Alright, I'm a straight cis male. I'm only 22.
Ever since I was around six, I had this strong desire to be humiliated in diapers and dresses. I loved being a sissy baby. The humiliation is what I crave and desire. Remember that Tom and Jerry episode where Tom was forced into diapers? That got me so excited and I had no idea why at the time.
So, I also have a lot of issues. Was bullied a ton, depressed about life. So I went to therapy. Therapy has helped a ton. I told my therapist that I didn't like these fetishes and that I felt so much shame and fear.
He said I was in a paradox. I like it and don't like it. I asked him if this was like being gay, as if maybe I was BORN this way. He told me it wasn't, and that I learned this fetish. Somewhere, somehow I learned it. Sort of like how a dude can develop a fetish for eating paper if he masturbates to eating paper. You sort of develop desires through your actions. I mean, I would masturbate to diapers. So I got addicted I believe..
He told me that I could choose not to do it. He said it was a choice. He said, "Stop masturbating."
I seriously wonder what would happen if I did that. If I did that for a year, would my fetishes go away? I don't know.
My therapist is a great man and helped me through so much. Its just that these fetishes are kind of funky.
The only reason why I want to quit is because of the future. One day I want to have a family. I mean, a wife...how could she possibly accept these vulgar fetishes of mine. Its hard enough finding a girlfriend...just trying to get a girl to love me and my diaper desires? That is truly hard to find. I'm scared of being looked at as a freak by my love. What if she knew? Would she stop liking me? Its scary to think about.
I adore crossdressing too. I feel as though cross dressing is more acceptable than diapers. I'm okay with cross dressing I think. Its just the diapers that make me feel like garbage.
I'm practically in limbo right now. If I dare accept this fetish as my life, what happens next? Am I seriously going to NEED diapers just to orgasm? That sounds terrible! What if I get stranded on an island...do I need diapers then? This is ridiculous! Diapers are just an object...why do I desire them so much?
Just would like some advice. I've already heard "Accept this about yourself." That kind of advice just stings and doesn't help me. I just want to know about the future. Is it possible to be in control of this? Only need one diaper and not stacks of them? Possible to be okay without diapers at all in my life? Do I seriously need to have diapers in my closet all the time for the rest of my life?
I don't want to depend on diapers just to orgasm. I'm a virgin. If I have sex will my desires go away and maybe change?
I don't want this fetish to consume my life. I want to be free. With diapers I feel like I'm in chains, miserable and afraid.
Do you feel pride or shame in your diaper fetish? Sissy fetish?
I know this is a lot. Thanks.