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Thread: I could really use some advice about this, all of this

  1. #1

    Default I could really use some advice about this, all of this

    Alright, I'm a straight cis male. I'm only 22.

    Ever since I was around six, I had this strong desire to be humiliated in diapers and dresses. I loved being a sissy baby. The humiliation is what I crave and desire. Remember that Tom and Jerry episode where Tom was forced into diapers? That got me so excited and I had no idea why at the time.

    So, I also have a lot of issues. Was bullied a ton, depressed about life. So I went to therapy. Therapy has helped a ton. I told my therapist that I didn't like these fetishes and that I felt so much shame and fear.

    He said I was in a paradox. I like it and don't like it. I asked him if this was like being gay, as if maybe I was BORN this way. He told me it wasn't, and that I learned this fetish. Somewhere, somehow I learned it. Sort of like how a dude can develop a fetish for eating paper if he masturbates to eating paper. You sort of develop desires through your actions. I mean, I would masturbate to diapers. So I got addicted I believe..

    He told me that I could choose not to do it. He said it was a choice. He said, "Stop masturbating."

    I seriously wonder what would happen if I did that. If I did that for a year, would my fetishes go away? I don't know.

    My therapist is a great man and helped me through so much. Its just that these fetishes are kind of funky.

    The only reason why I want to quit is because of the future. One day I want to have a family. I mean, a could she possibly accept these vulgar fetishes of mine. Its hard enough finding a girlfriend...just trying to get a girl to love me and my diaper desires? That is truly hard to find. I'm scared of being looked at as a freak by my love. What if she knew? Would she stop liking me? Its scary to think about.

    I adore crossdressing too. I feel as though cross dressing is more acceptable than diapers. I'm okay with cross dressing I think. Its just the diapers that make me feel like garbage.

    I'm practically in limbo right now. If I dare accept this fetish as my life, what happens next? Am I seriously going to NEED diapers just to orgasm? That sounds terrible! What if I get stranded on an I need diapers then? This is ridiculous! Diapers are just an object...why do I desire them so much?

    Just would like some advice. I've already heard "Accept this about yourself." That kind of advice just stings and doesn't help me. I just want to know about the future. Is it possible to be in control of this? Only need one diaper and not stacks of them? Possible to be okay without diapers at all in my life? Do I seriously need to have diapers in my closet all the time for the rest of my life?

    I don't want to depend on diapers just to orgasm. I'm a virgin. If I have sex will my desires go away and maybe change?

    I don't want this fetish to consume my life. I want to be free. With diapers I feel like I'm in chains, miserable and afraid.

    Do you feel pride or shame in your diaper fetish? Sissy fetish?

    I know this is a lot. Thanks.

  2. #2


    Hey. Full disclosure, I'm not a sissy, but I hope my experience can still help you.

    My kink for diapers is about on the same level as my kink for weight gain. (Also for puppy play, but I don't have nearly as many complicated emotions around that. Or excitement, which saddens me.) And yes, I need one or both of these elements in my fantasies to have an orgasm or to even get going. But it wasn't always like that for me. So that tells me that, in my experience, what I like is going to change and is fluid-- and these two things are something I happen to be stuck on right now. It wasn't always like that for me, though-- for a while I was very ashamed of my weight gain fetish especially. I asked around about how to make it go away. I tried to stop masturbating forever, to see if I could "reset" my libido.

    But the thing about that is-- cessation of masturbating isn't necessarily realistic. Assuming you're not asexual or sex repulsed, masturbation and/or sex are actual needs-- like food and water and affection from another person. Quitting that cold turkey is might just make you more ashamed of your desires when you relapse, make them come back stronger, or worse. My experience is that I've managed to cut down on the frequency of masturbation, and I've started networking to find play partners so that I can introduce another person into my kink and fetish play, get their perspectives, satisfy their needs, and maybe even have sex with them. And it's my hope that I'll grow from this little rut I've been stuck in once I have the perspectives and needs of another person in mind.

    What I'd like to suggest is that you do some introspection as to why you don't want to have these elements of your sexuality. Is it solely because your future, hypothetical wife won't accept them? Is it that you feel pressure to be some other way? Or is that desire something that isn't true to your values or true to yourself? And for that matter, what are your values in relation to this?

    Personally, I can't say I feel pride for my fetishes. I have come out of the shame stage, almost. A negative feeling about my fetishes would be that it stifles me from exploring other things that used to excite me, and puts my body in the habit of only getting excited by a few things-- even though, in my mind, there are other things I relish quite a bit. But one positive feeling is, well, diapers make me happy. I feel at peace, having embraced this part of myself and started on the journey to sharing it with key people in my life, perhaps a future hypothetical play partner or romantic partner. I've learned a lot about myself, as a Little, through wearing diapers and exploring my feelings around that.

    Whatever you do, I'd like to implore you to please not fight with your desires. That doesn't necessarily mean indulging them. When you find them in your mind, observe them. Notice your feelings around them. Notice the trajectory of your thoughts as they come. Don't push it away or cling to it. When you start a fight with something, it will fight back. When you observe it, it will do its thing, whatever that is.

    Hope that helps.

  3. #3


    The thing about fetishes is, like it or not, in most cases they're with you for life. And really there's nothing inherently wrong with fetishes, they're just a quirky little part of human sexuality.

    Don't look on the dark side of the relationship situation. There are multiple members of this site who have accepting partners. It may sound impossible, but it happens. There are people out there who see ab/dl and related kinks as what they are: harmless. As for whether or not you'll need diapers to orgasm, well, you haven't really crossed that bridge yet. You may find that you can enjoy normal sexual activity without them. You may find you can't, but I don't really feel qualified to give advice for that situation, being an asexual virgin myself.

    I wouldn't try to push these desires away. Fighting them does more harm than good. If you need a few diapers in your closet for the rest of your life, who cares? You'll also find that most of the people here do have lives outside of diaperhood. Which goes to show: yes, you can keep the urges at a manageable level. But if you keep fighting them, you'll never have a chance to get to that point.

    I know you said you don't want to read ''accept yourself,'' but it's a rather critical part of the equation. Think of it like this: do you want to keep fighting your desires, worrying about your future, and making yourself miserable? Or do you want to understand that you have a harmless kink? Your fetish is what you make it: it can be a source of despair, or a source of pleasure and enjoyment. It's up to you.

  4. #4


    Up for an experiment? Try masturbating while thinking of some specific something else. (Don't try to not think about diapers. Trying to not think about diapers just results in thinking about diapers.) This will tell you what no one else can, whether you'll need diapers to ejaculate. (Oh, and don't worry about orgasms. Most of what people think they know about them should be dismissed as locker-room hearsay. Ejaculation is an unambiguous, mythology-free indicator.)

    Quote Originally Posted by soursundays View Post
    I like it and don't like it. I asked him if this was like being gay, as if maybe I was BORN this way. He told me it wasn't, and that I learned this fetish. Somewhere, somehow I learned it. Sort of like how a dude can develop a fetish for eating paper if he masturbates to eating paper. You sort of develop desires through your actions. I mean, I would masturbate to diapers. So I got addicted I believe..
    Please understand that there is a difference between accepting that infantilism is a learned behavior, and expecting it to be something that you can unlearn.

    Quote Originally Posted by soursundays View Post
    I'm practically in limbo right now. If I dare accept this fetish as my life, what happens next? Am I seriously going to NEED diapers just to orgasm?
    Sounds like some experimentation is in order. Can you decouple masturbation and infantilism? If so, can you resist your desire to engage in infantilism? If so, would you be happy? Other people can give you answers based on other people, but they aren't you. These are things about yourself that you need to learn for yourself.

    Quote Originally Posted by soursundays View Post
    I've already heard "Accept this about yourself."
    Accept that you'll need to understand your situation and deal with it. This might or might not involve trying to quit. Then, be ready to accept yourself as someone who is dealing with themselves.

    Quote Originally Posted by soursundays View Post
    The only reason why I want to quit is because of the future. One day I want to have a family. I mean, a could she possibly accept these vulgar fetishes of mine.
    This doesn't follow logically. She might be into something much stranger and in need of someone who has the depth of personal insight that you will develop by dealing with your strangeness.

    Quote Originally Posted by soursundays View Post
    Its just the diapers that make me feel like garbage. ... Diapers are just an object...
    The diapers are just things. It might be more empowering to accept that you are making yourself feel like garbage. This is something you might be able to stop.

    Quote Originally Posted by soursundays View Post
    I want to be free.
    Freedom might not be an option. We should be happy that our masculinity doesn't drive us to ram our heads together to the point of starvation as it does in some other species. Understanding and managing our desires might be the best we can hope for.

  5. #5


    I remember seeing that same Tom and Jerry episode and also feeling excited but I did not understand why at the time.
    I don't think that I feel pride or any kind of shame with my diaper fetish or my sissy side but I have accepted it over time though. I remember that I used to feel ashamed of it because I was brought up where guys and girls have roles that they have to play and it is still a topic within my family. Once I accepted both of these things I didn't care about roles anymore.
    I think that overtime you will be able to accept yourself and I think that if you participate in your diaper and sissy side it will help you do that. If you like wearing diapers and cross dressing I say go for it and make yourself happy.

  6. #6


    Stop masturbating? Completely? Not easy, not really a realistic goal, and masturbation is not in and of itself a problem.

    Now, you can keep whatever fetishes you wish, and I don't think most of them are harmful in any way. I also don't think it's harmful to keep them a secret. You say you want a family one day, well, the only one who should be involved in your sexual side is your wife. Perhaps she will join in your fantasies, perhaps not. If she doesn't, and there's a good chance she won't, it's not the end of the world. Keep it to yourself, and enjoy the things you can together.

    A fetish could be a problem if it becomes the ONLY way you can receive gratification. I don't know if that's the case for you. Either way, abstaining from masturbation could be fruitless.There is evidence, though, to suggest that continually masturbating to a certain thing trains your mind to react to that thing in a sexual way; it's how many fetishes develop. You can perhaps train yourself to avoid these activities if they bring you so much distress, and develop more "normal" interests that way.

    In the end, though, you need to do what is best for you. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a fetish, or even this fetish in particular. After all, there are some out there who enjoy giving others pain or fantasize about raping somebody. That's far stranger to me than humiliation or "sissification." And it does not have to stop you from having a normal family life, if you can simply keep it to yourself, which I think is an underrated approach. We all make sacrifices to make a relationship work; there's more to it than sex. If you find yourself unable to enjoy sex without resorting to it, and your lover won't play along, though, you may need to engage in some reprogramming.

  7. #7


    Your therapist sounds like a good man who has helped you a lot but, personally, I think he is full of shit about this being a 'learned' fetish in the sense that you did something to acquire and maintain these desires. You may be interested in reading about 'imprinting' as it applies to human sexual development. This is still just a fledgling science without a lot of research data yet, but imprinting itself is an observable phenomenon in humans and animals.

    You don't say if you are sexually attracted to women. In my case I have a perfectly 'normal' sex drive and am easily sexually aroused by women I find attractive. But in addition to normal desires I also have a diaper fetish, with a slightly sissy flavor, that won't go away. The most satisfying sex has been through conventional (with all the normal kinks) intercourse, but I can't seem to get rid of the desire to incorporate diaper play with lovemaking. This was a major factor in my divorce after many years of marriage so I understand your concern about relationships. The diaper thing will be a hurdle you will have to deal with, but there are success stories so keep in mind that acceptance is not the same as giving up.

  8. #8


    Soursundays, I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with this issue. I can relate in some aspects. I have discovered over the past year since getting married that I am either grey-asexual or in a similar boat as you where involving diapers is really what I need to orgasm.

    It is quite tricky as my wife is supportive of my diapers but would not really want them to be apart of every intimate moment. So that has been a sticky point that we are trying to work on, but she is quite accepting of my desire to use diapers which is very refreshing.

    Also, I have struggled over the last couple of years trying to figure out if I should really indulge in wearing diapers or not. What I have found is the more regularly I wear them and try to work them into my everyday life, the more comfortable and confident I become with it.

    Aside from that I sometimes have the slight desires you talk about being forced to wear sissy items (cross dressing). I have not talked about it with my wife but I am sure someday we will and maybe she will buy a pink diaper cover with ruffles for me or force me to wear a pink dress. I do not have any other xd desires other than that.

    Hope that helps!

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