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Thread: Experiences telling a spouse?

  1. #1

    Default Experiences telling a spouse?

    Okay, so obviously telling my wife before marriage would have been the ideal choice, but now I'm almost 11 years into my marriage and have three kids. I honestly thought I could suppress the desire after I got married. As you all know, that's almost impossible to do. I was wearing in secret after a year of being married. Also, I am a diaper lover only, not an AB if that makes any difference. I would like to hear from those who told their spouse about the diapers 5+ years into marriage and how their reaction was. I also would like to know how you approached the subject because I doubt "guess what? Your husband loves to wear diapers and wet them" would fly in a normal conversation. I really need help because I want to tell her but I can't find the courage. My wife is really vanilla when it comes to th bedroom so I can't imagine her actually understanding this, let alone accepting this.

  2. #2

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    Well... If you don't know how she'd react, try asking her casually... Maybe an AB documentary comes on, or maybe you see a diaper commercial or something like that; off-hand wonder about the concept and gauge her reaction. Give it some time to sink in though, because a negative initial reaction doesn't necessarily mean she wouldn't be willing to try with a bit of time and patience... That said, idk her so idk if she'd ever be up with it or not.

    I'm not the best at giving advice, but that's my suggestion.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by PaddedInPuyallup View Post
    Okay, so obviously telling my wife before marriage would have been the ideal choice, but now I'm almost 11 years into my marriage and have three kids. I honestly thought I could suppress the desire after I got married. As you all know, that's almost impossible to do. I was wearing in secret after a year of being married. Also, I am a diaper lover only, not an AB if that makes any difference. I would like to hear from those who told their spouse about the diapers 5+ years into marriage and how their reaction was. I also would like to know how you approached the subject because I doubt "guess what? Your husband loves to wear diapers and wet them" would fly in a normal conversation. I really need help because I want to tell her but I can't find the courage. My wife is really vanilla when it comes to th bedroom so I can't imagine her actually understanding this, let alone accepting this.
    As members on this site, we always say someone should tell their spouse about this before they get married, but honestly, that's a lot harder to do than it seems. It's so easy to just keep putting it off. Like you, I thought I would just give up diapers and wetting, etc., when I got married, and for several years I did. But it just builds and builds. There were times I felt like a predator, waiting for a few alone hours to wet my underwear. After several years and three children, we moved. I had Fridays off and so I used that day to clean house and wear and enjoy diapers.

    Eventually my wife's health failed and she was home. Sneaking diapers became more difficult and more frustrating. Eventually she discovered a diaper order and I had to tell all. I was terrified, and that's how I discovered this site. I asked for advise and everyone said, just tell her, which is what I had to do.

    In my case, she was very accepting and asked if I had enough supplies. Since then, everything has been wonderful in that regard. I'm sitting here diapered as I type this, in bed with my wife. My situation is probably different from others, however as I'm her dialysis partner and now, caregiver. She's diabetic and does home dialysis. Last September her right leg was amputated below the knee.

    The thing is, that we're a team. We support each other. We're both flawed in that she has significant health problems and I like wearing diapers and regressing. We compliment each other and we're there for one another. But shouldn't every marriage be like this, with or without problems? We don't fall in love and come into relationships as perfect people, but with quirks and imperfections. We pledge to marry for better or for worse.

    When all is said and done, you're the one who knows your wife best and how she might accept seeing her husband wearing a diaper. It's easy for us to say, you must tell her because it's only fair to both of you, but we don't have to live with the consequences. You do, so this must be your decision. You've lived with this for a long time so you understand the balance between having your need to wear diapers balanced against your wife's happiness and well being. I wish you the best in all of this.

  4. #4

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    There have been many tv shows with actors wearing and/or referencing diapers. There's a thread here about diapers in popular culture. Watch one of the shows together and see how she reacts. If she says "gross" then I wouldn't tell her. I didn't start wearing until long after we got married and my wife has said that a man in diapers (I think she means AB, but still) is just not manly. So I have a little secret, but I don't indulge much anyway.

    Bottom line: You know her best. You said she's vanilla so I doubt she would understand.

  5. #5

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    Padded...

    My wife and I had been married for 10 years, together for close to 18 before I told her. I had been sneaking around for all of that time and, with the exception of a few close calls, she was never the wiser. The thing is, I knew my days were numbered before I got caught so I just told her one night. She took it very hard, and things were touch and go for a couple of days.

    My argument to her was that I am the same person that she has known for almost 2 decades. She is a logical person and with some rationalization, she became ok with the knowledge. Don't get me wrong, she is not happy about this, even today. She is totally uninterested in participating, in fact, she doesn't even want to know. We have a child so discretion is imperative.

    Six years later our relationship is normal as ever. The subject comes up periodically. She is always uneasy, and reminds me how she is uninterested in knowing and participating. (I never ask).

    My situation means that this will be my secret for ever. I don't regret not telling her earlier in our relationship. She is also a vanilla when it comes to the subject of sex, so introducing this any earlier would have just complicated things. I wasn't trying to be deceitful, it was just something that never seemed like a good idea to bring up.

    My family is the most important thing in my life. I make choices with that in mind.

  6. #6

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    For what it's worth, I am not looking for her to participate in my diaper wearing. I would just like her to understand and to be aware that I do wear so I don't feel like a criminal when I wear behind her back. But if she surprised me and was okay with me wearing around her, that would be great. Anything more than that would be amazing.

  7. #7

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    Seriously you should confide in her. Get it right in your head and find the right time. It's kinda like having a puke....once it's out there's no stopping it. But that's ok. The hardest part is breaking the ice so to speak.

    I personally think you've got it easier not being AB. I think that's way harder for people to get their head around.

    Honestly, having your partner know is so much better. I seriously doubt you'll have too many probs. it won't be easy at first but she'll get there if she loves you.

  8. #8

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    My wife took it extremely well, we had been together 15 years (12 years married)

    While she does not understand my need for diapers, she does understand liking being cuddled and looked after.

    She is extremely supportive of me and introduced me to ADISC and also my AB side (I had only ever considered myself DL up to then). My wife now diapers me and gives me bottles etc. occasionally we also have baby nights when the kids aren't around. She also joined ADISC herself.

    I personally couldn't ask for more, but it is different for everyone and it is always a risk telling somebody else. I know that I was extremely worried when I told my wife. I printed out a list of weird fetishes from the Internet and told her I had one. She was very glad it wasn't the one about drinking blood. Probably not the best way to tell someone, but I was stumped for a better way.

    Our fetish does not hurt anyone, but it could be seen as emasculating us.

    It is up to each and every one of us to weigh up the pros and cons and know that it can go very badly.

    Good luck PaddedInPuyallup if you decide to go ahead and tell her.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by ozbub View Post
    It's kinda like having a puke....once it's out there's no stopping it.
    What a nice analogy. But yeah, I agree with you ozbub.

  10. #10

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    I too stopped when I got married and was "ok" for 8 years. Then the binge cycle hit worst then ever.
    I was terrified of telling her. I went to counselling, found this site, and found BabyMitch YouTube thread on abdl.
    Shortly after that I was with my wife and she started holding me like a baby and doing the cutchy-coo thing and I broke down and started crying. I told her and took her over to the computer and played Baby Mitch's video. We talked for about three hours after I had her help me put on a diaper and hold me.

    We came to an understanding and set boundaries.
    I honor those boundaries and all has been well.

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