After some thinking I decided that it is the right time to tell everybody a little about myself and ask some questions.
I am a male DL/AB. I have these feelings since I was probably like 10 years old and during a lot of time I thought I was the only one in the world. Then, Internet came and I found out that I was not alone after all. I got married without telling my wife this part of my life since I thought that marriage will help me to forget and I will be able to live a “normal “life. As you can imagine I was wrong and I separated after 15 years of marriage and 4 kids. Just for you to know, one of the main reasons that I separated was my lack of interest in intimacy.
I spent almost a year living with my brother, but with the help of my therapist, I was able to find an apartment for myself. So, I am actually living alone and use diapers every opportunity that I have (when I am alone at the apartment and while I am going shopping near my place). I would love to use 24/7 but I can’t because I have to work and have my kids frequently.
Nobody in the world knows this part of me, except of course my psychologist. She is very nice and supportive and has offered to buy diapers and helped me to make an onesie. What happen now is that I always want more; I thought that having my own space I will be able to cope with this feelings. But I was wrong again, it is not enough for me to use diapers 4 times a week, to use a pacifier, etc. It seems like this desire to be babied is getting stronger and it is really affecting my “adult” life, including my job. It is some kind of obsession and every time is getting bigger. I would like to have somebody to take care of me, change me, feed me, all the time!!!!. But I know this is impossible. I went to a shrink, and she gave me some pills that helped a little bit, but this is a situation that I cannot control.
So, does anybody fells like it will never be enough? Does anybody feel like it is impossible to be happy? How do you cope with that? Medication?
And also, how do you find the right person to trust?