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Thread: We tried...

  1. #1
    Gemmy

    Default We tried...

    So, my husband and I tried to come to an agreement, on a schedule, to make things work, so I'm not binging, and dealing with this in a healthy manner.

    My husband at first when I told him initially, was against it as a lifestyle, but was turned on by it as a kink, and just didn't understand my AB side.

    After getting help from people on this forum, we came to what we thought was a reasonable compromise. I'd have my regression days 2 days a week. He even went so far as to play "Daddy" for me. I won't lie, even though he wasn't comfortable with it, I had a really great time the 2 days last week. He cuddled with me, and watched cartoons, gave me my pacifier, set out stickers papers and crayons for playtime, spoonfed princess-shape spaghettios, gave me a bubble bath and diapered/changed me before tucking me in with a warm bottle of milk and a bedtime story.

    Now as my planned days are coming up this week, he's been seeming really depressed. He rarely gets into a low mood ever, letalone a low mood that lasts for more than a few hours, so seeing him like this the last few days has been worrying me.

    So we talked about it.

    He says that he doesn't know how he can deal with a partner who has an infant side to them. He says that since I opened up to him about it, it's been a cause of great stress to him, and our relationship, because even when I'm not regressing, he's dreading the time that I come to regress.


    Now before you say anything, please don't be mean, please completely hear me out.


    I love my husband very, very much, and seeing him this upset kills me. He's always been supportive of everything I do/am, and this is the only thing that has caused this much grief (asides from my shopping sprees with his income lol)

    I said that my infantilism isn't going to just go away, but I'd be willing to remove his part in my routine. He said that he would still know that I had this infant side to me and it bothers him that he's married to a 25/2 year old.

    I told him that he is my everything, and that it's not such a bad thing for me to indulge every now and then with a pacifier and shows, but just hang up the diapers, so-to-speak.

    He thinks that is unreasonable for me to give up something because it upsets him, but he also feels like he can't be a part of my life if I continue.

    I just don't know what to do, really. I mean, I 100% meant what I said, about not regressing in his presence, and keeping it to rare occasions, and I know that I could do that no problem, especially since I've got it under control now.

    I hope that he can see this, but I'm afraid i've really scared him, and that there's no way to fix this.

    Thanks for reading this guys, and as always, any and all support is appreciated.

    ~Gemmy

    - - - Updated - - -

    Also, I am looking into getting a copy of "There's a Baby in my Bed!" for us to read together and see if that helps. We are also planning on talking to a couples counselor about this too.

  2. #2

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    Wow Gemmy. I'm wondering if there isn't something else at the root of his problem. My question is, is he still in love with you? Sometimes people will use something as an excuse to justify a breakup. I'm concerned with his feeling that just because you want to regress or want to wear diapers, he can't cope with it. I find it difficult to accept that he can't deal with this at some level. I think you need to have a deeper discussion with him about your relationship in general, taking diapers out of the discussion.

    Everyone has something with their personality that isn't perfect. Relationships are like marriages in that we swear the oath to love and cherish, through sickness and in health. In other words, we take the good with the bad and everything in between. It doesn't sound like he's willing to do this, or hasn't the desire to accept you for who you are. Relationships are two way streets, both give and take. As painful as this is, you may have to put yourself on the line and say take me with my faults and my good attributes, or part company. Sadly, it happens.

  3. #3

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    Gemmy,
    I am so sorry for you and your husband. The only advise that I can offer, to both of you, is that you two keep talking to each other. Don't let silence drive you apart.

    I grew up in a household where the general rule was, " If we don't talk about uncomfortable subjects and issues, they will just go away. " Well, these " issues " did not go away, they were just not talked about. Eventually, nothing was talked about. Even the everyday conversations stopped. There was only an uneasy, awkward silence left.

    These unspoken " issues " had to do with my infantilism, although, crossdressing, and being transgendered were also in the mix. The point I am trying to make is, nothing is ever resolved or made better by not talking about it. Sometimes, things not said can hurt more than any spoken objection or insult.

  4. #4

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    Don't use the word fix. Nothing needs to be fixed because nothing is broken. Not him, you, or the relationship. I'll grant that you've discovered an incompatibility but that doesn't imply something is broken. If you try to fit together two puzzle pieces that don't fit, you don't conclude they're broken, you conclude they don't belong together. Now of course people aren't puzzle pieces and as such it's not binary in terms of fits or doesn't fit. All couples have aspects of themselves that differ from their partners. I've admitted before that I'm into bestiality and my fiancee is not. And this is a matter where she is not and also, in all likelihood, never will be. But that didn't end the relationship, it's just something to be worked through. The challenge is to find out if the mismatch between the pieces is to great for a bond to form or be maintained.



    Quote Originally Posted by Gemmy View Post
    He thinks that is unreasonable for me to give up something because it upsets him, but he also feels like he can't be a part of my life if I continue.
    The first part of this I entirely agree with. Honestly, if he thought it was reasonable I would be calling it abusive. The latter part of this I have trouble agreeing with. Perhaps agreeing isn't the right word. That something like infantilism would upset another person so much that just knowing about it means they can't have a relationship with them is something I can't wrap my head around. I love my fiancee loads, and I can't imagine there being something she likes, provided that thing has no moral failings, that would make me fall out of love with her. Look, I'm in favor of marriage counseling in this case. But I'm also going to say that YOU deserve someone better than your partner in this case. I can't help but feel a person has to be extremely small or indifferent or immature for this to happen. Especially a person who's progressive and open-minded about consenting adults doing whatever they want in the privacy of their own homes.



    Quote Originally Posted by Gemmy View Post
    Also, I am looking into getting a copy of "There's a Baby in my Bed!" for us to read together and see if that helps. We are also planning on talking to a couples counselor about this too.
    I can't comment on the book but I can comment on its author because she was a member here at one point. It's not often I say this but she was a genuinely awful person in just about every aspect you could describe a person as being awful in. She screamed over other people trying to give opinions, overstated and/or flat out lied about her qualifications, gave people free psychological help over ADISC (which can tell you she's a moron), and generally gave people horrible advice (like telling one person who was having gender identity issues that it was a phase and would pass).

    Perhaps the book isn't bad, but the person behind it is absolutely terrible.

  5. #5

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    I agree with all of this. I don't feel like I'm the right partner for Gemmy anymore as much as it kills me, because they deserve someone who sees them for who they are and loves them for it.

    As much as I love Gemmy, the infantilism is something I can't deal with in a partner. I can't look at Gemmy without seeing a regressed 2 year old adult baby anymore, which is not something I ever wanted.

    I know there's nothing wrong with Gemmy and that I am the one who is having the difficulty with this, so before pulling the plug on our marriage I want us to see a therapist together to find out if there's a way for me to deal with this.

    I'm even willing to try care giving for Gemmy again, but I don't know if I'll be able to, as the last couple days the thought of it has been giving me really bad anxiety. So basically, I'm still willimg to try, but for some reason this whole experience of seeing Gemmy regressed and playing the role of "daddy" has triggered some serious emotions for me after the fact. Just the thought of Gemmy regressing and the memory of them in their regressed state makes me so upset and I don't fully understand why.

    But right now I'm just wishing Gemmy had never told me about this side of them or regressed in front of me so we could go back to the way things were before. I'm probably being over emotional about this whole thing but I just feel like this changes everything about our relationship irrevocablly.
    Last edited by GemmysHubby; 13-May-2015 at 07:26.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by GemmysHubby View Post
    Just the thought of Gemmy regressing and the memory of them in their regressed state makes me so upset and I don't fully understand why.
    Regardless of what's happening in your relationship, this is something worth talking to a professional about.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by AEsahaettr View Post
    I can't comment on the book but I can comment on its author because she was a member here at one point. It's not often I say this but she was a genuinely awful person in just about every aspect you could describe a person as being awful in. She screamed over other people trying to give opinions, overstated and/or flat out lied about her qualifications, gave people free psychological help over ADISC (which can tell you she's a moron), and generally gave people horrible advice (like telling one person who was having gender identity issues that it was a phase and would pass).

    Perhaps the book isn't bad, but the person behind it is absolutely terrible.
    I'm going to add to this - I've seen the author(s) make jerks of themselves on a couple of sites now, not just ADISC.

    There's a general criticism of their book and other articles which I've seen in several places: that they seem to be heavy on presenting their own anecdotally-derived views as authoritative fact. This is to say that their book is really just one couple's extended opinion about ABDL (but pretends to be more authoritative than that). That can still be useful, but should be given as much credence as any other long online article or forum posting.



    If I were to recommend a source to show people who wanted to understand ABDL from a source other than ADISC, I'd point them to Bittergrey's surveys at understandinginfantilism.org.

  8. #8

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    That's a real shame Gemmy and hubby. You seemed to be really getting somewhere and we are all rooting for you both.

    I hope you can work it out and get to a good place together.

    (It sounds like the book may be superfluous now. I have never heard the author anywhere else. I can say it helped us with ideas, but is no means a bible and is quite extreme in places. Apologies if my suggestion derailed an otherwise very thoughtful and hard process that the OP and hubby are going through.)

    Anyway my thoughts are with you guys and I hope Gemmyshubby that you can see past this part of Gemmy and see the whole person they are. Good luck

  9. #9
    Gemmy

    Default

    Well, this is going to seem like another 180... Over the last week, I've done a lot of thinking about myself, which I never do, as it makes me more aware of myself, and my issues and my depression and makes me feel worse... But I've been on medication and been able to focus on myself a lot more lately...

    So I've been diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety and ADHD since a very young age, about 5 y/o. Because of this, I always found ways to escape the reality of everything I was going through, from lying to my dad and step-mom habitually, to hiding in the woods near home, to being outside and away from the home as much as possible... Then I discovered the Internet, and the world of role-playing.

    After a very short time, I created an identity for myself that wasn't myself. a character that I could "be" and leave my crummy life behind, at least for a short time while I was off at school. And I loved it. I was also in drama a lot, so after having a character in my head for so long, I ended up personifying her, and I felt like she was a part of me, like a true personality.

    And that got me thinking about what's going on now, with my AB issue. I had a child character in my head that I felt was a real personality, a true part of myself that I needed to express. My Hubby was good about letting me express that, but I feel since I had the opportunity, and I've been doing a lot of thinking about myself... I'm an actor(ess). These characters are just that, and because I didn't realize it before, I just figured that it was a part of me that had to be let out... But I'm aware of the truth now.

    I'm definitely a DL, and I love my pacifier and bottle, but age regression is not something that I need.

    And since I made this realization, I know what signs and triggers to look out for should a character pop into my head again, and I talked to my hubby, and think that using his help to write out the character will prevent me from acting when I don't need to.

    I'm going to watch how things go moving forward, and get my hubby to get into some non-regression DL play and see how things go.

  10. #10

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    Good luck. I hope your journey ends well and you work everything through in your head. I hope we're helping your process, because it feels like we are seeing your really private thoughts and conversations with your hubby!

    It has been a bit uncomfortable in places and felt a bit like voyeurism, but if it helps you, then whatever works for you.

    All the best

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