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Thread: I'm so slow at everything

  1. #1

    Default I'm so slow at everything

    I'm really slow. It's got its good sides and its bad.

    One of the great things is that stuff stays in my head a long time. I can refer to things that happened months or years ago and refer to them as "the other day" and really mean it. Stuff gets mulled over for a very long while. I can keep things in my head for weeks at a time and resume doing whatever it was that required concentration almost instantly, even after a couple months. Day to day life is but a mere flicker.

    I also think really slowly. I can spend an entire day focused on something trivial before coming to a conclusion. Most of it is the old brain being on loop... literally. Just observing the same thing over and over and over again. Again, sometimes it's good, and sometimes it's Hellish. Usually I come to a good conclusion. Other people grow bored at waiting and move on to other things. I can win a standoff by just trying to come up with something good to say.

    That's the thing, though. It takes me so long to do things. I have repeatedly exhausted my dad so much by having him wait on me to want to talk to him that he actually falls asleep before I'm ready! A coworker admonished me for being so pedantic. I was so many years behind asking a girl I was good friends with if she wanted to date she got a boyfriend.

    I like to say things in my own time, and I feel being pedantic with some things (like programming) is a good thing, and I'm really glad that girl's in a healthy relationship, but MY GOD! Nobody else thinks like this. Every time I finally do something, something else has been done already.

    Sorry about the rant and if it wasn't so coherent. I just don't know what to do from here, since the most obvious thing of just going faster won't work... at least not for long. (I've tried.)

  2. #2

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    No, I think you're ot alone. Important things I can't resolve sometimes through the years. The worst of that are economical y family situation...

    No problem with maintennce of my car, but I haven't enough for insurance. And it makes me angry: Can't move me to resolve those problems. And some "plan B" I see as a something real.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by SpottedLion View Post
    I'm really slow. It's got its good sides and its bad.

    ...I just don't know what to do from here, since the most obvious thing of just going faster won't work... at least not for long. (I've tried.)
    Not sure what you would like to hear for responses. Given the information, not even sure what advice, if any, you want or need. Are you deliberate? Indecisive? Anxious? Catatonic? Depressed? Overly stressed? Or just function atypically? Is this a frustration or more of a problem requiring help? Depending on your level of concern and how much it is impacting your life, you may consider seeking help.

    I hear you on being slow and recalling things from the past easily. Spending days pondering "trivial" details comes naturally to me. Getting things completed is something else. I have been planning to build my own alarm clock since 2000, started buying parts in 2012, and hope to finish it next year... It is nice to know that I am not the only one that may be a little slow.

    I agree that just going faster is a poor plan. For me, it is not about the pace, but about how I reach the goal. On road trips, most people take the fastest road and miss all of the scenery along the way. When I drive, I like to take new roads and explore new places. Before a conversation, I used to try to play out the conversation in my mind first to plan what I should say. Now, I briefly consider the conversation, may write down a few key points in advance, and move forward. Asking if my thoughts are helping me reach a goal has really helped me recently get rid of some time-wasters which kept me from moving. Now, I move at the same pace, but am moving forward more of the time. Our path may be different, but that is what makes us unique. Just remember, Sir Isaac Newton saw apples fall (trivial thing) and pondered it long enough to write 3 laws of motion!

    Another thing to ponder is the importance of speed. You mention programming; this relies on quality first! Of what use is 300 words per minute with a 99% accuracy? That would mean 3 errors per minute and hours of wasted time later fixing it. A program may be written fast, may run fast, or may run well; pick one. Then choose the programmer to write the code. The coworker joking about you being slow may be the person who types fast and fixes later. Could you look at how you work and stop doing things that interfere with your work. One such waste of time is listening to that coworker when you could be working? Then again, what really matters is if the boss is happy with your work.

    Now, I have a question. Are you really slow at everything? Is there something that you do surprisingly quick? Are you so focused on some negative parts of your life that you are missing the good parts? Does it even matter how quick you are?

    May you find peace with yourself.*

  4. #4

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    I'm very mildly like that if left to my own devices. Definitely not to the degree you describe so take with salt.

    What works for me is weighing the pros/cons of a bad decision now vs a good decision later. Sometimes it's good to think things over thoroughly, but sometimes you have to go with what you know at the moment and hope it works out. Most of the time it's somewhere in the middle. Framing it in your mind that you are intentionally making a decision without proper thought because you need a decision now makes it easier.

    I too work as a software developer, and this hits us all the time when it comes to design and planning. I believe design to be the most critical part of software development, but you have a deadline, you need time for implementation and testing, and at some point you have to go with what you've got now and pay for the things you didn't think about later or else it'll never happen at all. Imperfect but it's reality in most projects.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by SpottedLion View Post
    I'm really slow. It's got its good sides and its bad.

    I also think really slowly. I can spend an entire day focused on something trivial before coming to a conclusion.

    Just observing the same thing over and over and over again.

    Usually I come to a good conclusion.

    I like to say things in my own time
    These are things that are usually typical of introverted people. Introverts are known for not saying much, but usually it isn't that they don't say much, but that they want to make sure what they say is important and useful. I'm betting that you are an Introverted person, and this part of it just manifests itself more than it does for others.

    There is nothing wrong with operating this way, Introverts like quality over quantity. Quality friendships, quality work done, and quality words spoken. While Extroverts typically like quantity, lots of friends, lots of work done, and lots of things to talk about. As long as it isn't stopping you from being able to hold down a good job in this heavily extroverted world, then I wouldn't worry about it too much.

    I was suggested to read a book, that I have read only a small amount of, It is called, "The introvert advantage," I would suggest you go and find it on Amazon and check it out, If you think you are a very introverted person, It is a good read, at least up to the point I got to.

  6. #6

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    I find myself like this at times I'll ponder something for hours thinking out every possible scenario before giving my opinion. By then everyone is asleep or dead of old age from waiting( lol, not really)
    My wife doesn't mind she believes putting a lot of thought into something is good, she's the same way when comes to being slow at answering people.

    For me and my wife, we're always worried with what people think about what with say when talking.
    Anxiety isn't something easy to live with.

    Sorry for rambling, try not to worry to much about responding or acting slow it's part of the way you are and there's nothing wrong with it.

  7. #7

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    I think what you've shared is fine. As long as you're able to get on in life and have figured out a good way to work with people (and they have a good way to work with you) it's not a problem. You'll make the right decisions when it comes to important things.

    Now, if you feel like the inability to act faster when necessary is a hindrance, there are ways to improve that. I'd suggest starting out by working with friends or family in a low pressure situation to try and get through things quicker. And maybe try things like games or sports that require quick decision-making.

  8. #8

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    Thank you for your replies. Mayhaps it will read a bit better than my initial rant. Sorry if I lost track of who said what at times.



    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    These are things that are usually typical of introverted people. Introverts are known for not saying much, but usually it isn't that they don't say much, but that they want to make sure what they say is important and useful. I'm betting that you are an Introverted person, and this part of it just manifests itself more than it does for others.


    Quote Originally Posted by BoundCoder View Post
    I'm very mildly like that if left to my own devices. Definitely not to the degree you describe so take with salt.
    Tyger'd be pretty much spot on. I'm very, very, very introverted.




    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger
    There is nothing wrong with operating this way, Introverts like quality over quantity. Quality friendships, quality work done, and quality words spoken. As long as it isn't stopping you from being able to hold down a good job in this heavily extroverted world, then I wouldn't worry about it too much.


    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremiah View Post
    Are you deliberate? Indecisive? Anxious? Catatonic? Depressed? Overly stressed? Or just function atypically? Is this a frustration or more of a problem requiring help? Depending on your level of concern and how much it is impacting your life, you may consider seeking help.
    Sometimes it's frustrating but, honestly, I'm way too chill to be bothered by it for long. Lots of deliberation, sometimes just not really thinking much of anything (or thinking the same thing over and over like a stuck record).



    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    Now, if you feel like the inability to act faster when necessary is a hindrance, there are ways to improve that. I'd suggest starting out by working with friends or family in a low pressure situation to try and get through things quicker. And maybe try things like games or sports that require quick decision-making.
    I've been train of thoughting ideas with dad, which is mostly incoherent, so it's not like I'm anxious or nervous about talking about stuff. I just think a while on anything of weight.



    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremiah
    I hear you on being slow and recalling things from the past easily. Spending days pondering "trivial" details comes naturally to me. Getting things completed is something else. I have been planning to build my own alarm clock since 2000, started buying parts in 2012, and hope to finish it next year... [...] Just remember, Sir Isaac Newton saw apples fall (trivial thing) and pondered it long enough to write 3 laws of motion!


    Quote Originally Posted by edward321 View Post
    I find myself like this at times I'll ponder something for hours thinking out every possible scenario before giving my opinion. By then everyone is asleep or dead of old age from waiting
    I'm pondering over something for so long it's become second nature. It's really warped my view on related things. This is probably the only case of too much pondering getting in the way of future employment.

    I spend a lot of time thinking of things from different perspectives. It's probably why I take so long to come to a decision. By the time I've done so, I've pretty thoroughly exhausted everything.

    Of course, I stay awake much longer than everyone else (or is it that I get up hours later?).




    Another thing to ponder is the importance of speed. You mention programming; this relies on quality first! Of what use is 300 words per minute with a 99% accuracy? That would mean 3 errors per minute and hours of wasted time later fixing it. A program may be written fast, may run fast, or may run well; pick one.


    Quote Originally Posted by BoundCoder
    I too work as a software developer, and this hits us all the time when it comes to design and planning. I believe design to be the most critical part of software development, but you have a deadline, you need time for implementation and testing, and at some point you have to go with what you've got now and pay for the things you didn't think about later or else it'll never happen at all. Imperfect but it's reality in most projects.
    I wrote a component program that needed to be fast and thorough. I was praised for time taken to ensure the most reasonably complete compatibility with the actual input data, which ranged from heavenly choir quality to downright malevolent.




    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremiah
    Now, I have a question. Are you really slow at everything? Is there something that you do surprisingly quick? Are you so focused on some negative parts of your life that you are missing the good parts? Does it even matter how quick you are?
    Well, I'm certainly not fast at writing. This has taken around two hours.

    In all seriousness, I'm pretty fast at organization. I'm good at seeing how things fit together with other things and how they can be used to create larger things. But then I have a hard time actually communicating it, so it takes a long time, even though I came up with the idea itself quickly.

    (I feel this is partially unrelated. I do struggle with putting thoughts into words. Oftentimes I just draw blanks (suspiciously aphasia-level blanks) for a while or fumble about with language.)




    Quote Originally Posted by BoundCoder
    What works for me is weighing the pros/cons of a bad decision now vs a good decision later. Sometimes it's good to think things over thoroughly, but sometimes you have to go with what you know at the moment and hope it works out. Most of the time it's somewhere in the middle. Framing it in your mind that you are intentionally making a decision without proper thought because you need a decision now makes it easier.
    Here's where I have a problem. My bad decision now decisions tend to be pretty bad, because of how wild my thoughts are. Sometimes they're actually good, but usually they're not.




    Quote Originally Posted by edward321
    Sorry for rambling, try not to worry to much about responding or acting slow it's part of the way you are and there's nothing wrong with it.


    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremiah
    It is nice to know that I am not the only one that may be a little slow.
    I've found these to be helpful in keeping a healthy attitude about it, especially when I miss things for being slow. Still gets on my nerves, sometimes, and sometimes I feel like ranting. Planetary alignment at its best.

  9. #9

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    SpottedLion, thank you for the well-written reply.



    Quote Originally Posted by SpottedLion View Post
    I wrote a component program that needed to be fast and thorough. I was praised for time taken to ensure the most reasonably complete compatibility with the actual input data, which ranged from heavenly choir quality to downright malevolent.


    Quote Originally Posted by SpottedLion View Post
    In all seriousness, I'm pretty fast at organization. I'm good at seeing how things fit together with other things and how they can be used to create larger things. But then I have a hard time actually communicating it, so it takes a long time, even though I came up with the idea itself quickly.
    I knew you were not slow at everything! Here are two examples you gave where you are quick. Too often, we tell ourselves things in absolutes and forget about when those absolutes are not true. Glad to hear your programs can be fast and thorough. Given your deliberate personality, I expected good programming skills!



    Quote Originally Posted by SpottedLion View Post
    Of course, I stay awake much longer than everyone else (or is it that I get up hours later?).
    Of note, not getting enough sleep will cause you to be even slower and make it harder to make good decisions. Trust me. I was hospitalized for a while because of sleep problems. The biggest piece of advice I learned was from a coworker instead of the medical professionals: At the end of the day, think about the day being done and not about what tomorrow brings. Makes it much easier to fall asleep at the desired time. One suggestion to help is a notebook at the bedside to write down what comes to mind to ponder for tomorrow. That way, it can be left until the next day. Adequate sleep is critical to good health and function. With brains like ours, it may be difficult.



    Quote Originally Posted by SpottedLion View Post
    Tyger'd be pretty much spot on. I'm very, very, very introverted.
    Good to know. So am I. Introverted is not wrong, just the opposite of extroverted. One benefit of being introverted is that a person can work alone on a project without being drained of energy.*



    Quote Originally Posted by SpottedLion View Post
    Sometimes it's frustrating but, honestly, I'm way too chill to be bothered by it for long. Lots of deliberation, sometimes just not really thinking much of anything (or thinking the same thing over and over like a stuck record).
    Awesome! Glad it is not a serious issue. We can all get frustrated when things do not go as expected. When we put so much thought into something, it can add to the frustration. May I suggest watching out for the broken records? They can waste time and cause more frustration. I had to learn to recognize when a thought had reached the end of available information and set it to the side.



    Quote Originally Posted by SpottedLion View Post
    I'm pondering over something for so long it's become second nature. It's really warped my view on related things. This is probably the only case of too much pondering getting in the way of future employment.
    Could pondering over stuff be part of who you are and what makes you an excellent programmer? You and I just have to realize that we cannot always think long about things. Conversations need to be quicker and I have had to practice that.



    Quote Originally Posted by SpottedLion View Post
    Well, I'm certainly not fast at writing. This has taken around two hours.
    ...(I feel this is partially unrelated. I do struggle with putting thoughts into words. Oftentimes I just draw blanks (suspiciously aphasia-level blanks) for a while or fumble about with language.)
    It takes me hours to post a reply and often several people post while I am typing. I am deliberate with my words and punctuation. The key is organizing the thoughts and then matching words. So what if it takes a while. My speed and skill greatly improved being on this forum.



    Quote Originally Posted by SpottedLion View Post
    Here's where I have a problem. My bad decision now decisions tend to be pretty bad, because of how wild my thoughts are. Sometimes they're actually good, but usually they're not.
    Are they really bad decisions or are they ones others would have never considered? There is a difference. Different does not mean bad. Many times, I have researched a decision, thought about all the options, and decided something unique. Everyone else thought it was a bad decision, but it worked well for me. If it works good, is it a good decision?



    Quote Originally Posted by SpottedLion View Post
    I've found these to be helpful in keeping a healthy attitude about it, especially when I miss things for being slow. Still gets on my nerves, sometimes, and sometimes I feel like ranting. Planetary alignment at its best.
    Glad to hear you are trying to stay positive. Missing things for being slow is frustrating, but so is rushing in to bad decisions. Fast thinkers occasionally wish they had waited or thought more. If the opportunity is missed, maybe it was not meant to be.

  10. #10

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    Do not worry friend. I'm rather slow in those respects as well. My mind mulles over things for an entire day but I see it as good because it lets you analyze the situation whatever that may be.

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