Often I wonder why and how? Why did I start wearing diapers? Why do I like wearing them? How did it all start? How come I can't stop wanting to wear them? What made me want to wear them the first time I did? When did it really start to take effect? What drew me to it the very first time? Anyone else ever feel this way or have these thoughts? I have an accepting wife that knows about my love for wearing diapers yet I feel embarrassed sometimes. I don't know why I feel that way. I've accepted it as part of who I am or so I thought I have. Sometimes I try and figure out what it is about them that I love so much that they keep calling back to me when I give them up for any period of time. I can't figure out why I sit here right now thinking about putting one on and why it sometimes becomes such a struggle to not wear them. They don't control my life or anything like that. I still live normally and do things wearing and not wearing. It's just those times when I have nothing to do that my urge gets strong. Maybe I'm alone with these thoughts. I know I had a good childhood. I wasn't abused. I wasn't forced into anything. Yet I have these desires that I really don't understand.