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Thread: Signs they would accept me

  1. #1

    Default Signs they would accept me

    So, I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and recently I've been contemplating telling him that I'm an ABDL. I know it's different for everyone, but does anyone know some signs that they might be open to me being an ABDL. I love him and I don't want to lose him because of this.

    Some background knowledge, my boyfriend is a very logical person. Though he can be very expressive, sometimes he seems to just crush his emotions. I actually told him I was demisexual not too long ago (because I didn't realize I was until after we started dating) and he responded with how this would affect our relationship ( that was almost a quote). When I think of telling him, the first response I imagine is 'how is that logical?' don't get me wrong, he's very loving and kind, and he supports me in practically everything I do, but it seems emotions don't always compute. It makes me wary to tell him, but I don't want to keep this a secret even if he doesn't take an active role. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading my post.

  2. #2

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    Asking for suggestions on how people may respond to ABDL may not get very good answers. One just never really knows.



    Quote Originally Posted by Mandychan View Post
    So, I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and recently I've been contemplating telling him that I'm an ABDL. I know it's different for everyone, but does anyone know some signs that they might be open to me being an ABDL. I love him and I don't want to lose him because of this.
    There are not any signs that I know. Open minded people tend to be more open to things. Beyond that, you just have to ask and find out. You can search the forum for other threads on this topic for many other suggestions and discussions. Usually, for romantic relationships, disclosure is recommended befor getting serious. How you reveal is often more important to acceptance than the person's personal opinion of it.

    There are two methods of revealing: full and slow. The first one reveals all at once and sees what happens. This is the all-or-nothing method; either he is ok or not. The other method slowly asks questions and reveals little pieces of information. As he is good with one piece, move to another. This way, you may gauge his opinion and consider one piece before moving to another. You said "ABDL"; this is a large range of things of which you may only do a couple. Which method is up to you. If diapers are important to you, you could start there or build to them. Be confident, understanding of his thoughts and feelings, and go at his path with either method. Let him know this is a part of who you are and important for him to know before your relationship may get more serious.



    Quote Originally Posted by Mandychan View Post
    Some background knowledge, my boyfriend is a very logical person. Though he can be very expressive, sometimes he seems to just crush his emotions. I actually told him I was demisexual not too long ago (because I didn't realize I was until after we started dating) and he responded with how this would affect our relationship ( that was almost a quote). When I think of telling him, the first response I imagine is 'how is that logical?' don't get me wrong, he's very loving and kind, and he supports me in practically everything I do, but it seems emotions don't always compute. It makes me wary to tell him, but I don't want to keep this a secret even if he doesn't take an active role. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading my post.
    If his primary concern is how things affect your relationship, be prepared and answer that question before disclosing anything else. You just want him to be aware so it is not an issue later; tell him up front. This way, he can focus on hearing your message instead of worrying about how it affects things. Logically, what issue would he have? Is he not loving, kind, and supportive? How would this be different? His emotions don't compute because his logic drives his emotions. Make his logic happy with facts and his emotions will be happy.

    Best of luck with your relationship.

  3. #3

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    Thank you for you advice. I'm planning on trying to find some information on the internet that I can refer him to if I can get passed the initial discussion. I'll try and think of a good way to talk to him about it because he is kind and accepting, as you said, I just have to appease his logic to potentially make him open to the topic. Thank you again

  4. #4

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    Like Jeremiah said, some indication to how he would respond to you coming out is for instance how he talks about the LGBT community or his general view on different fetishes.
    My girlfriend didn't know much about different lifestyles or fetishes when I first met her and she usually saw the visual representation of a fetish and was grossed out instead of what emotions and feelings people got from practicing their fetishes.
    What I did in my relationship before i came out to her was to never speak about different fetishes in a negative way and always analyze them together with her in a way that was easier to understand.
    I guess it's a generally good idea to work together towards an open minded view on different lifestyles which could also make it easier for him to understand your feelings.

  5. #5

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    Every one does something to feel good or safe nurtured.
    Some eat then there is those that spend money even many that bite there nails.
    For some being in a little space brings comfort good feeling helping us cope with what life has in store for us.
    Lets say that is a part of us hard wired in.
    By no means our partners are lacking in any way.
    We as littles have a special part of us in side an inner child so to speak.

    We live in two worlds and it takes a very special loved one for us to let in to this part of us.
    No it wont go away or can be fixed its like a birth mark its a part of who I'm .
    I'm giving you a gift of trusting you opening my hart wide open.
    I know I can be hurt but as a partners you matter the world to me.
    I hope my partner feels the same.
    Ask and I will explain .

    So many have tryed not to be a little but it kills the inner self and for some they lose the love of life .
    I tryed 3 years cold turkey but it got to the point for me no joy in being here so I'm a little fun play full .

    I hope this may be of help to you.

  6. #6

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    I actually did try for a while to stop. It didn't last long because though I am afraid of how he would react, I know I cannot deny who I am and how these things make me feel. I know I still struggle with saying the words, but I have accepted and embraced that the feelings will never go away, and I really don't want them to.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandychan View Post
    I actually did try for a while to stop. It didn't last long because though I am afraid of how he would react, I know I cannot deny who I am and how these things make me feel. I know I still struggle with saying the words, but I have accepted and embraced that the feelings will never go away, and I really don't want them to.
    I think you might be asking the wrong question in this thread. You like being an ABDL and you don't like having to keep a secret from your boyfriend. So it's not a question of whether he would accept it or not. You're going to tell him, the question you want to be thinking about is how you tell him and what preparations you can do to make it go as well as possible.

    Since it sounds like he's a practical guy, you want to think about all the effects revealing ABDL could have on both of you. That means you need to think about what you want. Do you want him to participate? If so, what kinds of things would you want to do? If not, when would you wear? Just by yourself, or would you wear diapers around him but not have any expectation of him paying attention to it as long as he's comfortable? Think about what other activities the two of you do? Would your diaper wearing or babying affect those activities? How do you think you could balance all those different things?

    If he wants to know why it makes sense for you, you pretty much need to explain that it doesn't. If he's looking for a medical explanation, it's not well known but is probably linked to the brain imprinting on an object early in life in majority of cases. Other than that, you simply have to explain that it makes you feel good and you're telling him because you care about him, you want to be honest, and you want to work with him to find a way for both of you to be happy together.

  8. #8

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    Though I do hope that he would be willing to participate, I don't want to pressure him into this simply because I like it. I probably was thinking something different when I wrote my first post. My question now is if there is a way to tell him without making him feel like its a make or break deal. Though I would love it if he embraced this side of me, I don't want this to end our relationship if he doesn't. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you for your posts and your advice.

  9. #9

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    Telling him about this is like telling him you would like Sushi for dinner instead of steak. It is how you say it that is more important than the actual message. You are concerned that sharing will end your relationship. If shared out of love and concern for your relationship, this may bring both of you closer.

    BitterGrey has a website ( http://understanding.infantilism.org/ ) that helps people understand ABDL and is sometimes directly referenced when sharing this part of us to others. This site may make it easier to form into words and logic what ABDL means to you and how it is relevant to your relationship.

    When you share, you will need to be controlling your emotions and acting out of logic for him in love. You want him to participate, you want him to not feel it is required, and you want this to not make-or-break your relationship. Therefore, you will want to lay aside those emotions and thoughts during the initial conversation. Focus on how much you love him and accept him. Just share this part of you during the first conversation with no expectations. Allow him time to consider the information and decide how to use the information. Be positive and supportive of him. He will be influenced by your emotions and attitude. If you are negative, he will be too.

    Revealing this secret will begin a whole new topic. Relationships change over time and expect this topic to be the same. By itself, this one thing is unlikely to end things if he really cares for you and supports you. His participation will not be static either unless he completely rejects the whole thing and never reconsiders his opinion. While possible, his logic may reach many other conclusions, or may want more information before even reaching a decision. Again, be supportive of him, attentive to his needs (information, time, etc.), and loving. Let him set the pace and direction.

    Best of luck with your boyfriend.

  10. #10

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    I am a very logical person. Can you explain to me how it is illogical? One of my favorite relaxation therapies is professional shooting sports. Is that any less logical?

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