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Thread: Relationship advice

  1. #1

    Default Relationship advice

    Hi, I don't post too often, but I've been having some feelings about my relationship with my girlfriend that I could use some other opinions on. So we started dating roughly 5 months ago around the beginning of the new semester.

    We were friends for about a month before that. I had told her about my DL side when we were friends. And we talked a lot about things. I had never dared before her and thought I would always end up alone. One night we were hanging out and we kissed and that's how it all began. I was hesitant to date her at first because I had a huge crush on this other girl for a while before her. And I wasn't too attracted to her nj the beginning.

    I decided to give her a chance and in the beginning I was unsure about how I felt. She told me she loved me and I waited until I felt like I loved her too to say it. For a while things were great. We spent a lot of our time together. Sometimes I felt like I didn't get enough time to myself, but it wasn't too bad. We both loved each other a lot.

    Then summer came and we were spending less time together, but she isn't too far away so we see each other a lot. Lately I've been doubting how I truly feel. I love her a lot, but I just don't feel like our relationship will last/work, it's just this thought in the back of my mind sometimes. Maybe I still have some feelings for that old crush. My girlfriend wouldn't let me hangout with her or my other friends in the beginning of our relationship because she was jealous of the other girl, but now she is kinda friends with my friends, she still doesn't like the crush though. We both like eachother's family too. I also feel like I may have lost a little bit of who I am in our relationship. Like I have less time to myself and idk I feel I've lost some freedoms. Another concern is if I've only been with her because she has been so accepting of the DL side of me, but I don't think that is true. Our sex life is good. She has a dark past so it can be tough and emotional to do things with her and she can get hurt and push me away, and when she pushes me away she really wants me to stay, so that can be confusing and stressful and hurt me. But she accepts me and likes the whole diapers thing. We haven't had sex yet because I just don't feel ready.

    I care a lot about her, I just don't want to hurt her. And I don't want to make a mistake. I know I'm really the only one who can answer how I feel. But I guess I'm looking for anyone else's input on my situation. Sorry this may be a little long.

  2. #2

    Default

    Congratulations finding someone accepting you as you are. Those are rare.



    Quote Originally Posted by RunningDL View Post
    We were friends for about a month before that. I had told her about my DL side when we were friends. And we talked a lot about things... I was hesitant to date her at first because I had a huge crush on this other girl for a while before her. And I wasn't too attracted to her nj the beginning.
    I understand your concerns because you had a crush on another girl and was not attracted to her in the beginning. Could you have gotten a crush on the other girl because you do not know her well enough to make an accurate opinion? Is she open minded? Would she ever want you in return? Holding what you have is better than wishing for something else. By the same token, my questions are already answered by your girlfriend. The more you know, the more you see her inner beauty. This new crush has been proven valid. Why not go with it?



    Quote Originally Posted by RunningDL View Post
    Then summer came and we were spending less time together, but she isn't too far away so we see each other a lot. Lately I've been doubting how I truly feel. I love her a lot, but I just don't feel like our relationship will last/work, it's just this thought in the back of my mind sometimes. Maybe I still have some feelings for that old crush. My girlfriend wouldn't let me hangout with her or my other friends in the beginning of our relationship because she was jealous of the other girl, but now she is kinda friends with my friends, she still doesn't like the crush though. We both like eachother's family too. I also feel like I may have lost a little bit of who I am in our relationship. Like I have less time to myself and idk I feel I've lost some freedoms. Another concern is if I've only been with her because she has been so accepting of the DL side of me, but I don't think that is true. Our sex life is good. She has a dark past so it can be tough and emotional to do things with her and she can get hurt and push me away, and when she pushes me away she really wants me to stay, so that can be confusing and stressful and hurt me. But she accepts me and likes the whole diapers thing. We haven't had sex yet because I just don't feel ready.
    Wonderful to hear your relationship is progressing and has continued into the summer. Liking each other's families is another positive sign. Now, there will be changes in your life as you begin to make room for someone else in your life. Everything is no longer only about you. You have less time to yourself because a part of that time is now with her. Same with freedom; a portion is devoted to her. This is natural and expected. Find a healthy balance. Hopefully, she does not require too much freedom or time from you. There are some who expect too much, but it does not sound like this is the case here.

    Now, why are you with her? Is it because she is accepting of your DL side? I should hope that that is at least a part of it. She knows your secret and has shared hers. With you both deciding to be together, that is an excellent start to the relationship. You will never have to worry about her finding out later and rejecting you for it! You mention that is not the only reason. Even better! May I suggest that the real reason you are with her is because she makes your life more complete, more full, more meaningful. You are not alone anymore.

    One concern with your relationship is the matter of that previous crush. This will keep tearing at your relationship until it is settled finally. When you decide to have no feelings for the crush, you will have no feelings for the crush. Your girlfriend will be insecure about your relationship as long as she is concerned you may still have feelings for the other girl. This is worth sitting down and discussing with your girlfriend. Ask her why she does not like the other person. Women are better judges of women's character than men; men get distracted by appearance. Men are better judges of men's character than women; not sure why (not a women). Your girlfriend may be able to share some flaw that makes you never consider having any interest again. Also, telling your girlfriend that you have found your special Lady, have feelings only for her, and will not look anywhere else will greatly improve your relationship.

    As for your relationship working or not working, of course you have concerns. This is new to you and you lack the experience to be confident. Amusingly enough, more past experience with ex-girlfriends does not build confidence in making relationships work. Every ex is an experience in a relationship failing. You have none of those and can focus on making this ONE work. Communication is key! As long as both of you are committed to making your relationship work and last, it will stand strong. Discuss with her what she thinks of the relationship, how strong it is, and how determined she is to make it last. With her assurance, you may confidence in your relationship.



    Quote Originally Posted by RunningDL View Post
    I care a lot about her, I just don't want to hurt her. And I don't want to make a mistake. I know I'm really the only one who can answer how I feel.
    That is how relationships last. Deciding to care for and support each other. Love is a verb which requires action. It is more than just a feeling that may come and go. Solid relationships are built on promises, guarantees, and trust. You are starting out well. Share your feelings with her and listen to hers. May you love and cherish her.

  3. #3

    Default

    Thank you Jeremiah for your help and input. I've got a lot of thinking and talking to do. I think that I want to fix our relationship and try to make it last because I do care about her a lot and I am pretty sure I still love her.

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