i am in a very hard moment in my life and hope to find some help or advice here. My girlfriend found out about my still existing abdl side a few weeks ago and since then everything is pretty bad between us. She started playing computer games with other men online most of her free time and refuse to spend any time with me. I tried a few times to get her involved in even watching a film together at the tv , but she always denied it. Since then we are more likely living parallel to each other.
I told her at the very start of our relationship that i have this abdl side in me and she didnt took it very well but after some time seemed ok with it. But after she found out 3 weeks ago that i still have the urge to sometime wear a diaper (which happens rarly) she really freaked out and told me to go to a doctor with it and that it is sick and disgusting. I tried to tell her about my really messed up childhood and the source of why i have it in me, but she didnt want to hear anything about it. It was really tough for me but she told me that she wasnt able to support me, because she is so disgusted of me and the diaper thing. I never asked her to participate in any activities and tried to keep our daily life free from it.
Since she found out i got my university degree and a nice job, but was not able to celebrate any of. So basically im struggeling at the moment to break up with her, even though i really love her and had a good time with her the last 3 years. But i really dont know what to do right now. I told her that i am willing to get help with my adbl side and was active the last weeks searching for a doc to help, but she is neither supporting me with it nor wants to hear anything about it.
Its like she is trying to ride it out and wait until it passes by and im back to functioning "normally" again.
I really dont know what her intentions are here. She cant afford a appartment on her own, because she doesnt earn any money. I took her into my life 3 years ago and she had nothing. So if i would break up with her now, she would have to go back to her father into a small room where she doesnt even has a bed or anything else.
I really hate myself for having all these problems in my life, coming from a childhood with no love or respect for each other. She knows about all of it but rather seems to blank it out most of the time.
Phew, all of that is very hard for me to write down here. I hope this is the right place to find someone who was in a comparable situation and could give me a advice on what to do here or tell me what they did.
I am really counting on your help here. Maybe just to direct me to a different place or a generall life tip. Sorry for my english , i really tried my best.