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Thread: Question

  1. #1

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    I have not been on ADISC for months - trying to hold my marriage together, this is a common thread if you check some of my previous posts. Well, things are still pretty bad and I need some advice. My wife thinks all of our problems are founded in the diaper usage. Maybe she is right but my gut feeling is that is not quite true. What I can't get my head around right now goes something like this....

    So, I say I am not happy right now. Not happy with our marriage. Maybe she is grumpy often when I get home Maybe I think she is overly critical. Oh, and there is the diapers also - maybe I am sad she will not participate more in that side of me. So, I say I am not happy and want things to change. Her standard answer is that only I can be responsible for my own happiness. Yeah, I get that this is a Psychology 101 textbook answer but isn't there more too it than that? She says if I am not happy I should look elsewhere and give up on our marriage but I still don't feel ready to do that. She goes to counseling two or three times a week and I think that as far as she is concerned she is the one doing all the work. I go sometimes and sometimes to couples counseling. But seriously, we often leave in a worse state than when we arrived. I honestly think sometimes there is the possibility of too much counseling, does anyone know what I am saying? Well, this is a kind of a weird post but think I will leave it as is to see if anyone has any comments!

  2. #2

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    Has she ever read any articles or anything to try to understand this side of you?

    If she's not there emotionally, it's likely she's given up on everything. She doesn't 100% understand,and it seems she doesn't want to understand. Of course you can just get rid of the fetish and all and if things work good, but, she'll always have that "what if" lingering around the back of her head and be doubtful.

    If you don't see her coming to terms with the fetish that you simply can't give up, you both have a decision to make.

    You have to ask yourself if it's worth giving up the fetish, or most likely be in a stale relationship in the first place.

    You can simply show her the grown up side of you of whatever she was attracted to, show her that you are and were the same guy then and now.

    If nothing is going to work then it's probably in both your interests to move on.

  3. #3

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    It sounds like there might be an underlying issue. Do you know what she wants? I don't mean you giving up diapers, I mean more fundamentally, what does she want? Does she want a man who protects her and takes away the cares of the world? Does she want romance and excitement? Does she want routine and normalcy? What did you promise each other when you got married?

    My sense is you know what you want and are unhappy because there are parts of you that aren't being fulfilled. But I think you need a better sense from her to figure out if there's a way to make this work out or if there's some fundamental incompatibility here.

  4. #4

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    Since all the above respondents have shared their excellent insight, I only have this to offer. In my opinion, most wives would have a lot of difficulty accepting that their husbands want to live like a baby, wearing and using diapers and all that goes with regression. My wife is one of those exceptions, but I also keep her alive as her dialysis partner and responding when she goes low blood sugar. Some women can accept us, but they're in the minority.

    I think if you want to save your marriage, you have to take diapers and regression out of the equation, at least for a while and see how your wife responds. If there are still problems, then you will know that it's more than just diapers. My suspicion is that it is, but until you distance yourself from diapers and regression, you won't know. Just consider it a half year experiment. If you can't live without diapers, than perhaps you both should go your separate ways. This is just my nonprofessional opinion, but I think it's worth trying.

  5. #5

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    It sounds like she is getting the support she wants from you through therapy, and is kind of exasperated with you. "You're responsible for your own happiness" is the kind of thing someone says when they are deciding to be an individual and not be weighed down by their partner.

  6. #6

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    Interesting, I think you are spot on with that. The question is how to recover things and whether or not I can be happy without the diapers. Thanks!


    Quote Originally Posted by Rheeer View Post
    It sounds like she is getting the support she wants from you through therapy, and is kind of exasperated with you. "You're responsible for your own happiness" is the kind of thing someone says when they are deciding to be an individual and not be weighed down by their partner.

  7. #7

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    Maybe the diapers aren't as much of a problem as you think. It could just be a pile-on issue from someone who is already a little exasperated with you.

  8. #8

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    Well, she did read one thing. I have been trying to encourage her to read more but she is not that interested and still views most of the online resources with a good deal of suspicion! I don't know if I can give it up - I don't know if I want to. I don't think she really expects me to give it up but I wonder if it is not like drinking to an alcoholic - one either does or doesn't, there can be no part time. I do think I am like this with the diapers even though I have only tried to give up once and that was a terrible time in my life! If I am doing diapers then they are on my mind and I will be constantly thinking about how my wife could be involved. So, sometimes I think that it really is the only way - if I am to save my marriage - for me to give up completely even though she says she does not want that.



    Quote Originally Posted by MeTaLMaNN1983 View Post
    Has she ever read any articles or anything to try to understand this side of you?

    If she's not there emotionally, it's likely she's given up on everything. She doesn't 100% understand,and it seems she doesn't want to understand. Of course you can just get rid of the fetish and all and if things work good, but, she'll always have that "what if" lingering around the back of her head and be doubtful.

    If you don't see her coming to terms with the fetish that you simply can't give up, you both have a decision to make.

    You have to ask yourself if it's worth giving up the fetish, or most likely be in a stale relationship in the first place.

    You can simply show her the grown up side of you of whatever she was attracted to, show her that you are and were the same guy then and now.

    If nothing is going to work then it's probably in both your interests to move on.
    - - - Updated - - -

    Actually I think I do know what she wants. She wants me around more, some kind of normal sex life, she wants to feel loved and needed and all the other stuff people, especially women, need from a relationship. I have tried to give her more of these things but then I just get frustrated because I don't get what I want (sounds very childish when I put it like that) and so eventually I start drifting away and disconnecting again. I think that is a pattern I have seen many times.



    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    It sounds like there might be an underlying issue. Do you know what she wants? I don't mean you giving up diapers, I mean more fundamentally, what does she want? Does she want a man who protects her and takes away the cares of the world? Does she want romance and excitement? Does she want routine and normalcy? What did you promise each other when you got married?

    My sense is you know what you want and are unhappy because there are parts of you that aren't being fulfilled. But I think you need a better sense from her to figure out if there's a way to make this work out or if there's some fundamental incompatibility here.
    - - - Updated - - -

    She says she doesn't want that although I suspect she is saying that because she doubts I can do it and / or knows that it would be a significant amount of stress and anxiety on me. This is all true, of course. But maybe it is still the only thing to do. As I said in a separate reply to somebody else in this thread, for some people like me perhaps this is an all-or-nothing issue. Like drinking and smoking, some people can do so in moderation and never have a problem whereas others become hopeless addicts. Maybe the same is true of diaper usage. Maybe I am unable to restrict it to once a week on my own - instead I crave my wife's involvement with role play etc...



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Since all the above respondents have shared their excellent insight, I only have this to offer. In my opinion, most wives would have a lot of difficulty accepting that their husbands want to live like a baby, wearing and using diapers and all that goes with regression. My wife is one of those exceptions, but I also keep her alive as her dialysis partner and responding when she goes low blood sugar. Some women can accept us, but they're in the minority.

    I think if you want to save your marriage, you have to take diapers and regression out of the equation, at least for a while and see how your wife responds. If there are still problems, then you will know that it's more than just diapers. My suspicion is that it is, but until you distance yourself from diapers and regression, you won't know. Just consider it a half year experiment. If you can't live without diapers, than perhaps you both should go your separate ways. This is just my nonprofessional opinion, but I think it's worth trying.

  9. #9

    Default

    Then maybe the problem is more fundamental. Maybe you need to decide whether you like wearing diapers or your wife more. And that's not some shitty ultimatum, that's just taking the argument back to its core.

  10. #10

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    Sounds like you know her! Things have happened in the past few years that have caused this exasperation. Mainly my excessive drinking and all the knock-on problems associated with that. But I have been sober for over a year and I really feel good about my life right now. I am absolutely content with my sobriety and will never drink again. She doesn't like the diapers but she will tolerate them. She would prefer I was not interested in diapers. For some reason - going back to childhood probably - I have trouble with this lack of acceptance. If I put a diaper on and then she glares at me I take it very personally. It is kind of like this... I already feel very self conscious regarding the whole diaper issue so it is almost like I need some reassurance from her that it is okay - instead I get the opposite. I think that is a big problem for me.


    Quote Originally Posted by Rheeer View Post
    Maybe the diapers aren't as much of a problem as you think. It could just be a pile-on issue from someone who is already a little exasperated with you.

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