Itís been a while since I posted on here and I thought Iíd write some on my current situation and the journey Iíve been on to get here.
In June 2014, I met the person that would become my FT mummy. We started as friends, even considered a sexual relationship together but eventually settled into our roles as mummy and child. As our unique and inimitable relationship grew, we spent more and more time together. By Christmas of 2014 we talked about moving in together. We spent 3 months finding a place for ourselves and in April, we moved in.
Mummy is here whenever I need her; for cuddles, soothing, talking about things that worry or scare me, feeding time, nappy changes, play time, nap time. Not a day passes where I donít feel like the luckiest baby in the world.
She also helps me to explore my little side and his fantasies, needs and desires. Mummy is confident and calm Ė a stable tower of support and unconditional love for little BlankieLover. When I am my adult self, she also helps me explore my crossdressing side and in doing so, has led to my greater acceptance of myself and my longing to be in womenís clothes. Mummy has taken me shopping for dresses, helped me try them on, showed me all her make-up and fashion secrets and lets me express myself in this form as I wish. Soon we want to go to crossdressing events, adult baby events and fetish clubs Ė things Iíve never experienced before.
She also looks after other babies and together we have built a baby room complete with full size cot, changing mat, clothes, toys and books. I get to sleep in the cot while Mummy sleeps next door with the baby monitor on in case I wake up wet, hungry or cold.
My life now is fast becoming more and more authentic with who I am. Itís a far cry from the toxic shame I used to carry with me about my AB and sissy sides, the binge and purge cycles and the self-loathing. For others struggling to accept their AB or sissy sides, acceptance is possible; I even bought (but never used) some supposed ďre-patterningĒ thing designed to remove unwanted sexual desires. I was so ashamed, confused and angry that I wanted rid of my desires. Of course, this was a totally unhealthy approach and anyone purporting to ďeraseĒ desires, sexual or otherwise is morally bankrupt. Thank goodness I didnít even attempt to use it and probably cause myself even more distress.
The futureís looking very bright for me and mummy; I feel Iím standing on the verge of something very big and exciting, a new world of healthy self-expression and fun.
Hugs & Kisses,