Little feelings bleeding into reality
Best way to describe what is currently going on inside me.
Two days ago, we had the kids of our friend here again and we had a great time.
She has two girls and one boy, the latter names Tyler.
Of course there was some crying now and then. When I saw Tyler sitting alone in a corner, nobody taking notice I went and comforted him. This seemed to have triggered something inside me. I don't know what it is but since that day I am experiencing anxiety and emotional flashbacks. This scares me to death.
Same day when I tugged my oldest girl into bed, she told me about her own anxiety, how she is afraid of the dark and figures in the shadows.
I couldn't help it. I started to cry at her side. I literally felt what she feels in that very moment and it remembered me of myself at her age.
I think that must have been one of the worst reactions you could possibly have in such a situation. Kind of selfish to mourn at myself when SHE is the one needing comfort. But how on earth could I possibly help her about that when I even can't help myself?
I told her that everyone in this house is loving her from deep inside our hearts and that nothing and no one can harm her when she is at home.
I don't know how credible I appeared; she must have felt my own anxiety as well.
Couldn't concentrate on my job today. I was afraid of my collegues, although I know every single one of them. Couldn't let anyone near me.
Never felt something like that before.
Worst thing was though, when department chief wanted to shake hands. Usually I can ignore my repulsive feelings against touching to show good manners but not today.
I just realized that this should have gone into the mature topics subforum. Posted here since this is related to my regressions. Sorry