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Thread: How is AB/DL best explained?

  1. #1

    Default How is AB/DL best explained?

    Hey everybody. I'm making this post because I recently came out to my girlfriend through a stream of rum induced tears. She says she wants to understand this fetish/lifestyle for me so I wanted to ask for some help. I want to know what being an infantilist, adult baby or diaper lover and everything in between means to you. Why do you like it? How important is it to you? And what could someone that loves you do to support you in relation to this?

    I suppose both for everyone here that doesn't know me, which will probably be everyone as I'm not an active member, and for when she reads this, I should introduce myself. My name is (redacted). I'm now 21 years old. I joined this forum back in 2009 and I am for the most part a diaper lover but I do dabble in the adult baby side from time to time. My first experiences with diapers is from when I was very young, perhaps ten when a friend brought over diapers as a joke and I, out of curiosity decided to wear one. And I loved it. To this day I'm not 100% sure what it is about it that keeps drawing me back to them. As many others seem to feel, there is a large element of emotional security felt when I wear a nappy but there is also a large sexual element to it. Some of which comes from the dominant/submissive relationship that's found in a lot of the pornography and stories but I do enjoy wearing around people and knowing that it's your own secret.
    But naturally AB/DLism does have it's down sides. I carry a lot of baggage with me. I have a tendency to recall many insignificant things that I'm ashamed or embarrassed about and they crop up in my mind frequently and make me extremely anxious. And much like this I often get feelings of shame when I think about being an infantilist and it gives my confidence quite a shock. I have hated myself in the past for my feelings and I sometimes still do but often I just think of infantilism as my curse. It's something I carry with me, I hate it and I love it, it makes me sad and it makes me happy. But if I had a choice I would be rid of it.

    Sorry about the lengthy post. I thought this might act as something of an introduction as well as seeking advice
    So please let me know what you think a significant other needs to know about infantilism. Why is it important to you? Do you feel the same way I do or is your experience different? I'm sure any and all insight will be useful.

  2. #2


    For me, it is primarily a stress reliever. There are times it is sexual but mostly I use it as a way to reduce the stress I feel.

    In my opinion, the most significant thing a SO needs to know is that for the vast majority of people, ABDLism is not a fad and will not 'go away'. Yes, it can ebb and flow but it doesn't go away. Another important item to consider is that (like any other activity) ABDL should not be taken to extremes. By this I mean that both parties will need to comprise some.

    Remember, the most important thing is communication -- talk to each other about your wants and needs and be willing to comprise.

  3. #3


    There may be a 101 ways to explain what and who we are, but there are some very good starting places. Before you have "the talk", look up Infantalism on Wikipedia, and "Understanding Infantalism" on Bittergray's site. Having correct information is powerful.

    I had to have this talk with my wife when she discovered my diaper order on Amazon. Needless to say, I was very upset and nervous. I did do my homework, which actually began by making a membership on this site and asking your very same question.

    I waited for an appropriate time, asking my wife for her full attention. I turned off the TV. I told her the diaper order was mine, that I was an Infantalist, and explained what that was. I talked about my childhood and why I thought I felt the way I did. I told her that I've always wanted to wear diapers, since I was 4 years old, and that I started acting upon it by the time I was 6 years old. I told her how it was fetish related, that I had been in therapy for it when I was in college, and how it was a permanent part of who I was.

    I told her it really was harmless, and that it made me less angry and an easier person to live with. Not only was she accepting, but asked me if I had enough supplies, meaning diapers and plastic pants. Since then she has bought me plushies, suggested that I drink from sippy cups, has bought me onsies, etc. It works for us.

    Not everyone is the same, and not everyone is as accepting as my wife. Only you know your girlfriend, and even then, we sometimes don't know our partner at all. You must weigh and balance the outcome and hope for the best.

  4. #4


    I think ABDL is broader than any one person, so your explanation, Mouse, should be about what it means to you, rather than trying to explain the whole thing in general.

    Having said that, I think it can be difficult sometimes to find the words to express yourself, so I hope this thread can help you out. Here are a few things that I've focused on when I've had to explain it to others.

    1. It's about joy. ABDL isn't primarily an "escape," it's not a "coping mechanism," and it isn't a "bad habit." I'd want to wear diapers and be treated like a young child even if I had no problems at all and I was living perfectly healthy every day because it makes me happy. It's just something I love. It also helps cope with problems, but that's a secondary thing.

    2. It really is harmless. Diapers are not a chemical, they're not physically addictive, and they don't cause any kind of long-term conditions as a result of frequent wearing. Also, sometimes people can get a little grossed out when it comes to diapers, or any bodily functions really. But if you're hygienic, shower normally, clean up after using your diapers, and just generally take reasonable care of yourself, it will not smell strongly, be gross, or actually cause anyone harm beyond a bit of diaper rash.

    3. It's something that's an important part of who I am and makes me stronger as a person overall. I dunno if this one is true for everyone, but at least for me, I feel like indulging the little part of me makes me better able to approach the rest of my life. I feel good when I'm diapered, I sleep well with my footie PJs and my plushies. And then I feel good when I have to go out and deal with difficult, challenging things at work or with my family.

  5. #5


    ABDL is a very broad umbrella term that can mean different things for different people.

    1. The one thing that a SO should know about ABDL is that you did not just randomly choose this one day, and that these desires will not go away.

    2. It varies from person to person. I honestly can't say why diapers are an important part of my sexual identity other than "They just are". They just turn me on and are arousing for me. They are important to me because they are just one of many things that make me happy. I can definitely say that I used to have feelings of guilt and shame over this. The best way to get over this is to just get to know yourself, be honest with yourself and your partner, and meet people in the ABDL community, which worked out great for me.

    3. What I would suggest that someone who loves someone who is an ABDL is to listen to them, see why they want this, and to just communicate and work things out. Considering how she wants to know more about this community, I'd say that your girlfriend is doing a great job so far, and if she's willing to learn about this, then just be honest, communicate, compromise, and hopefully it'll all work out for you two.


  6. #6


    As ArchieRoni said, the best way to explain this is to tell how you personally feel about your desires. Any relations are based on trust and there is no better recipe than being honest in your feelings.. As you familiar with the subject since 2009 I assume that you have already read lots of resources about "what abdl is" and "what is not" (checked again bittergray's explanatory Xb). In other hand there is no better way to scare a person than to start from pointing at some articles with generalized explanation..
    I know this from my own experience x_x

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