you can share will be quite magical

  7. #7

    Default

    If a diapered guy in a wheelchair like me can find someone to love.you should be fine!

    Although I would recommend a "chick magnet" like a dog ( mines a labardor) this gets their attention on you in a non threating way and breaks the ice.

    My dog is partial to blondest and crotches ( including mine in the morning when I remove the covers he loves a snootfull of my smelly ammonia smelling diaper from the overnight) .

  8. #8

    Default

    Do you know what rhymes with cucumber? - Can I get your phone number?

    Well, kinda like that, just be yourself. Overall, it's less about what you are and more about what you do - how good you can sell yourself in a way of speaking. The harsh truth in this may be that looks matter, you do not fall in love with someones personality at first sight. This just doesn't work.
    But don't get me wrong now either! Of course to a big degree we visualize what we try to look or search for in a person on the outside - on their looks, their behaviour, their visible characteristics in general. Getting to know someone online is a bit different up to the point that it's much more about what your counterpart is telling you. And that's the thing, you can only get to know what you get to know this way for a big part.


    Kinda offtopic, but what I'm trying to get at simply is: It does not matter. It depends absolutely on yourself if you want to tell it and when. Of course it may feel wrong to drag it into an relationship. However, those kind of things are not easily mentioned and explained like: "Oh, and by the way I like diapers, and I'm in the wrong body.".... Yeah. Later on, communication is the key of course, to keep the relationship alive. Otherwise, presumptions may lead to misunderstandings or other problems down the line.
    On the other hand off course there are a lot of people who want to know this kind of things as soon as possible, as they also tend to talk about themselves this way just bluntly. But not everyone is this way, we're all different in a vast majority of ways, so it's always an unique mix of characteristics. So for some it might be no big deal if you confess this at a rather late point, even if you may be together already.
    It only depends on how fine you are about this at any given time. It's your own decision and no one can force you or tell you if it's the wrong time or not, or much too late. Furthermore in the end you also have to consider if it's worth the risk in the end, or if you perhaps may feel like it's not worth it after some time. This may happen.
    My general advice would be to mention it rather late than too early. Chances are someone is more eager to try this on their own if they know you're a lovable person.


    The point of the matter is simply believe in yourself. I know it's hard to be alone sometimes and when it feels like there's no one out there waiting for you. But I think it's important to keep on trying. Even if it's sometimes awkward, even if you may feel like you end up feeling ludicrous or humiliated in a way. Just try to be open and don't hide yourself away. A lot of girls are attracted to shy and cute guys anyway; and are absolutely not into the macho stereotype. But you need to be able to meet people who can look beyond this and so on to get to know you somehow.

    At some point don't be afraid to mention it. Vanilla people often are just afraid to try something by themselves. As far as statistics go, around 10% of vanilla women have had thoughts about bdsm, or similar things, as a fitting example. Not everyone will run away hearing about something unusual, it completely depends on the individual alone how they may react. People are often much more accepting, and curious or maybe eager to try, as we imagine they'd be not.


    But it's up to you. I wish you best of luck and hope that you can find what you're looking for, dearly.

  9. #9

    Default

    Honestly, just be yourself. You find someone that likes you for you and you tell that person what's up. That's what I did. Be confident about it. That's the real ticket. Humans are turned on by confidence. I told my girlfriend about 3 months in and we've been together going on something like 4 years.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by BabyPandora View Post
    I think my social anxiety is lowering to a point to where I can find a girlfriend. But, I'm still self-conscious about not only being a DL, but a transsexual DL. I know transsexuals are able to find significant others, but I'm sure being a DL is less common and a lot weirder.

    So, how should I go about telling potential girlfriends that I'm a DL (and trans)? Do I tell them up front on the first date, a few dates in? And what do I do if she doesn't take it well? I really don't know anything about relationships, I've never had a real one.

    I just want someone to be my true self with. Someone that can indulge in my interests with me. I'm just sick of being bottled up and alone.
    To echo the advice from other members, I must say that being yourself is the best way to meet anyone. I realize this is a somewhat unique situation for you, but as you transition, I imagine you will increasingly become more comfortable in who you are.

    As for coming clean about being a ABDL, I would most definitely wait until things become more serious with the other person. They don't need to know about it right away and they may not want to see you again after you tell them. Of course, this is only if you go the traditional route rather than meeting someone through an ABDL dating site.

    We all want someone we can be true with. I feel like those people are out there, but until then, we need to learn to be true to ourselves first. You'll find someone in due time. Until then, enjoy the single life. As a friend once told me, being single is great because you get the entire bed to yourself and don't have to share snacks.

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