Hey, it's me again. I'm just thinking, as you know I live with my grandmother and my younger brother, whose a massive jerk and has a hair trigger, anyway what you don't know is that I was in a bad situation beforehand, with my mother, when I was younger, (not getting into details, for obvious reasons.) and my stepmother, and my brother was the first to get out of that and into my grandmother, which was good but I stayed behind for about a while longer, until I came out of it. (Again, not going to specifics, for obvious reasons.) Anyway, because of that, I admittedly looked up to him, even though I'm the older brother of the two, because he was always braver and stronger than me, and I'm supposed to be the braver and stronger one, the one my younger brother looks up to, and not feel like the little brother when I'm not, the fact is this, I'm not as brave as I want to be, I'm as skinny as a rail, and I'm a total pacifist, plus I care way too much, and that's why I feel I sabotage myself because I'm not where I want to be, I feel like stairs sometimes, and I rather go to my room, where I can be save, were my diapers, and/or act like a baby girl, a cat, or a dog, or a combination depending on the day, and/or play video games, and draw and run away from it all, The only time I am brave is when he's not here, and when I try when he's here, I fail, except when my grandmother helps me, but still I really am not brave and I'm supposed to be the braver, older brother, out of the two, and I'm not and it's sading to me.