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Thread: New here and looking for support

  1. #1

    Default New here and looking for support

    Hi everyone! This is my first time on this site and I am a bit nervous. I have had strong draw to baby things and diapers ever since I can remember. It fills me with such a strong sense of calm and security that I can't find anywhere else. This has been a deep source of shame for me and I have literally never told a single person that I like this sorta thing. Can I just have some support around this?

  2. #2

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    Welcome. Support is what the site is here for

    It was hugely liberating (but also nerve-wracking) to begin to share this with others, at first online, and later in the real world. I worked on this for a long time on my own, at first out of necessity (no one else to talk to) and then out of fear/inability to find others who seemed worth talking to. Over the last nine years, I've been able to interact with others and it has made all the difference for me.

    That sense of shame feels like it is intrinsic to you but it really isn't. The realization that this is a strange interest and desire but one that ultimately poses no more personal risk than any other thing you might love is vastly liberating. Your life can begin to be so much better when you can begin to shed that baggage. It definitely creates a different set of hurdles than most people will deal with but everyone has their own peculiarities. The sooner you decide to allow yourself to enjoy this, the sooner things can improve.

    You might also want to make an introduction thread over here so people can get to know you a little better: https://www.adisc.org/forum/forumdis...-Introductions

  3. #3

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    Hey, welcome autumnflame, you found the Adult Baby website where everyone pretry much shares your same interest that you just explained. Don't worry, you are into something that is kinds abnormal, but that just makes you normal. Most people are into something they are afraid to share with others, or are too busy trying to hide it and act like other people's public appearance. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and I know you have the potential to be proud of who you are, diapers and all.

    When I first saw this site, I was going through a lot of binge and purging, and it made me feel awful about myself. Now days I have learned by being here that I can be happy about who I am, and that most of the important people in my life are very accepting of my little side.

    Since you haven't told us a lot about what kind of things you are going through it is tough to say what you might need to hear in order to give support. What else besides self shame is going on, and in your words, why do you feel ashamed of yourself?

  4. #4

    Default

    Hey AutumFlame. In any point of our lives, we've all felt that. I'm here to give you any support you need and encouraging words and advice. If you want a friend, just hit me up!

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    Hey, welcome autumnflame, you found the Adult Baby website where everyone pretry much shares your same interest that you just explained. Don't worry, you are into something that is kinds abnormal, but that just makes you normal. Most people are into something they are afraid to share with others, or are too busy trying to hide it and act like other people's public appearance. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and I know you have the potential to be proud of who you are, diapers and all.

    When I first saw this site, I was going through a lot of binge and purging, and it made me feel awful about myself. Now days I have learned by being here that I can be happy about who I am, and that most of the important people in my life are very accepting of my little side.

    Since you haven't told us a lot about what kind of things you are going through it is tough to say what you might need to hear in order to give support. What else besides self shame is going on, and in your words, why do you feel ashamed of yourself?
    When you say binge purging do you mean to say you have an eating disorder? If so that is quite an coincidence. I have one myself

    And the reason I feel ashamed? Well my parents are HARD CORE Christian's in terms of if you're not straight and have sex in the missionary then you are bad and should be ashamed. So just knowing that I have this and if they were ever to find out, makes me feel awful. It is one of the things that makes me the most happy in this world and knowing that, it feels like I am living a lie almost.

    I am glad though that I found this. You all seem like very kind people.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by kik91 View Post
    Hey AutumFlame. In any point of our lives, we've all felt that. I'm here to give you any support you need and encouraging words and advice. If you want a friend, just hit me up!
    Thank you. I very much appreciate that.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnFlame View Post
    When you say binge purging do you mean to say you have an eating disorder? If so that is quite an coincidence. I have one myself

    And the reason I feel ashamed? Well my parents are HARD CORE Christian's in terms of if you're not straight and have sex in the missionary then you are bad and should be ashamed. So just knowing that I have this and if they were ever to find out, makes me feel awful. It is one of the things that makes me the most happy in this world and knowing that, it feels like I am living a lie almost.

    I am glad though that I found this. You all seem like very kind people.
    Actually that isn't what I meant, but I think it gets used in that context too quite a lot. Here on Adisc, a lot of people say they binge and purge by buying a lot of diapers, using some of them, and then throwing them away out of shame, and a lot of other of their babyish things get tossed. I hope you are able to get some good support for your eating disorder though, do you ever find that feeling like a baby helps you calm your disorder?

    Yeah, my parents were pretty much hard core Christians too, of a kind anyway. They were like yours, in respects to gender identity and sexual behaviors. Some reason I got it worked into my head that wearing diapers was abominable before God, but I was never really able to work that one out right.

    I mean, first of all, the bible says nothing about wearing diapers or wanting to feel like a baby, or even young. The only verse that says anything to the effect is 1 Corinthians 13:11,

    When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
    but you have to remember that the verses previous to it has important context, so, 1 Corinthians 13:8-11,

    Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. 9For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. 10But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. 11When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
    The context is on charity, and how it never fails, and that we must eventually grow up and become charitable. Basically, children are known for sometimes being selfish and wanting to fun stuff all of the time, or "this is my toy". Eventually you need to grow up and think about others too, and give up some of your wealth and time to others. Basically, verse 11 has nothing to do with putting away childish objects, but things as in 'selfishness, complaint, and anything non-charitable'. Conclusion, that verse does not say we can't feel like babies.

    In fact, the bible kind of implies that we should be more like little children. Matthew 18:2

    And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, 3And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
    The context still doesn't mean that everybody needs to feel like a baby and wear diapers to get into heaven, but I do feel like being an Adult Baby helps obtain some of the traits Jesus was looking for. Unconditional love (when you feel the love that somebody shows to you by accepting your weird diaper quirk, it is easier to show love to others who do or have weird or irritating things), simple happiness ( I feel like getting into a little state makes it easier to feel happy over the little things, even if there are big things that make me want to be sad), submissiveness to the lord (being an Adult baby and if you are lucky enough to find somebody to take care of you some times, helps you to see what it is like to put complete trust in others, like you would have had to when you were an actual baby). I think there are probably some other great examples, but in all reality, I'm kinda taking that verse out of context.

    On the more sexual side of things, I don't recall anywhere in the bible that directly condones masturbation, so if you use your diapers for that, I don't see why that is wrong.

    Because of some other reasons in my life, I have kinda become Agnostic/Atheist, but I still went through the huge battle you are probably going through, of trying to figure out if God really cares about you acting on your babyish desires, and I eventually came to the conclusion that it wasn't anything bad. The best you can do with respect to your religious devotions though, is to study other views, the scriptures, and in your mind, and then pray about it. If you go to your religious leaders, I guarantee that half of them will say nothing is wrong with it, and the other half will say something is wrong with it, but have no good reasons, they just think it is weird and weird things don't work. I would highly suggest not talking to your parents about it, the majority of people on here that have talked to parents, got burned bad. The main reason why, in my opinion, is because parents start to panic and wonder if they raised their child wrong and think that your lifestyle is a reflection of bad parenting, so they go nuts. This isn't always the case though, and really is up to you and your needs, and how you think they would react based on other interactions (I'd say if they are homophobic though, then they probably will freak out, It just matches the profile I think).

    I guess that particular issue of your parents finding out is what is largely stressing you out, and what I just said probably isn't much support, but really, if they are anything like my parents (who were kind of mild when I told them) the result of telling them, just wasn't worth it. There are ways of keeping it private to yourself. You can send online diaper purchases to PO boxes sometimes, or at least to a fedex or UPS office for a $5 holding charge, and then possibly store them in your car trunk if you have one available that is privately yours, or other places work too. Keeping secrets from parents is kind of a hard thing to do, and kind of makes you feel guilty, but the truth of it is, you have a private life, and if you can see it as not being harmful to anybody, and not being distasteful to God, then until you see a reason that it breaks one of those two criteria, then you don't actually have a legitimate reason that your parents should know about something that is private and delicate to you. If they find out, and present a reason why you should have told them that appears legitimate, then you can honestly tell them, that you were not aware of that concern, and that is why you didn't think it was necessary to tell them.

    What I would suggest, if you are feeling alone in your real life and afraid of others finding out, is finding a really trusted close friend, and working your way into telling that friend about your AB/DL side, probably slowly to test the ground. It can be helpful to have real life support, but not always necessary for all AB/DL's.

    Otherwise, you will probably find a lot of good support In this particular group forum, https://www.adisc.org/forum/group.php?groupid=327 for christian AB/DL's if you are interested more into that particular topic. As well, you are going to certainly find a lot of help here, and you are welcome to private message me when you get the user rights if you would like.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    Actually that isn't what I meant, but I think it gets used in that context too quite a lot. Here on Adisc, a lot of people say they binge and purge by buying a lot of diapers, using some of them, and then throwing them away out of shame, and a lot of other of their babyish things get tossed. I hope you are able to get some good support for your eating disorder though, do you ever find that feeling like a baby helps you calm your disorder?

    Yeah, my parents were pretty much hard core Christians too, of a kind anyway. They were like yours, in respects to gender identity and sexual behaviors. Some reason I got it worked into my head that wearing diapers was abominable before God, but I was never really able to work that one out right.

    I mean, first of all, the bible says nothing about wearing diapers or wanting to feel like a baby, or even young. The only verse that says anything to the effect is 1 Corinthians 13:11, but you have to remember that the verses previous to it has important context, so, 1 Corinthians 13:8-11, The context is on charity, and how it never fails, and that we must eventually grow up and become charitable. Basically, children are known for sometimes being selfish and wanting to fun stuff all of the time, or "this is my toy". Eventually you need to grow up and think about others too, and give up some of your wealth and time to others. Basically, verse 11 has nothing to do with putting away childish objects, but things as in 'selfishness, complaint, and anything non-charitable'. Conclusion, that verse does not say we can't feel like babies.

    In fact, the bible kind of implies that we should be more like little children. Matthew 18:2 The context still doesn't mean that everybody needs to feel like a baby and wear diapers to get into heaven, but I do feel like being an Adult Baby helps obtain some of the traits Jesus was looking for. Unconditional love (when you feel the love that somebody shows to you by accepting your weird diaper quirk, it is easier to show love to others who do or have weird or irritating things), simple happiness ( I feel like getting into a little state makes it easier to feel happy over the little things, even if there are big things that make me want to be sad), submissiveness to the lord (being an Adult baby and if you are lucky enough to find somebody to take care of you some times, helps you to see what it is like to put complete trust in others, like you would have had to when you were an actual baby). I think there are probably some other great examples, but in all reality, I'm kinda taking that verse out of context.

    On the more sexual side of things, I don't recall anywhere in the bible that directly condones masturbation, so if you use your diapers for that, I don't see why that is wrong.

    Because of some other reasons in my life, I have kinda become Agnostic/Atheist, but I still went through the huge battle you are probably going through, of trying to figure out if God really cares about you acting on your babyish desires, and I eventually came to the conclusion that it wasn't anything bad. The best you can do with respect to your religious devotions though, is to study other views, the scriptures, and in your mind, and then pray about it. If you go to your religious leaders, I guarantee that half of them will say nothing is wrong with it, and the other half will say something is wrong with it, but have no good reasons, they just think it is weird and weird things don't work. I would highly suggest not talking to your parents about it, the majority of people on here that have talked to parents, got burned bad. The main reason why, in my opinion, is because parents start to panic and wonder if they raised their child wrong and think that your lifestyle is a reflection of bad parenting, so they go nuts. This isn't always the case though, and really is up to you and your needs, and how you think they would react based on other interactions (I'd say if they are homophobic though, then they probably will freak out, It just matches the profile I think).

    I guess that particular issue of your parents finding out is what is largely stressing you out, and what I just said probably isn't much support, but really, if they are anything like my parents (who were kind of mild when I told them) the result of telling them, just wasn't worth it. There are ways of keeping it private to yourself. You can send online diaper purchases to PO boxes sometimes, or at least to a fedex or UPS office for a $5 holding charge, and then possibly store them in your car trunk if you have one available that is privately yours, or other places work too. Keeping secrets from parents is kind of a hard thing to do, and kind of makes you feel guilty, but the truth of it is, you have a private life, and if you can see it as not being harmful to anybody, and not being distasteful to God, then until you see a reason that it breaks one of those two criteria, then you don't actually have a legitimate reason that your parents should know about something that is private and delicate to you. If they find out, and present a reason why you should have told them that appears legitimate, then you can honestly tell them, that you were not aware of that concern, and that is why you didn't think it was necessary to tell them.

    What I would suggest, if you are feeling alone in your real life and afraid of others finding out, is finding a really trusted close friend, and working your way into telling that friend about your AB/DL side, probably slowly to test the ground. It can be helpful to have real life support, but not always necessary for all AB/DL's.

    Otherwise, you will probably find a lot of good support In this particular group forum, https://www.adisc.org/forum/group.php?groupid=327 for christian AB/DL's if you are interested more into that particular topic. As well, you are going to certainly find a lot of help here, and you are welcome to private message me when you get the user rights if you would like.

    Absolutely. When I get into my AB gear for once in my life I love my body. I don't think it's too large or too round. It's just right. I can even eat without feeling guilty or bad about myself. It's truly amazing.

    And thank you. There was some much in that I don't even know where to begin. But you made a lot of great points. I have also adopted a more agnostic view with God. I also have this hunch that an all omnipotent being has bigger fish to fry than someone dressing in diapers in their own house. I can't imagine a being of all power and insight being very frustrated over something so small. Because in the end it really doesn't hurt anyone.

    What I am afraid of with my parents is the common misconception that AB/DL is just a synonym for pedophilia which as we all know couldn't be further away from the truth. I have tried to hint at it several times and even with those have still gotten some backlash. It's just one of those things that I don't think my parents will really understand. My mom is still complaining about how gays shouldn't have any rights and if she thinks being gay is weird, she wouldn't take this well. I also have the same fear that if they knew, they would watch my purchases closer than the KGB watched the citizens of the Soviet Union.

    Thank you. Just hearing you talk about it is putting a lot more at ease.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnFlame View Post
    Absolutely. When I get into my AB gear for once in my life I love my body. I don't think it's too large or too round. It's just right. I can even eat without feeling guilty or bad about myself. It's truly amazing.

    And thank you. There was some much in that I don't even know where to begin. But you made a lot of great points. I have also adopted a more agnostic view with God. I also have this hunch that an all omnipotent being has bigger fish to fry than someone dressing in diapers in their own house. I can't imagine a being of all power and insight being very frustrated over something so small. Because in the end it really doesn't hurt anyone.

    What I am afraid of with my parents is the common misconception that AB/DL is just a synonym for pedophilia which as we all know couldn't be further away from the truth. I have tried to hint at it several times and even with those have still gotten some backlash. It's just one of those things that I don't think my parents will really understand. My mom is still complaining about how gays shouldn't have any rights and if she thinks being gay is weird, she wouldn't take this well. I also have the same fear that if they knew, they would watch my purchases closer than the KGB watched the citizens of the Soviet Union.

    Thank you. Just hearing you talk about it is putting a lot more at ease.
    You're welcome.

    Yeah, I honestly don't see why God would care either, it really is a minute thing to care about.

    My parents did watch my purchases. My Dad told me that I was allowed to order stuff online and send it to the house, but that memo didn't get to my mom apparently who ended up intercepting my box of diapers and opening them on purpose, and then guilting me about them. There are good ways though for covering it all up if you have to, and hopefully you can get out of the house soon. You can also go to the grocery store to buy some diapers too which is easier to hide, they aren't as good of quality, but you can often buy boosters for them, or use actual baby diapers to boost them too.

    My opinion on your situation though, is that if this lifestyle is a useful tool for you to avoid an eating disorder, you probably should make it a consistent part of your life to help you keep calm and not fall into your eating disorder. If it can be a healthy simple tool to take care of something that is a disorder, then I'd say you are within your rights and logical standing to make your AB activities a common thing. I found when I was struggling with self acceptance, that I had to make sure I dedicated a specific amount of time/ or time of the week/day that I promised to myself to wear diapers, even if I didn't want to. That way I would force myself to get over the absurd shame, and so I could make it feel more normal, and later, natural.

    You will likely have to go to some great lengths to keep it all hidden though so they don't know, and if you want to talk about that, I'd be happy to help.

    A safe measure that you might want to take too, is if you are going to school, go visit a psychologist, which will most likely be subsidized so you only have to pay a small fee. When you go there you can tell them about your AB side, and I'm betting they will say that it isn't a big deal, at least if they are kind of liberal. If you do that, then you can have it in your pocket if your parents do find out, you can say, "I talked to a professional, and they said that it wasn't a problem and it wouldn't lead to pedophilia." Also, talking to a psychologist is just a healthy way to express some of the issues in your life, knowing that the psychologist is obligated by law not to tell anybody what you have been saying, or they could loose their license to practice.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    You're welcome.

    Yeah, I honestly don't see why God would care either, it really is a minute thing to care about.

    My parents did watch my purchases. My Dad told me that I was allowed to order stuff online and send it to the house, but that memo didn't get to my mom apparently who ended up intercepting my box of diapers and opening them on purpose, and then guilting me about them. There are good ways though for covering it all up if you have to, and hopefully you can get out of the house soon. You can also go to the grocery store to buy some diapers too which is easier to hide, they aren't as good of quality, but you can often buy boosters for them, or use actual baby diapers to boost them too.

    My opinion on your situation though, is that if this lifestyle is a useful tool for you to avoid an eating disorder, you probably should make it a consistent part of your life to help you keep calm and not fall into your eating disorder. If it can be a healthy simple tool to take care of something that is a disorder, then I'd say you are within your rights and logical standing to make your AB activities a common thing. I found when I was struggling with self acceptance, that I had to make sure I dedicated a specific amount of time/ or time of the week/day that I promised to myself to wear diapers, even if I didn't want to. That way I would force myself to get over the absurd shame, and so I could make it feel more normal, and later, natural.

    You will likely have to go to some great lengths to keep it all hidden though so they don't know, and if you want to talk about that, I'd be happy to help.

    A safe measure that you might want to take too, is if you are going to school, go visit a psychologist, which will most likely be subsidized so you only have to pay a small fee. When you go there you can tell them about your AB side, and I'm betting they will say that it isn't a big deal, at least if they are kind of liberal. If you do that, then you can have it in your pocket if your parents do find out, you can say, "I talked to a professional, and they said that it wasn't a problem and it wouldn't lead to pedophilia." Also, talking to a psychologist is just a healthy way to express some of the issues in your life, knowing that the psychologist is obligated by law not to tell anybody what you have been saying, or they could loose their license to practice.
    I am a master at hiding this sorta thing. I have liked this literally since I was five and probably even before that, I just can't remember that far back. But any other tips to help me hide my stuff would be more than appreciated. I already keep all of my baby stuff in my closet which my parents hardly ever venture into and even when they do, I have put blankets or clothes over the boxes so they won't be the wiser. So far it's going alright but I have had a few close calls.

    For sure. I actually just got out of treatment for the second time for my anorexia and one of the biggest reasons I relapsed was because I was trying to suppress this side of me. So not only does it help me manage my ED but it also helps to prevent a relapse in the first place.

    And as for a therapist I already have one. I just recently came out to her about this (thanks to your encouragement) and she didn't even bat an eye. She was actually really curious about it. And boy did it feel good just to tell someone. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It's amazing. And she took it well so I'm glad I did.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnFlame View Post
    I am a master at hiding this sorta thing. I have liked this literally since I was five and probably even before that, I just can't remember that far back. But any other tips to help me hide my stuff would be more than appreciated. I already keep all of my baby stuff in my closet which my parents hardly ever venture into and even when they do, I have put blankets or clothes over the boxes so they won't be the wiser. So far it's going alright but I have had a few close calls.

    For sure. I actually just got out of treatment for the second time for my anorexia and one of the biggest reasons I relapsed was because I was trying to suppress this side of me. So not only does it help me manage my ED but it also helps to prevent a relapse in the first place.

    And as for a therapist I already have one. I just recently came out to her about this (thanks to your encouragement) and she didn't even bat an eye. She was actually really curious about it. And boy did it feel good just to tell someone. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It's amazing. And she took it well so I'm glad I did.
    Oh wow, sounds like you have your ducks in a row then. That is awesome that you have told your therapist already. That will be a good defense if your parents do find out, but I wouldn't expect that they will be happy with it. They might begrudgingly accept your therapists outlook on your little side, but they will probably act on their doubts often. so it is good you have played it safe by keeping it hidden. Have you tried keeping stuffed animals on your bed or something of that nature? Sometimes things like that are pretty acceptable and a good way of still letting people into your hidden self a safe amount.

    Whenever I suppressed my little side, I would relapse into depression, so I can see how your relapse would manifest as anorexia. I'd say the best way you can approach that, is as I said before, make a schedule for yourself where you know consistently when you will be wearing diapers no matter what, even if you don't want to. You could say that you are going to wear diapers every Friday night, and then all other wearing is just bonus time. I really think that forcing myself for the first while was a good way to get over my resistance, and then after a while you don't have to do it anymore because you just don't regret wearing.

    Glad you are good at hiding it. My only suggestion to your current method is to make sure your closet appears clean, that way your mom doesn't go on a cleaning spree one day and say, "I need to clean (AutumnFlame)'s closet, it is such a mess," and then discover your stuff. Also if you use your diapers to pee in, you might like having small trash bags on hand in the case that it is difficult to get them to the trash quickly, sometimes parents notice smells like that and wonder what they are, I was lucky thought because I was next to the bathroom.

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