This is kind of a personal thing that I really need to get off my chest, I'm a secretive kind of girl, I'm not really open to others about my problems, but I feel like I'm losing touch of reality, I'll talk about it slightly here.
Lately I haven't been feeling so well, menatlly and physically, I've gotten to the point where I'm walking to a sepcific place and I would just have this weird senesation its hard to explain, but it feels like a dizzyness or like I'm going to faint feeling and everything around me seems like its not real, its there but I feel like its not, I really feel out of touch of reality, I feel like I'm non existient, its a terrible feeling, I have panic attacks daily, so this might be reality to my anxiety supposibly, I get to the point that I feel like I no longer have control over anything and that I will faint, of course I never faint, but it feels like I will.
Another issue is, every day I'm alive, I feel more and more miserable, its like a sadness I can't control, one person gives me a dirty look, I am really sad for the rest of the day, sometimes its days on end, just a terrible hopeless empty feeling.
Every single day, I walk around feeling empty and hopeless, I lie to myself telling me that everything is alright its clearly not, my grades are awful, mostly E's I can't concitrate and I can't sleep.
I feel like no one likes me, I'm surrounded by idoit attention seekers at school, literally every single person I know is a self centered jerk, they do something stupid its cool, but as soon as I do it, I'm the jerk, how does that work, I'm constantlly backstabbed, I cannot trust anyone, and fear that I will be abused or used, so i just keep quite, because I don't want to hurt on the inside.
My so called freinds tell me to stick up for myself, but when I do, if its one of there freinds, they threatan to hurt me, how stuffed up is that, I have physical scars from my so called freinds, they always have a way of twisting peoples minds around and making themselfs look like the innocent one.
People constantlly understimate my intelegence, ruin my reputation which I have none already, and never have anyone treat me nicely.
There is way too much for me to write about on here, I really have to get this stuff off my chest.
I've been like this for a few years now, it feels like its getting worse and worse.
What is wrong with me??