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Thread: Is it really worth it?

  1. #1

    Post Is it really worth it?

    WARNING THIS POST WILL KILL YOUR BRAIN. CAN YOU SURVIVE?

    None of it makes any sense and it is just random streaming of thoughts from my mind without any real purpose or direction.

    Writing this post because I have an entire day full of exams tomorrow and I haven't been in the mood for studying for any of them.

    I am asking if everything is really worth it once you leave school. I don't know how to phrase the question but everyone always goes on about how brilliant their lives are when they leave school and when they move out of home. It's all about how "free" they are and how much better they've got it once they go out on their own.

    Relating this back to exams, I honestly can't be bothered doing all this rubbish in school is it really worth it. On the other end of the pond, everyone is always also saying how you'll miss school and how they'll be the happiest days of my whole stupid life and all that. If that's true, I think I'll just go and drown myself here and now.

    What is the point? I can't wait that long for my life to get half decent. I can't just go on hoping that one day my life will actually become somewhat tolerable and not a daily endurance test over my resistance to suicidal temptations.

    Everyone here always tell me to go and talk to somebody about depression and whatever but I can't. I could talk to my sister but she's too busy with exams as well and doesn't want to talk.

    I can't just overcome fear or whatever and talk to my parents. I try so hard to talk to them but I physically cannot make my mouth say the words when I'm around them. I just can't. It's not happening.

    You also told me to go and see a therapist or Councillor or whatever. I will NEVER SEE THEM EVER. I saw one once and I would do anything to erase that memory from my brain. They don't help and once I came out of that session I had an urge to kill myself more than i ever have in my entire life. Granted, I lied like a bastard heaps with the Councillor but yeah.

    Wtf is this post about? I don't know but somebody give me advice please ADISC is the only place in the world I can talk. SOMEBODY! PLEASE!

  2. #2

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    Milko,

    I can assure you school is absolutely worth it. Under no circumstances would I have gotten into my career without it. It is hard and looking forward it looks like a long ways off before you are going to be able to justify it and find some happiness. I felt the same way, truly I did. But, you have to be patient (I hated it when people told me that but it is true!!) and work diligently and keep your head held high.

    Life is incredibly hard at times but it makes you stronger as time goes on. You have to keep your eyes on the prize. Look forward to achievable goals, and push for those. Never give up on your dreams and do whatever you must to reach that point. You will get through this and you will succeed. If I can do it, anyone can. Trust me. At any rate, good luck on your exams and stay strong.

  3. #3

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    Hey, Milko,
    If you don't feel you can start up a conversation with your parents, how about writing all your thoughts down and sending it to them, either in email or handwritten, whatever works best.. This could be a prelude to a good discussion and they would know in advance how you're feeling and what's been going on. I've done this myself and it's helpful in putting all the issues on the table and it gives you some control to ensure that you can get all your concerns listed and discussed.

    Good luck with your exams, just do the best you can do. School will improve when you start taking care of your own mental health. You have choices. You have options. It's up to you to take them.

    Secondly, I understand that counselling can be a difficult process, it requires being honest with yourself and with the therapist for it to work.

  4. #4

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    These are my opinions and suggestions, so I'm not saying it's the "right" way, just my suggestions.

    I say it depends on what you want to do with your life, how you're going to achieve it, and what steps you plan to take, as well as your school life.

    While I don't miss school, I do miss some of the things, like a schedule, seeing people every day, and not having to make a future. My girlfriend misses the lack of responsibility and having something to occupy her mind. So while people don't miss school, per se, there are things you come to miss.

    And back to the first part - unless you have a plan for the future it's better to stay at school... Now I know what you're saying "I hate it here! Everything is a butt and you don't remember how much you wanted to leave" but it's a good plan. I was abused every day (I wouldn't be overreacting to say my teachers were like Umbridge, and believe me, I wish I was) but if you don't have a plan you'll just end up bored and probably depressed (not depression depressed, just like... Idk how to explain it)

    Personally, my plan in life is - and always has been (after an archeologist of course) - to create. I'm a writer, an animator and an artist, and I'm going to get there because I know the basics of where I'm heading.

    As for getting good grades - they're good, yes, but unless you're gonna become something like a dr or a scientist, where you kinda need to know shiz, then they're not 100% important. What's important is knowing the right people... Before you get all moody at me - my dad never graduated and I never got the chance (i was in then retard (no offence to anyone who's offended with the word but I perfer it to others due to reasons) class so I never got to do exams, then I left at 17 for animation school) ... I'm not saying you should flunk everything, because you might as well do your best anyway, even if you fail - that's what I do anyway...

    As for therapy... without help - PROFESSIONAL help - you're gonna get worse, plain and simple...I'm not saying you HAVE to see someone, no one can make you do anything but you, but I am giving a suggestion... Why do you have trouble seeing someone? Is it the opening up, talking to strangers, or being face to face? Maybe something else... There's an app "7 cups of tea" which helps me immensely, so maybe that'd be easier?

    Again - these are just my opinions, I'm not saying you have to do anything. It's your life and no one but you can convince you to do something.

  5. #5

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    College taught me so much to aid me in my career as a church musician. I learned to play the big pieces on organ. I sang in both Philharmonic Hall and Carnegie Hall, NYC under conductors like Leonard Bernstein and Leopold Stowkowski. I sang for Martin Luther King's national memorial service. I met my best friend in the world and we still stay in touch. He and I sat at the feet of Simon and Garfunkle because the concert was over sold out at Dylan gymnasium at Princeton University. I have so many incredible experiences that I plan to write another novel about them.

    It's always up to you as to what you get out of college, or anything. You get out of it what you bring to it. I became such a different person once in college. I discovered me, for the first time. I didn't always like "me" because that included diapers and loving another male, but now it's an important part of who I am. As much pain as I suffered during those years, I also had those whom I loved. In the end, they balanced out in the great scale of life.

    It's time for you to embrace life and throw you worries a little bit to the wind. Experience everything you can with an open mind. Be nice to others. Care about others and they will care about you. Give to others and they will give back. It's human nature, and it's what makes us bigger and better.

  6. #6
    D1aperedIncognito

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    What city and state are u in i might be able to help

  7. #7

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    First of all you have to ask yourself if your choice of career is the one that you want to follow. Is it stressing you out this much to cause so much pain? Will You enjoy this career one you get in to an actual job for this career?

    To me it seems that it's not working for you, your grades themselves can speak volumes of your actual interest.

    How is your current living situation? It's it bad enough that ur can ruin your concentration for studying?

    College life portrayed on TV is just fantasy, or rich kids who've pretty much have a silver platter in front of them who get free rides and don't pay for nothing they do making their lives are much easier.

    For others it's a real struggle, it can be the most stressful time of your life. This includes, financial woes, lack of good rest, stressing out over exams and such, and a bad living situation can make this era of your life seem like a dark maze.

    If things are getting out of hand, perhaps you can take a break from school, skip a semester and try to get on your feet and give yourself a break.

    Just remember YOU are #1, you must take care of yourself first and foremost. If something is affecting your well-being, you must fix it.

    From your posts, I can see you are going through a very trying time. Don't take this the wrong way, but you have to make things better for yourself on your own. Only you can make a difference in how you are going day by day. If things that you are doing that you don't enjoy, or you're living situation is fucked, you need to take steps away from it. It may not happen right away, but if you make progress over time, things can change for the better.

    Just to relate, I have TWO vehicles that don't run at there moment. I'm depending on co-workers for a ride to work. I'm supporting my disabled mother and my drug addict sister that hasn't had a job in almost two years. She had a boyfriend move in that I despise so much that I would be happy to tie him up on a tree and put honey on him and let the bees slowly kill him. I live in a place that I rent that is infested with mold, and my landlord pretty much has me in a trap because I can't afford to move out. Before I moved here, I was homeless for two years. Living in methhead and hooker infested hotels just to have a roof over my head. Living in a 18 wheeler with living quarters the size of a closet with a foot of space between the bed and the front seat. Can you imagine living in a place that they measure in inches?

    One thing you need to realize is that life can be a bitch at times. Even though I did go through bouts of serious depression including thoughts of suicide and I still have episodes today. It has taken me to the point of expectation is minimal for me.

    My outlook on life is currently a short plank of a pirate ship with an endless plain of blue. I don't see in to my future very far because I can't picture it. When bad things happen to me, they usually are meet with an "as usual" attitude.

    It takes a lot of courage to keep going. If you have an opportunity ahead of you, you need to take it. Grasp it and know that at the end of this tunnel is a bright comforting light. It doesn't have to be a 6 figure income, the perfect image of family, but something that can make life comforting and livable. You have to put forth the effort to get there because it won't walk over to you. I can tell you that much, and there will be hazards all the way there. You just have to fix it and move on and not look back.

    You have to tell yourself that you ARE going to do this and will do anything you can to make the next step towards this light.

    Only you can make yourself happy, because, no other soul is going to do it for you. They won't even acknowledge your existence let alone give you a lift over a wall out of your reach.

    Just remember to do what makes you happy. Follow your own interests instead of other's.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Milko View Post
    WARNING THIS POST WILL KILL YOUR BRAIN. CAN YOU SURVIVE?

    None of it makes any sense and it is just random streaming of thoughts from my mind without any real purpose or direction.

    Writing this post because I have an entire day full of exams tomorrow and I haven't been in the mood for studying for any of them.

    I am asking if everything is really worth it once you leave school. I don't know how to phrase the question but everyone always goes on about how brilliant their lives are when they leave school and when they move out of home. It's all about how "free" they are and how much better they've got it once they go out on their own.

    Relating this back to exams, I honestly can't be bothered doing all this rubbish in school is it really worth it. On the other end of the pond, everyone is always also saying how you'll miss school and how they'll be the happiest days of my whole stupid life and all that. If that's true, I think I'll just go and drown myself here and now.

    What is the point? I can't wait that long for my life to get half decent. I can't just go on hoping that one day my life will actually become somewhat tolerable and not a daily endurance test over my resistance to suicidal temptations.

    Everyone here always tell me to go and talk to somebody about depression and whatever but I can't. I could talk to my sister but she's too busy with exams as well and doesn't want to talk.

    I can't just overcome fear or whatever and talk to my parents. I try so hard to talk to them but I physically cannot make my mouth say the words when I'm around them. I just can't. It's not happening.

    You also told me to go and see a therapist or Councillor or whatever. I will NEVER SEE THEM EVER. I saw one once and I would do anything to erase that memory from my brain. They don't help and once I came out of that session I had an urge to kill myself more than i ever have in my entire life. Granted, I lied like a bastard heaps with the Councillor but yeah.

    Wtf is this post about? I don't know but somebody give me advice please ADISC is the only place in the world I can talk. SOMEBODY! PLEASE!
    Milko,

    A lot of people have said the truth here, although I do have a few things to add.

    First off, people say that high school will be the best years of your life, although it is a half truth at best, for some high school will be the best, for other's it won't be, and that it will only get higher from there, let's be honest, I won't say my situation was worse than yours because I don't know if I can relate but the one thing I can say is this, it's okay that you are coming to us, because we can help you, also the one thing I can say is this, people who peak in high school, are the ones who 9 times out of 10, sad and lonely, and even so why think that way?

    Also, Suicide is NEVER. THE. AWENSER. If your are feeling that way you should get help, there are numbers to call and websites to go to, I may not know them off hand but I can help you know.

    Also, know this God loves you, and you will get through this, and I will prey for you, also I wish you good luck on your finals and Kittyhugs.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Milko View Post
    Everyone here always tell me to go and talk to somebody about depression and whatever but I can't. I could talk to my sister but she's too busy with exams as well and doesn't want to talk.

    I can't just overcome fear or whatever and talk to my parents. I try so hard to talk to them but I physically cannot make my mouth say the words when I'm around them. I just can't. It's not happening.
    Alright Here is what I suggest. Write down on paper how you feel and then go see a therapist on campus.(or anyone else you can trust for that matter) Let them know how you feel and that you simply lack the ability to speak your mind through words then hand them the paper instead of just talking. Will that make it easier for you? If not tell me in detail why. I have survived my own suicide attempt so I know how you feel. Obviously you need help so what's getting in the way of you getting help? Please notice that I'm aware that you just said you can't make yourself talk because of fear but would there be anything else besides that which could get in the way possibly? I know you're scared and I don't want to just make a good suggestion and leave the job half done because of something anyone here would not know about possibly. What's scaring you so badly? I have no background to work with here so I don't know for sure what is causing the problem but I think I can offer a lot of advice that will help.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by accepted View Post
    Alright Here is what I suggest. Write down on paper how you feel and then go see a therapist on campus.(or anyone else you can trust for that matter) Let them know how you feel and that you simply lack the ability to speak your mind through words then hand them the paper instead of just talking. Will that make it easier for you? If not tell me in detail why. I have survived my own suicide attempt so I know how you feel. Obviously you need help so what's getting in the way of you getting help? Please notice that I'm aware that you just said you can't make yourself talk because of fear but would there be anything else besides that which could get in the way possibly? I know you're scared and I don't want to just make a good suggestion and leave the job half done because of something anyone here would not know about possibly. What's scaring you so badly? I have no background to work with here so I don't know for sure what is causing the problem but I think I can offer a lot of advice that will help.
    If I'm perfectly honest, i have no clue why I'm so scared but ever since I can remember, I've never been able to talk to my parents when I needed help or anything. Or anyone else for that matter. I'm only just starting to get kind of okay talking to my sister but I still struggle lots. For some reason just thinking about talking to anyone makes me feel really shaky and nervous and kind of sick.

    I could never go back to another Councillor or whatever as long as I live. The atmosphere is horrible and everyone is always smiling at you but you know they're all just looking down on you.

    Oh and I have tried writing letters but all it leads to is a long boring speech about how my parents love me and all that rubbish. Usually full of lies and not really worth listening to.. It never goes anywhere and just leads to a few days of awkwardness and then everything is back to how it was. Nothing is ever solved.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Entropio View Post
    As for therapy... without help - PROFESSIONAL help - you're gonna get worse, plain and simple...I'm not saying you HAVE to see someone, no one can make you do anything but you, but I am giving a suggestion... Why do you have trouble seeing someone? Is it the opening up, talking to strangers, or being face to face?
    I have no idea but since the day I was born I've never been able to talk to anyone about anything.
    Last edited by Milko; 29-May-2015 at 09:15.

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