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Thread: Admission of me being a sissy

  1. #1

    Question Admission of me being a sissy

    Hi all.

    I'm starting my second-ever online post to ask for opinions as to what you think about my situation as a diaper lover and a sissy, because I've never really been able to talk to anyone about this in the past. After writing this, I've come to realise that this seems slightly incoherent and all-over-the-place, and that it is an extraordinarily long post when compared to what I've seen on ADISC. If you read the whole thing, I congratulate you. Please feel free to ask me questions - they will help me

    Firstly, I would like to say that I'm not so sure I am in love with the word "sissy". I understand why that word is used to describe people with interests and fetishes like myself, but being a 21 year old male who has always been mature for my age, I feel that it's a bit demeaning, and perhaps even condescending. The definition of a sissy is apparently "a person regarded as effeminate or cowardly".

    I don't believe I'm cowardly at all, but I would say that I display traits perhaps regarded as effeminate. I receive practically no enjoyment from the idea of wearing a diaper or item of clothing of young boys, but find it massively thrilling to do the same for girls' items. On that note, I enjoy wearing bras designed for teenagers, but am not sucked in by the idea of wearing a mature woman's bra.

    I can't quite remember when diapers and girl's clothing became such a big hit for me, but I know that it started when I was quite young (in the first half of primary school in New Zealand terms). I remember being friends with a girl in school, and going for a swim at the beach with her. We returned to my house after that swim, and following her departure found that she had left her bikini top and bottom behind. Through some daring and cheeky train of thought, I decided it would be a good idea to try them on, and I felt amazing. It wasn't a feeling comparable to driving fast or kissing a girl for the first time, and sat in some arbitrary space of "feeling alive". In some time following this, some section of my mind began to register this as being "wrong" with respect to what I had been taught was right in a social and behavioural context, and so I told my parents about it. My dad was the one who provided the most feedback, and he was adamant that I should see a psychologist, while my mum remained on the neutral-yet-concerned podium. Not much has changed since then, aside from the fact that I definitely do not see a psychologist, I am aware of what I enjoy and what it means with respect to the world, I can buy my own clothes and diapers, and I know how to keep things a secret.

    To touch down on the topic of sexual preference, I am not and never have considered myself to be gay or have any interest in men beyond friendship (thus am completely straight). My sexuality has never been something that has concerned me or confused me beyond the fact that I have a fetish and attachment to girls' clothing and sanitary items. I have had sex with girls (which I have most certainly enjoyed), and have had more than two long-term relationships. I intend to marry and have children at some future point in my life.

    My interest in girls' clothing items covers panties, bras, skirts, spaghetti-strap singlets, tights, hair clips, and dresses. I mostly find myself wearing girls' panties out of the others, mostly because that's what I find most intimate, and it's something I can wear discretely and without much fuss and hassle. As mentioned before, I only enjoy wearing "girls" underwear, and not that of a woman's. I don't know why this is, and this has never changed. Patterns and pretty designs have always drawn me in, and I have no problem with candy colours such as pink and blue, and find them beautiful.

    My interest in girls' sanitary items covers pads, panties, panty-liners, and diapers (if you wish to consider that in the list). My fascination with sanitary items started when I worked at a farm during intermediate school (called middle or junior high in the US and Canada), when I found pads tucked away in a nonchalant bag in one of the toilets. I recognised what it was, but had never used one. Having put it away only to return to take it out again several hours later, I decided it would be interesting to try one on. I'm unsure as to whether this is because I lacked the knowledge of how to use one or whether I wanted to try something really different, but I stuck the pad to myself instead of to my underwear (upside down, same place). I will admit that this still feels good to this day, but nonetheless that's how it began. Later on when I began to buy my own pads, I used them properly and enjoyed the genuine feeling of doing something just like a girl. Around the time of discovering pads, I also came across tampons in the same place. Not knowing what I should make of them given the fact that I am a biological male, I later attempted to insert them into my rectum, only to find that it was quite painful and uncomfortable, though very exciting to think about as a concept. Later on, I began to use applicators and lubricant to make the process easier and more bearable, but obviously still don't find that it tops pads when it comes to comfort. Nowadays, I don't find myself investing in sanitary products (or many other things), but still enjoy the idea of it, and have never found that to stop.

    One thing that has always frustrated and annoyed me is my sexual attachment to wearing girls' clothing, using sanitary items, and imagining/considering myself as a girl. It isn't the sexual attachment itself which has caused said frustration, but more the fact that it renders itself as a temporary state of mind: as soon as I masturbate, the desire to be feminine and use girls' products reduces drastically, and can sometimes disappear entirely. This was considerably worse when I was younger, but still happens to a degree today. If I have a sexual attachment, I can accept this and work around it by understanding it. If I don't, then my life becomes easier and less complicated on a social front. However, it doesn't seem to be a consistent factor in my life, and leaves me conflicted and confused as to how I should feel about my fetish and the things I do with these items. Do you feel the same on the sexual attachment front? I should note that this is also only to do with "girl" items, and not "woman" items.

    To add to the problem of having sexual attachment, I have had several periods of time in my life when I have had enough of the mercurial back-and-forward of not being able to decide what I want, like, and feel, and have disposed of all girl products as a result. This has happened several times in the past, and has cumulatively resulted in me ridding of a large number of bras, panties, pads, skirts, and so on. Not only has this been financially harmful and emotionally draining, but it has also led me back to the same place every single time - square one of wanting more and more, and being excited by girls' things only to wonder if I'm going to dispose of everything at some future stage of my life.

    One of my long-term girlfriends learnt about my association with panties and bras through admission on my part, and no doubt knew that I was conflicted and embarrassed about it. She was not particularly pleased about this. I shared her displeasure at the time (and still now to an extent), hoping that she would provide some form of acceptance or guidance. She said that I should get rid of it if it was causing me so much trouble, and never go back to it again. I started the process by following her advice, but like a true addict I found myself returning to that infamous square one again. As much as I loved her and as much as I wanted to live a "normal" life where "normal" consists of not changing my mind and having scattered emotions every one/two weeks, I couldn't render the strength and control to follow through with my promise. I still respect her for taking an unbiased view and for putting aside her concern and disliking to the subject as a whole. The point that I take from this portion of my story is that the association that I form with girls' items has overthrown a very strong love I've had in my life, and I see this as a direct result of misunderstanding the cause and reason of this association.

    Enjoying wearing girls' panties and wearing diapers somewhat conflicts with my planned life of having children and a wife some day, and has so far most definitely conflicted with my girlfriends in the past. I have been aware of this for some years now, but have never actioned this thought to the extent that I have not used it as an incentive to stop buying and using things. I have however found that being happy in a relationship and performing sexual activities with girls has somewhat dimmed the need to mess with girls' things, and has even caused me to go through the throw-away cycles mentioned previously several times. This hints to me that my association with the items is used as some form of stress relief, or a gap-filler if viewed from the perspective of a calendar or what makes one happy in life.

    So why do I love girls' things so much? If someone can connect my mind to a human brain calculator and give me the globally correct answer, I would be forever in their debt. I get the feeling that something that happened to me when I was young has caused me to use girls' things as a coping mechanism for periods of time in my life when I feel extra stress and pressure, or when I'm feeling lonely. I'm an only child, so loneliness becomes more likely to be the reason in that regard.

    Along with the association of being gay and sissies (which in this case refers to those who likes girls' clothes), I dislike the common association that I've seen floating around which links pedophilia to sissies. Though I've never discussed this matter in full detail with anyone in the past, I know for a certain fact that having a sexual association and gaining excitement from using girls' items does not link one to being a pedophile. I've worked with teaching children skills in the past (in a proper job for several years), and have never once considered them in a sexual light. My intentions only stem to inanimate objects (i.e. clothing). Although I do find the fact that an item used by a girl is more desirable than unused item, this does not then relay to any desires or intentions with that girl. Paraphrased from a post on ADISC, diapers should not have their designs categorised by the age group that they are targeted towards. I understand why companies work using this method from a business perspective, but I believe that it is morally conducive to upset from a potentially large audience. I'll avoid going on a tangent, and conclude my point by saying that any association from sissy-like behaviour to pedophilia doesn't make sense in my situation.

    One factor that has been a hindering factor in my "storyline" of using girls' items is how I see myself from a third-person perspective. I respect my appearance and how I conduct myself in a public situation. I enjoy wearing relatively formal clothing such as suits, and am also vocally formal. I like to be a father figure to people, staying on neutral and providing unbiased advice to help people when I can. If I imagine what it would be like to see the "me behind the scenes" from the perspective of someone who knew "me as a public figure", I would be somewhat devastated and shocked, and the regard with which I held the father-figure would be somewhat warped. It could perhaps be called a "wake-up from my reverie", which is somewhat disappointing after I've been living as a girl.

    If you are in a similar situation, or you have any questions or comments about what I've written, please let me know! This is very new for me, and it would be nice to not feel alone on this front
    Last edited by drynitesscout; 30-May-2015 at 07:11. Reason: Changing quote to inline text

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by drynitesscout View Post
    So why do I love girls' things so much? If someone can connect my mind to a human brain calculator and give me the globally correct answer, I would be forever in their debt. I get the feeling that something that happened to me when I was young has caused me to use girls' things as a coping mechanism for periods of time in my life when I feel extra stress and pressure, or when I'm feeling lonely. I'm an only child, so loneliness becomes more likely to be the reason in that regard.
    My personal belief is that the phenomenon known as 'imprinting' is responsible for implanting specific sexual desires in us, both normal and abnormal, and there is some research to back this up. It's the most logical explanation I've seen in over 50 years of searching for an answer. It's normal for people in our Freudian age to look for psychological causes for abnormal behavior, but if you read a lot of posts on ADISC you begin to realize that there really are no common background elements that can be pinpointed that would lead to ABDL or sissy desires. I don't believe your desires arose as a coping mechanism but, rather, that our natural sexual drive provides a wonderful distraction from daily problems so it is easy to find temporary relief when indulging in sex. The sex drive itself is no doubt genetic, but the things that trigger or enhance the sex drive are believed to be implanted in our brains in our early development after we are born.

    Imprinting is an observable but, as of yet, not well understood physiological process. It differs from psychological learning in key ways: It tends to be permanent whereas psychological issues can often be cured or modified through therapy. Imprinting occurs naturally at certain times in our early development and does not require the things needed for psychological learning such as a repetitive learning process or traumatic event.

    The binge and purge cycles you describe earlier in your post are normal for people like us whose sexual desires are in conflict with our cultural beliefs. Accept your desires as permanent and try to live your life as best you can with that in mind.

  3. #3

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    From an early age I used to put on some of my mother's clothing. I have no idea why I was attracted but I was. I wear women's panties daily. I do not consider myself a cross dresser but I am attracted to sissy sites on the web.

  4. #4

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    Thank you for your helpful and concise explanation and answer Wikipedia seems to have a nice article on imprinting, so I have some intriguing reading to do over the weekend.

    The most reassuring thing about your post is the suggestion to accept the desires as permanent, but then it remains a struggle to balance the socially "normal" life that I want others to see me living, and the pleasures I indulge in when by myself and needing the comfort, reassurance, and excitement. Per my understanding, this takes time and mental training to build up the correct mindset to allow this balance to be present, so that's what I'll aim for.

    Again, thank you

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by ginger22 View Post
    From an early age I used to put on some of my mother's clothing. I have no idea why I was attracted but I was. I wear women's panties daily. I do not consider myself a cross dresser but I am attracted to sissy sites on the web.
    As per Drifter's reply to the original post, do you think that accepting your desire would be a better course of action for you? I was in the same boat as you for some time, in the sense that I would always visit sissy websites and be thoroughly excited by seeing girls' underwear, and was feeling torn apart by not being able to have and wear my own. Looking back, there was a natural acceptance process that I went through, and I'm glad I did. I can accept that I am a sissy and a cross-dresser, and find no problem with it (especially after Drifter's useful insight). Wikipedia states the following:

    Cross-dressing*is the act of wearing items of clothing*and other accoutrements commonly associated with the opposite*gender*within a particular*society. Cross-dressing has been used for purposes of*disguise, comfort, and as a*literary trope*in modern times and throughout history. It does not, however, necessarily indicate*transgender identity.
    Does this sound like you?

  6. #6

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    You're welcome. I was surprised there aren't more people on this site who have heard about imprinting.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Drifter View Post
    You're welcome. I was surprised there aren't more people on this site who have heard about imprinting.
    I have heard of imprinting from some stage in my life, but I never really made the connection between why I have a fascination with such items and how it came to be, so that certainly shed some light on that matter, and introduces so much sense to the topic.

    Also, I think a large contributor to the reason as to why I (and possibly many others) haven't heard of imprinting is because they don't step outside the boundaries of their own beliefs, and continue to hold on to what they think is right (as regards the reason behind a fetish or behaviour).

  8. #8

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    Hey drynitesscout,

    Your story is all too familiar for me, because I have a lot of the same interests. Women's and girl's clothing, diapers, underwear - pretty much everything you just named. Although I'm not interested in sanitary pads, you're not the only one who is, by a long shot. And I can absolutely relate to the feeling of losing interest and throwing everything out after getting sexual release; I did it many times. (For me, these interests are sometimes sexual, sometimes not).

    I've also wondered for a long time where this side of myself came from. In the end, I have no clear answer. It started around puberty, as far as I can tell, but may have started earlier. But it's not purely sexual either. In the end, I don't know for sure. But after a time, where it came from became less important to me than whether it was OK.

    I think we have a natural repulsion towards appearing different, for fear that we're doing something wrong, or that others will reject us. It's true that these"sissy" desires are different. You realized that really quickly, as do most of us. But why would they be wrong? Are they hurting anyone? I doubt it. Are they hurting us? Again, no. It's just clothing. It's different, but different doesn't equal bad. In fact, we are all weird in some way or another! Even the most "normal" person you know has something about them that's strange. Being different is just as much a part of being human as anything else.

    I know, it's a bit more complicated when other people are involved. You've mentioned this with romantic partners and wanting to start a family. In my case, I was fortunate enough to find a partner who likes this side of me. In general, ABs seem to have the most luck with dating and marrying people who are open-minded in general. As an example, I don't have a foot fetish (and neither does my partner), but if she wanted me to play with her feet, I wouldn't be upset. I'd even find it kind of endearing. It's people like that who would be good partners for an AB or a crossdresser.

    Where this all comes from is still a mystery to me, too. But the mystery doesn't bother me as much as it used to. In the end, it's what you think about yourself that really counts. Hopefully you can stick around here and find some more answers to your questions. We'd love to have you around!

    If interested, you may also like my article on Sissies and (adult) Little Girls: http://www.adisc.org/forum/showthrea...d-Little-Girls. It may give you more ideas as to where your interests came from.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adventurer View Post
    Hey drynitesscout,

    Your story is all too familiar for me, because I have a lot of the same interests. Women's and girl's clothing, diapers, underwear - pretty much everything you just named. Although I'm not interested in sanitary pads, you're not the only one who is, by a long shot. And I can absolutely relate to the feeling of losing interest and throwing everything out after getting sexual release; I did it many times. (For me, these interests are sometimes sexual, sometimes not).

    I've also wondered for a long time where this side of myself came from. In the end, I have no clear answer. It started around puberty, as far as I can tell, but may have started earlier. But it's not purely sexual either. In the end, I don't know for sure. But after a time, where it came from became less important to me than whether it was OK.

    I think we have a natural repulsion towards appearing different, for fear that we're doing something wrong, or that others will reject us. It's true that these"sissy" desires are different. You realized that really quickly, as do most of us. But why would they be wrong? Are they hurting anyone? I doubt it. Are they hurting us? Again, no. It's just clothing. It's different, but different doesn't equal bad. In fact, we are all weird in some way or another! Even the most "normal" person you know has something about them that's strange. Being different is just as much a part of being human as anything else.

    I know, it's a bit more complicated when other people are involved. You've mentioned this with romantic partners and wanting to start a family. In my case, I was fortunate enough to find a partner who likes this side of me. In general, ABs seem to have the most luck with dating and marrying people who are open-minded in general. As an example, I don't have a foot fetish (and neither does my partner), but if she wanted me to play with her feet, I wouldn't be upset. I'd even find it kind of endearing. It's people like that who would be good partners for an AB or a crossdresser.

    Where this all comes from is still a mystery to me, too. But the mystery doesn't bother me as much as it used to. In the end, it's what you think about yourself that really counts. Hopefully you can stick around here and find some more answers to your questions. We'd love to have you around!

    If interested, you may also like my article on Sissies and (adult) Little Girls: http://www.adisc.org/forum/showthrea...d-Little-Girls. It may give you more ideas as to where your interests came from.
    You have absolutely made my day! Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It makes me feel much more accepted and proud to be myself. I trust you'll have a great day too I do have to say that I am jealous of you having a partner who accepts (and shares) your interests, but I suppose no one knows what life will bring next...

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