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Thread: Losing touch with reality.

  1. #1
    cozycandyfly

    Unhappy Losing touch with reality.

    This is kind of a personal thing that I really need to get off my chest, I'm a secretive kind of girl, I'm not really open to others about my problems, but I feel like I'm losing touch of reality, I'll talk about it slightly here.

    Lately I haven't been feeling so well, menatlly and physically, I've gotten to the point where I'm walking to a sepcific place and I would just have this weird senesation its hard to explain, but it feels like a dizzyness or like I'm going to faint feeling and everything around me seems like its not real, its there but I feel like its not, I really feel out of touch of reality, I feel like I'm non existient, its a terrible feeling, I have panic attacks daily, so this might be reality to my anxiety supposibly, I get to the point that I feel like I no longer have control over anything and that I will faint, of course I never faint, but it feels like I will.

    Another issue is, every day I'm alive, I feel more and more miserable, its like a sadness I can't control, one person gives me a dirty look, I am really sad for the rest of the day, sometimes its days on end, just a terrible hopeless empty feeling.

    Every single day, I walk around feeling empty and hopeless, I lie to myself telling me that everything is alright its clearly not, my grades are awful, mostly E's I can't concitrate and I can't sleep.

    I feel like no one likes me, I'm surrounded by idoit attention seekers at school, literally every single person I know is a self centered jerk, they do something stupid its cool, but as soon as I do it, I'm the jerk, how does that work, I'm constantlly backstabbed, I cannot trust anyone, and fear that I will be abused or used, so i just keep quite, because I don't want to hurt on the inside.

    My so called freinds tell me to stick up for myself, but when I do, if its one of there freinds, they threatan to hurt me, how stuffed up is that, I have physical scars from my so called freinds, they always have a way of twisting peoples minds around and making themselfs look like the innocent one.

    People constantlly understimate my intelegence, ruin my reputation which I have none already, and never have anyone treat me nicely.

    There is way too much for me to write about on here, I really have to get this stuff off my chest.

    I've been like this for a few years now, it feels like its getting worse and worse.

    What is wrong with me??

  2. #2

    Default

    Here is what is wrong with you: It hasn't gotten better yet.
    It will get better, but it'll take time, and it can be a hard struggle.

    In school, most of my friends were not people I had picked myself. They were classmates and neighbors, that sort of thing. Once I was done with school I realized that a lot of my so-called friends were downright toxic people, and I stopped hanging out with them and started hanging out with people that were more like me.
    My new, self-made friends are a whole lot better friends than any classmate ever was.

    About losing touch with reality, that feeling is very odd in deed. I've not experienced it that much, but it has been unsettling when it has happened.
    Maybe you should talk to someone about it? Someone that knows a whole lot more about brain chemistry than me?

    As for the rest, I offer you someone to talk to: Me. I might be a bit of an old fart, but I've been in a similar place to where you are, and I've survived it.
    Hell, I've more than survived it! I'm thriving!

    So yeah, if you want, shoot of a private message to me, and we can talk here, on Skype or whatever.
    I'm sure this thread will be flooded with similar offers of assistance fairly quickly. We're all friends here, it seems!

  3. #3

    Default

    Hello, cozycandyfly,
    It's hard to see anything positive in the world when you feel depressed, and everything in your post shows signs of depression. The loss of pleasure over the things that made you happy, feeling that no one like you, and a disassociation from the world. The fact that you have been able to cope with these feelings for so long on your own shows strength of character, but you can't and shouldn't have to deal with these feelings on your own.

    A number of people here at Adisc have experienced similar feelings so you will find lots of support here. I've always found that being ABDL can cause overwhelming feelings of isolation and loneliness on top of everything else going on in our lives. You are not alone.

    I would encourage you to go to the 'Articles' section on the home page and click on the top article for suicide prevention helplines. There you will find a list of helplines in your country so you can speak to a person who is experienced in helping people deal with depression or suicide. Take care of yourself, make the call, and we will continue to help get you through this.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by cozycandyfly View Post
    This is kind of a personal thing that I really need to get off my chest, I'm a secretive kind of girl, I'm not really open to others about my problems, but I feel like I'm losing touch of reality, I'll talk about it slightly here.

    Lately I haven't been feeling so well, menatlly and physically, I've gotten to the point where I'm walking to a sepcific place and I would just have this weird senesation its hard to explain, but it feels like a dizzyness or like I'm going to faint feeling and everything around me seems like its not real, its there but I feel like its not, I really feel out of touch of reality, I feel like I'm non existient, its a terrible feeling, I have panic attacks daily, so this might be reality to my anxiety supposibly, I get to the point that I feel like I no longer have control over anything and that I will faint, of course I never faint, but it feels like I will.

    Another issue is, every day I'm alive, I feel more and more miserable, its like a sadness I can't control, one person gives me a dirty look, I am really sad for the rest of the day, sometimes its days on end, just a terrible hopeless empty feeling.

    Every single day, I walk around feeling empty and hopeless, I lie to myself telling me that everything is alright its clearly not, my grades are awful, mostly E's I can't concitrate and I can't sleep.

    I feel like no one likes me, I'm surrounded by idoit attention seekers at school, literally every single person I know is a self centered jerk, they do something stupid its cool, but as soon as I do it, I'm the jerk, how does that work, I'm constantlly backstabbed, I cannot trust anyone, and fear that I will be abused or used, so i just keep quite, because I don't want to hurt on the inside.

    My so called freinds tell me to stick up for myself, but when I do, if its one of there freinds, they threatan to hurt me, how stuffed up is that, I have physical scars from my so called freinds, they always have a way of twisting peoples minds around and making themselfs look like the innocent one.

    People constantlly understimate my intelegence, ruin my reputation which I have none already, and never have anyone treat me nicely.

    There is way too much for me to write about on here, I really have to get this stuff off my chest.

    I've been like this for a few years now, it feels like its getting worse and worse.

    What is wrong with me??
    I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It hit really close to home for me because just about everything you described was exactly how I used to feel when I was in High school. It was the worst my sophomore year when I was using drugs to cope with my inner demons, and then it sort of came and went in varying degrees of waves hitting me at random intervals in my life and causing me to just feel... nothing. Just so numb, lost and apathetic. There were so many issues going on in my life that I didn't think I would ever feel 'normal' again (whatever the hell that was). I felt like I was constantly in the wrong place at the wrong time and I just couldn't break out of this monotonous and hopeless dream. Suicide was always at the end of the my fingertips, just barely beyond my grasp, yet always a possibility. I was willing to try anything to feel something other than this terrible nothing. Anything that would just make me feel human again. Anything that would just make me feel again.

    I questioned whether this was indeed a path with a destination or simply a merry-go-round which lost its luster long ago in childhood. I was a reject by every account and waded through the sea of deluded people lost and adrift. They all seemed so unrealistically happy, so foolishly caught up in the dream that all this meant something. I felt as though I could finally shatter blissful ignorance by realizing this dream, yet I could not awake from its fog. Where would I go though? I couldn't go back into the delusion of the dream for it's facade was now shown. And I couldn't break free because I didn't know how.

    There was no one to turn to who actually understood this state of transition, so troubling in its lack of belonging, of security, of songs sung from the soul. The singing had ceased long ago, replaced by a discordant tune that worked itself into a frenzy that culminated into... nothing. A silence. An uneasy quiet, sans harmony or peace.

    But for me, it got better. As you leave school you will start to see life in a whole new perspective, but it doesn't happen overnight. It requires you to fix your ruined self-esteem that has been eroded away from the stresses and senselessness of life by replacing those with your passions and meaning for life. At any age, it is particularly difficult to find meaning in your life, yet it is pivotal to give you that hopeful courage to fight on to see another day. And another. And another until you're winning the fight and are now enjoying the journey.

    People get so caught up in one particular destination that they forget how to enjoy the journey they're on. I believe it's due to constantly being told to think about the future. We are all so focused on crafting our futures that we don't enjoy our present. We begin to forgot that our presence has meaning, and we must surround ourselves with those people who realize and appreciate our meaning in life. For you, CozyCandyFly, living in the present may be too painful to endure, at first. But trying to take little steps towards it every day is so important. It requires you to start implementing positive, stress-relieving and meaningful things to your life slowly but surely as if you are changing your diet.

    I love music. And I love going on walks. They both clear my head and I can walk for hours with my MP3 just getting away from all the BS of the world. When you find ways to recharge yourself, you will be better equipped to deal with the stresses of life. When you take care of your body through diet and exercise, then take care of your mind through challenging yourself intellectually/academically, and take care of your soul by performing acts that give you purpose and meaning, you will find that things start falling into place in your life. All of these concepts help each other if you look at them with the right mindset. Here's a website that discusses the 'Six Dimensions of Wellness'. Please give it a look and analyze which of these may be lacking or imbalanced in your life. That could give you proper direction on what you need to fix.

    Part of adding positive influences to your life however, also entails removing negative influences. You should know who your real friends are and aren't. Don't feel obligated to have to hang out with anyone you don't want to. If they are becoming toxic to you in any way, shape or form, then you have to learn to let go and stop being friends with them. People who push negativity your way are going to continue to do so as long as you let them. Standing up for yourself is one way. Finding out how to not let it affect you is the better one.

    I could almost write a whole book on what you've provided here alone, but I'm sure you have more specific questions to my generalized answers. If you ever need help or just someone to talk to, please feel free to send me a PM or just use this thread and I'd be happy to listen and help.

    Take care, CozyCandyFly. Know that ADISC is here for you.

    -BigKid

  5. #5

    Default

    Hi, not sure I can help much except give you support. There seems to be some good advice already given, and I'd agree that things probably will improve on the people front when you leave school. I would recommend that you speak to someone though, even if it's a local GP or the school counsellor it would be confidential and at least they could give you advice about what steps to take. Oh and also keep talking to us, even if it's just having silly fun. That's what we're here for.

  6. #6

    Default

    What you are feeling could be one of the two things below.

    Distorted Reality due to Anxiety anxiety symptoms distorted-reality

    Or it could be something completely separate from your anxiety called Depersonalization/Derealization disorder.

    I would suggest reading both links to see if either of them might fit you.

    I know how hard Anxiety can be on you, as well as Panic attacks and Depression.

    Is there someone who you can talk with about all this? Ya, I know, and I felt the same way, but let me tell you just find someone, you will be so much better off. Its not some miracle cure, its not a cure at all, but it will help you. It has helped me, so take this from someone who has been there, and still in a way is.

  7. #7
    cozycandyfly

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by MandyBear View Post
    What you are feeling could be one of the two things below.

    Distorted Reality due to Anxiety anxiety symptoms distorted-reality

    Or it could be something completely separate from your anxiety called Depersonalization/Derealization disorder.

    I would suggest reading both links to see if either of them might fit you.

    I know how hard Anxiety can be on you, as well as Panic attacks and Depression.

    Is there someone who you can talk with about all this? Ya, I know, and I felt the same way, but let me tell you just find someone, you will be so much better off. Its not some miracle cure, its not a cure at all, but it will help you. It has helped me, so take this from someone who has been there, and still in a way is.
    Not really, I'm more of a girl of pride, I don't like being open about things, I for one do know I have anxiety, never been diagnosed with it, however it became apparent with the muscle twitches, constant worrying and constant panic attacks.

    As you see, I've never been to a GP for my problems because I don't like being open about these type of things due to stigma, and that talking to a doctor will just make me more stressed out, "mostly because of anxiety and worrying about dates and such"

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by cozycandyfly View Post
    This is kind of a personal thing that I really need to get off my chest, I'm a secretive kind of girl, I'm not really open to others about my problems, but I feel like I'm losing touch of reality, I'll talk about it slightly here.

    Lately I haven't been feeling so well, menatlly and physically, I've gotten to the point where I'm walking to a sepcific place and I would just have this weird senesation its hard to explain, but it feels like a dizzyness or like I'm going to faint feeling and everything around me seems like its not real, its there but I feel like its not, I really feel out of touch of reality, I feel like I'm non existient, its a terrible feeling, I have panic attacks daily, so this might be reality to my anxiety supposibly, I get to the point that I feel like I no longer have control over anything and that I will faint, of course I never faint, but it feels like I will.

    Another issue is, every day I'm alive, I feel more and more miserable, its like a sadness I can't control, one person gives me a dirty look, I am really sad for the rest of the day, sometimes its days on end, just a terrible hopeless empty feeling.

    Every single day, I walk around feeling empty and hopeless, I lie to myself telling me that everything is alright its clearly not, my grades are awful, mostly E's I can't concitrate and I can't sleep.

    I feel like no one likes me, I'm surrounded by idoit attention seekers at school, literally every single person I know is a self centered jerk, they do something stupid its cool, but as soon as I do it, I'm the jerk, how does that work, I'm constantlly backstabbed, I cannot trust anyone, and fear that I will be abused or used, so i just keep quite, because I don't want to hurt on the inside.

    My so called freinds tell me to stick up for myself, but when I do, if its one of there freinds, they threatan to hurt me, how stuffed up is that, I have physical scars from my so called freinds, they always have a way of twisting peoples minds around and making themselfs look like the innocent one.

    People constantlly understimate my intelegence, ruin my reputation which I have none already, and never have anyone treat me nicely.

    There is way too much for me to write about on here, I really have to get this stuff off my chest.

    I've been like this for a few years now, it feels like its getting worse and worse.

    What is wrong with me??
    You know, those feelings of having no control over your body are the same feelings I have too. I get them every now and then. I have panic attacks in my sleep. I wake up and feel like I'm In the middle of a heart attack. My whole entire body feels numb.

  9. #9

    Default

    I've been there CtheBunny. My wife even called the ambulance. What cured it was a change in jobs.

    I have to agree that these are the classic signs of depression. I first thought that they were the signs of having a psychotic break, but those come on all of a sudden, usually caused by a traumatic event or a series of events. You said this had been going on for several years, so that points to depression. If it's interfering with your quality of life, and it sounds like it is, big time, you really should see a doctor, because it can get worse and worse.

    I do similar things like BigKid. I walk, ride my bike, listen to music and make music on my keyboard. I find that I have to keep myself busy or I'll slip into depression. I have talked to my doctor about this and he suggested medication, but I declined. I don't think I'm there yet and I don't want to change my overall outlook on life. I'm afraid I might stop caring, caring about writing, playing piano, or even biking. There are good parts of my life.

    I hope you can either find good parts of your life and emphasize them, or find ways to make good things happen. If not, you may want to seek medical help.

  10. #10

    Default

    I can get the pride thing. Kind of... I'm not sure if "pride" is the right word at least for myself. But I saw a psychiatrist once for something (referred by my Dr), and it was one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever done. I don't enjoy talking about being depressed... or anxious. For me it's less of a pride thing and more of a "I have no reason to feel these things, so I'm just pathetic for feeling them"... and I wind up judging myself while also imagining the person I'd be talking to judging me.

    I don't know really how to get around that sort of thing, if that's a similar issue for you. I'm 35 and still the same way. I cope in my own ways... self medicate (nootropics etc)... spend a lot of time alone... read a lot... etc.

    I have a hard time committing to the idea that "it gets better" as some universal truth, though I realize why people say it... I mean what else are you going to say to someone in that situation That being said, for me, honestly, it *did* get better in its own ways... mainly due to the fact that I have more options to deal with it on my own as an adult than I did as a child/young adult. e.g. if you're worried about friends or family finding out, you can easily seek help without their knowledge... whatever kind of help that may be.

    So I have a hard time offering any real advice... I mean, you *should* see a medical doctor and voice your issues... which will get you referred to a psych likely (but not necessarily)... and if so you *should* feel free to shop around for one that you feel is beneficial to you... but like I'd take that advice.

    For me, reading helps... listening to other peoples' experiences and solutions and pitfalls etc. You can get that from a variety of locations if you look. I mean there are people on tumblr that I follow that aren't blogging all the time about depression/whatever, but will pop out an interesting post about it from time to time.

    That and finding things you enjoy and forcing yourself to do them. (Which sounds odd maybe, but I think a lot of people that have issues with depression can relate.) e.g. I'm fascinated by parasitology and when I notice I've gone awhile without listening to my favorite podcast on it or reading a book on it, I make myself do it. It feels like work to start it, but then I get wrapped up in it and feel better.

    On the friend front, obviously it would behoove you to find a better circle of friends. Quality over quantity and all that jazz. Once you're out of school you'll have more of an ability to self select those you associate with. It's a blessing and a curse. For some people, school is great because it's provides friends to you on a platter. After school, depending on how intro/extroverted you are, finding friends can be more work, but either way, you can gather and drop people as you see fit more than you could in school (and typically with fewer consequences).

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